Andrew’s story: Love, loss and giving back to Pilgrims
Andrew Gillingham lives in Walmer, and was married to his wife Karen for 13 years.
Pilgrims had been there from the very beginning of their relationship, when his mother-in-law was cared for in the Thanet hospice, dying from oesophageal cancer in 2005.
In 2021, Karen received support from Pilgrims in her home, allowing her final two weeks to be in the place she loved, surrounded by the people she loved.
Their story is one of countless incredible memories, and of the breadth of care Pilgrims provides: from the home to the hospice, and from the patient to their loved ones.
“Karen was amazing.” Andrew says. “She was outgoing, bubbly and enjoyed walking our dogs in the countryside.”
Her true passion, however, was seeking out adventures a little further from home, loving nothing more than travelling abroad.
“I hadn’t travelled much, not before I met Karen. But just like her, I fell in love with it. For eight years, we travelled twice a year to a whole range of places – it was where all of our money went! But I could never regret it, you can’t put a price on memories.”
“Morocco was her favourite place, we travelled there in 2019 and loved it so much we’d booked to go again the following year. But with Covid restrictions, and Karen’s diagnosis, it was a trip we couldn’t make.”
In October 2020, Karen was diagnosed with lymphoma. She completed her treatment by the next February with the upmost bravery, and was given a 90% chance of recovery. But, her prognosis quickly began to change when her cancer developed into a brain tumour. Just two months later, she deteriorated and became paralysed from the neck down. Her condition was now terminal.
“Originally, I wasn’t allowed in the ambulance with Karen due to the restrictions surrounding coronavirus. But, because of the severity of her condition, we were allowed to travel together to University College London (UCL) Hospital. The very last time we were able to hug one another was in that ambulance.”
Karen spent three months in UCL, before being brought home with the assistance of Pilgrims Hospices in the final two weeks before she died. When she was transferred from the hospital to home, Karen asked: “Are were going on holiday now?”, a heart-warming reminder of the travels they took, so close to her heart.
Andrew remembers: “Karen’s doctors didn’t think she would survive the ambulance journey, let alone the two weeks she had at home. But as soon as she arrived, her spirits were lifted – she was singing, and all sorts!
Our bedroom was moved downstairs, our window to the outside world, and her bubbly, warm nature shone through right until the end. And one of her final requests? A cheeky tipple, a brandy!”
Karen died on 28 June 2021, with care from Pilgrims Andrew described as “nothing short of fantastic.” That care was extended to Karen’s loved ones too, through Pilgrims Stepping Stones Bereavement Support Services. Andrew attended counselling at the Thanet hospice, and joined the Bereavement Walking Groups, where he found comfort in connecting with people who had also lost a loved one.
Now, Andrew supports Pilgrims Hospices in Karen’s memory at the charity’s in memory appeals: Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love.
“It’s my way of giving back so others can receive the same amazing care that we did. Most recently, I attended the Trees of Love service at the Thanet hospice with my step-daughter and granddaughter, so we could honour Karen during the festive season.”
Alongside Andrew’s personal support, his work has also got involved, too! In 2024, AEM Ltd (Ramsgate), one of Europe’s leading overhaul and repair facilities in the aerospace industry, selected Pilgrims Hospices as their Charity of the Year. Their staff fundraised through bake sales, colour runs, competitions and quizzes. Some of the team even took to the skies for an adrenaline-fuelled tandem skydive!
“I couldn’t quite bring myself to jump out of a plane, better them than me! But I was so proud that they chose to support Pilgrims partly in Karen’s memory. Altogether we raised an amazing £10,485.66.”
Before she died, Karen had one request of Andrew. She wanted him to continue going on holiday and to let her memory live on through their love of travel. It was a promise he kept. Andrew and his sister, Kim, travelled to Italy and Greece in 2022.
“It was something I talked through with Sarah, one of Pilgrims counsellors. I wanted to honour Karen’s wishes in continuing to explore the world, but I knew it would be hard without her. Sarah told me that a love of travel was a gift that Karen had given to me. That always stuck with me.”
The following year, they returned to Morocco, staying in the same hotel he and Karen had.
“I needed to run Morocco past my sister first as the hotel was primarily meant for couples! But the staff were so great and remembered me from before. It was painful to go back without Karen, but I’m so glad I did. It was wonderful to share that with my sister, too, as like me, she hadn’t travelled much either.”
Five years on, Andrew says “I can’t say how much I miss Karen, I just can’t believe. It really does feel like no time has passed.”
“I want to share our story because I’m just so proud of my Karen. We spent many incredible years together full of unforgettable memories, but it was never quite long enough.”
