Ninety-Nine Days: A story of the Benjamin’s voyage around Britain
Retired doctor and sailing enthusiast generously donates his book royalties to Pilgrims Hospices. Irving Benjamin’s book Ninety-Nine Days has so far raised over £400 for the end of life charity who cared for his late wife Cate.
Irving hopes this will be the first of many donations from the book royalties.
Cate and Irving
Irving is a retired surgeon, having worked as a Professor of Surgery and head of department at King’s College Hospital from 1990 until he took early retirement in 2006.
Originally from Scotland, Irving lived in London from 1979, and moved to Deal with his first wife in 1997. Sadly she died suddenly in 2000, and he married Cate in 2006 having already known her as a good family friend.
Irving said: “I had taken up sailing in the 1990s, Cate and I bought our 33 foot yacht ‘Vega’ together, and enjoyed coastal and cross-channel sailing. We made our first trip around Britain in 2007, helped by a number of friends aboard at various times, but it was in that year that Cate discovered the breast cancer which was to change our lives for a number of years. We interrupted our travels, over wintered Vega in Inverness, and returned to London while Cate underwent treatment. We did some sailing in the Netherlands in 2008 and the following two years, but when Cate was discharged from follow-up in 2012 we decided to complete our around Britain trip including the north coast of Ireland, the Inner Hebrides and Orkney.
“The whole trip lasted Ninety-nine Days (the title of the book), and I kept a detailed illustrated blog, and later edited the text and illustrations of the log into a book, with Cate’s help and critical assistance. I promised Cate that we would publish it together; I had hoped that would happen during her lifetime, but sadly I was not able to make that deadline.
“Cate developed recurrent disease in 2016, and underwent further treatment, mostly at Kent and Canterbury Hospital. As her disease progressed she required the support of Pilgrims Hospices; with regular phone calls and personal visits from hospice nurses and from Dr Andrew Thorns.
She had a beautiful non-religious ceremony performed by a wonderful doula, and is buried in a lovely location in Deal cemetery, in what will eventually be our double grave.
Irving
“By June 2020 it was decided that no further active treatment was indicated, and from around that time she was practically bedbound. In accordance with Cate’s wishes we had decided that she would remain at home with me for as long as it was possible, and preferably to die in our own bed. The care we received from Pilgrims community care team was absolutely second to none, and it was helpful that as a retired doctor I was able to manage symptom control alongside the other carers. I was with her all of this time, prepared food for us to share, and read books to her in bed. Luckily, this all happened before the most severe strictures of the lockdown, so she was able to have a few short family visits. She became quite confused in the last two to three weeks, and died quietly in bed in the early hours of 14 September. She had a beautiful non-religious ceremony performed by a wonderful doula, and is buried in a lovely location in Deal cemetery, in what will eventually be our double grave.”
“We have the most wonderful extended family, Cate has two children living in Deal, with grand-daughters aged six and eight, and two children in Canada, with an eight-year-old grandson. I have two children of my own in the UK, and one in Australia, and between them four grandchildren aged between 13 and 29! They are generous with their love and support and I’m comforted to have them all.
“We enjoyed music together and would go to festivals whenever we could, including Glastonbury. We were also regular supporters of Scottish and South African rugby (Cate was born in Durban), and went to all the games at Murrayfield and a few in Paris, Rome and Dublin.
Irving and Cate at Glastonbury Festival
“Although I didn’t manage to publish our adventures before Cate passed away, it’s now published through Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing. It’s available both as an e-book, and a paperback. The paperback is a much nicer publication, because the e-book does not do justice to the lavish colour illustrations and the glossy cover, but unfortunately Amazon pass on the high printing costs for the paperback, which puts the price up a lot in order to be able to make enough in royalties to pass on to Pilgrims Hospices. I’ve just received my first royalties, and I am able to pass on the whole sum, which is now just over £400, hopefully as the first instalment of many. I’m keen to have the book sold as widely as possible, in order to boost the donations, so the more publicity it can get the better.
“After Cate’s death we set up an online tribute page, which has raised over £1,000 for the hospices. In addition, a group of us have been writing together for the last couple of years as Deal Poets Society, and we launched our first anthology, Love, Life, Loss at the end of 2019, with a celebration at The Lighthouse in January last year. Again, all the proceeds from that work have gone to Pilgrims Hospices; we are planning a second volume for the end of this year.”
Benj (Irving Benjamin)
Dying Matters Awareness Week is a chance to come together and open up the conversation around death, dying and bereavement.
Tell your story and join in the conversation on social media using the hashtags #InAGoodPlace and #DMAW21.
Pilgrims Hospices host community events throughout the year for the general public, aiming to open up the conversation about death and dying; with film screenings, poetry readings and Death Cafes and much more, there’s something for everyone.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
29th April 2021
Pete’s family raise thousands to support future hospice care
Hannah Austin (28) from Ebbsfleet experienced Pilgrims Hospices first-hand when her dad, Pete Austin (57), was cared for by the charity. The family asked loved ones to donate to Pilgrims in lieu of funeral flowers, hoping to raise £200 in Pete’s memory; they surpassed this target, raising a phenomenal £2,020 for the charity that provides vital end-of-life care for people across east Kent.
Hannah with her dad Pete
Pete, a retired escalator engineer from Birchington, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October 2019. Hannah said: “He enjoyed a healthy vegan diet, keeping fit, socialising down the pub with family and friends and going on holidays with my mum Viv. They were happily married for 35 years. He was a kind family man who loved life.”
She added: “Dad was very brave and went through all the treatment he could, including three months of intense chemotherapy. Unfortunately, even though he fought so hard and did incredibly well, it did not work for him, and the decision was made to stop all treatment.”
At this point, Pilgrims stepped in to support Pete and his family. The charity organised doctors and nurses to visit every day and keep him comfortable, enabling him to stay at home and be cared for by loved ones. Hannah said: “They supported my dad and the whole family; they would regularly phone my mum to check she was doing okay. Pilgrims were always just a phone call away if we had any questions or concerns.”
“I found out I was pregnant the week my dad passed away and luckily I managed to tell him, which was the last time I saw him awake. Even though it’s sad as we know how much he wanted grandchildren, having my little girl has helped our whole family get through it. My brother’s wife was also pregnant at the time, so now my mum has her hands full with two grandchildren, which she loves!”
To me, Pilgrims means a safe place for support when you need it the most. As we received such brilliant support, and because we know Pilgrims relies so much on donations, we wanted to give back so they can continue their good work supporting other families in the future.
Hannah
Pete passed away peacefully on 31 May 2020. Due to COVID restrictions, only a small number of people could attend his funeral in person, so the family asked loved ones to donate to Pilgrims via a JustGiving page instead of sending flowers. Initially aiming to raise £200, their hopes were far exceeded.
Hannah said: “We were astounded to raise over £2,000 for Pilgrims, which shows just how loved our dad was.”
“To me, Pilgrims means a safe place for support when you need it the most. As we received such brilliant support, and because we know Pilgrims relies so much on donations, we wanted to give back so they can continue their good work supporting other families in the future.”
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,400 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
21st April 2021
#SalvagedWithLove: Erin’s mission to change the world and support hospice care
Erin Hayhow from Whitstable is a fashion designer on a mission to change the world. Using only waste materials, which she dyes and paints with her own designs, she is on her way to building a sustainable future for the fashion industry. Her slogan is #SalvagedWithLove.
Erin’s mum, Sarah, was cared for at the Canterbury hospice in 2014. To give back for the support her family received, she plans to donate to Pilgrims Hospices as her brand grows and hopes to run up-cycling workshops with Pilgrims shops in the near future.
Sarah and Erin
After graduating with a first class BA in Fine Art from Solent University, Erin moved to Berlin to pursue a career as an artist but returned home when her mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
She said: “I was her carer for two years; during that time, creativity was so important to me because it was a way of understanding what was happening.
“My mum was the most fashionable person I know; my love for fashion came from her, she always dressed me in the coolest clothes. Putting my legs through plastic carrier-bags from our weekly shopping trips, pulling up the handles like straps, I’d made my first pair of dungarees. I wasn’t allowed to wear high heels, but I improvised by painting papier-mache tissue boxes and toilet roll tubes. I put them on with my new dungarees and strutted down my garden like a catwalk.
“During her illness, Mum would wear amazing garments every day and it would give her the ability to conquer the world. It became her armour, and it’s the same to me.”
Erin doing her Firewalk
Sarah was initially given a three-month prognosis but lived with cancer for 18 months. She didn’t feel she needed hospice support until the end of her life. Erin continued: “Mum’s mindset changed once Pilgrims was involved. I remember the hospice so strongly, there was a big community of people ready to support us. They were incredible with her. This was my first experience of hospice care and I want to raise awareness so that others know they can access it, too.”
Erin went on to complete a Fashion Design MA at UCA Rochester, achieving a distinction. She finished her five-piece collection Flowers Grow in Dustbins, made from 100% recycled materials, in 2019; these garments are available to purchase on her website. She also sells a range of more affordable pieces via Instagram @eirinnhayhow. To give back for the support her family received, Erin will donate 5% of the money made from sales to Pilgrims. Erin also took part in the charity’s sponsored Firewalk event in Canterbury on 13 March 2020.
I remember the hospice so strongly, there was a big community of people ready to support us. They were incredible with her. This was my first experience of hospice care and I want to raise awareness so that others know they can access it, too.
Erin
Erin plans to continue donating to Pilgrims as her brand grows and hopes to run up-cycling workshops with its shops in the near future, in exchange for materials that they can’t sell. Tim Stewart, Retail Business Development Manager at Pilgrims, said: “I met Erin in 2019 and she told me her story, explaining she’d been buying bits from our shops and using them as a basis for her new pieces. It was obvious to me that she was talented, and that she wanted to give something back to Pilgrims. So I offered her some materials that we hadn’t been able to sell, along with a couple of rails, and a mannequin to help her starting up. She was very grateful for the support and has offered to run design and screen-printing classes at one of our shops. We look forward to working with Erin in the future.”
Erin added: “After my mum passed away, I moved back to Berlin and began screen-printing on t-shirts and garments DIY-style. As my sewing skills improved, I used fabrics and materials that were either found on the street or donated to charity shops – from there I started to form my own collections. In 2017, I sold my first collection at Studio183 in Bikini Berlin. That summer, I moved back to Whitstable and opened a pop-up store in an old shipping container in a furniture yard in Margate. I became part of a waste-free fashion collective made up of four members; we all make garments from waste materials. We’ve had three shows at the Turner Contemporary and one at Soho House Berlin.
“The fashion industry is the world’s second biggest contributor to global warming, with 350,000 tonnes (that’s around £140 million worth) of used but still wearable clothing going to landfill in the UK every year. My brand says no to fast fashion. It is my intention to help solve our global waste crisis by creating imaginative solutions for unwanted materials.
“We need to find sustainable solutions to our waste problems. We need to re-think the fast fashion system. Fashion should be positive, it should be inclusive, it should be empowering. As designers of the future, it is our duty to be sustainable.”
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,400 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
22nd December 2020
Festive occupational therapy at Pilgrims
Occupational therapy plays its part within the diverse range of services offered by Pilgrims Hospices. Helping people to live well in every moment is important to everyone at the hospices. The OT team has been helping patients on the wards to get creative and make some beautiful festive cards and angel decorations.
Della Green, Pilgrims Occupational Therapy Assistant explained: “My colleague Kristy Wells, OT Assistant at our Thanet Hospice, had the lovely idea of making up Christmas craft packs for patients to do whilst on our In-patient Units (IPU). We are always looking at ways to expand the range of therapeutic activities provided on our IPU’s across our sites in order to offer our patients the opportunity to engage in meaningful activities.”
We are able to adapt the activities in order to meet the various needs of our patients.
Della – Pilgrims
Della Green – Pilgrims Hospices, Occupational Therapy Assistant.
The team looked through the art supplies in the Wellbeing and OT departments and designed some Christmas card and angel decoration packs. They compiled some coloured instructions for the patients (and staff) on how to assemble the items. The kits were then put together in individually sealed plastic pockets in order to meet infection control guidelines. The packs can be completed in bed or at a table, are not energy intensive and are suitable for ladies or gentlemen of all ages. We use easily accessible resources enabling patients to continue their crafting ideas if returning home.
Della continued: “We are able to adapt the activities in order to meet the various needs of our patients. The lovely things about the selection of packs are that they are graded so anyone can have a go, regardless of age or diagnosis. We planned the craft activities to enable our patients to have the opportunity to bring meaning and fun with the added bonus of a beautiful end product to give to family or friends. We can all learn new skills and enjoy new experiences whatever our age or ability and some patients have pleasantly surprised themselves, with many not having partaken in art or craft previously.
“It has been shown that taking part in arts and crafts helps aid relaxation and therefore assists in relieving symptoms such as anxiety and pain, which is particularly important with our patients.
“The feedback from patients has been very positive and whilst doing the activities patients have really enjoyed reminiscing, story-telling about family traditions, chatting about family and childhood memories. It has also encouraged conversation between patients and taking part in the craft activities is often a great icebreaker. Patients who may have been reluctant to have a go at making something have enjoyed their sessions so much, that they have asked to make another card or angel.”
Kristy, Pilgrims OT Assistant added: “When I used the first Christmas card making kit with a patient on our IPU, she thoroughly enjoyed the craft session as she was very into crafts at home. Not only was she pleased with the finished card, but she said that she would be sending it on to an elderly friend who lives in a nursing home and who also enjoys crafting. So two people have had pleasure from the experience.
“As patients are enjoying our Christmas kits so much, we are hoping to carry on the activities at Easter and other times during the year. Making the Christmas cards and decorations for family and friends is such a meaningful activity, especially at this time of year.”
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
8th July 2020
Louise walks on the one-year anniversary of her mum’s death
On the one-year anniversary of her mum’s death at Pilgrims Hospices, Ashford, Louise will join many others as they virtually hike the Isle of Wight Coastal Path.
Louise Brooks, from Tenterden, has signed up to the Isle of Wight Coastal Path Virtual Hike to raise much-needed funds for Pilgrims Hospices in memory of her mum, Barbara Huckstep.
Here, Louise tells us about her mum, Barbara, and why she is forever grateful for the care, support and comfort that Pilgrims Hospices gave her family.
“Mum was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 1999, it was treated with chemotherapy and she was given the clear. In 2016 however we received the news that she had secondary Breast Cancer and it had moved to her lymph nodes and bones. Once again, mum fought it hard with chemotherapy and was determined for life to stay normal. By 2019, this simply wasn’t possible anymore.
Together, as a family, we celebrated mum’s 70th birthday in March 2019. She was breathless, tired and weak. By June mum had deteriorated quickly, and we learnt that the cancer had spread to her brain and liver. This is when we learnt about Pilgrims Hospices.
Barbara and her husband on her 70th Birthday
After a short-stay in hospital, mum was welcomed into Pilgrims Hospices, Ashford, with open arms and thank goodness she was. As soon as I walked in I relaxed. I knew she wasn’t going to be coming home, but I knew she was going to be made comfortable and be looked after.
Shortly after we got mum settled in her room, Rodney, the Ashford PAT dog, was visiting the patients on the ward. He entered mum’s room and instantly joined her on her bed; nestling into her. Rodney’s owner spoke of how rare it was for him to do this to patients. Mum adored dogs and she was overjoyed to be able to stroke him. That was the first time in days that I’d seen mum smile and be aware of her surroundings, it’s something that will stay with me forever.
Dad, my sister and I were introduced to the nursing team, and they carefully took us through mum’s care plan. Before mum’s stay at Pilgrims Hospices I wasn’t aware of the holistic approach that the hospice takes to patient care, and the family. In her final days the hospice made it possible for us to be together as a family, one last time. I cannot even begin to thank them all enough.
Mum had a peaceful 6 days in the hospice. We were allowed to be with her 24/7, until her fight ended on 8th July 2019.
The one-year anniversary of mum’s death was approaching and it seemed like the perfect time to do something positive in mum’s memory. Straight away I knew I wanted to raise money for Pilgrims Hospices so that they can be there for the next family, just like they were for mine. I saw the Isle of Wight Coastal Path Virtual Hike and thought perfect; within an hour I was out walking my first 3 miles. The generosity of friends and family has been overwhelming, it’s spurred me on to complete the 70 mile virtual hike and this is just the beginning of my fundraising journey for Pilgrims Hospices.”
Louise has set up a JustGiving page for her Isle of Wight Coastal Path to raise vital funds for Pilgrims Hospices. If you’d like to support Louise on her virtual hike you can here:
There’s still time to sign up to the Isle of Wight Coastal Path Virtual Hike and challenge yourself this July for local hospice care in east Kent: Sign up here.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
12th May 2020
International Nurses Day: Being a Pilgrims nurse
Pilgrims Hospices is recognising nurses and key workers on International Nurses Day. To celebrate nurses from across the globe on this day Pilgrims Hospices would like to share a huge thank you to all those who are working to care for people across the world.
Pilgrims nurses have cared for 1000s of patients, their families and friends in their homes and on the hospice wards for more than 35 years. This year the east Kent community is sharing special messages of thanks with the local charity as lockdown keeps us all social distancing.
Kate White, Pilgrims Senior Nurse Manager explained: “We’ve received such heart-warming messages from the local community, it is really appreciated by everyone at Pilgrims, and of course it’s lovely to be recognised on our special day.
“Our nurses and key workers are working tirelessly to ensure patients receive the highest quality care during these difficult times. We understand how important contact is for everyone and we are doing our very best to help patients to feel part of our Pilgrims family whilst their families are caring from a distance.”
Ryan Mowat and Michelle Bennett, Palliative Specialist Nurses at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford
Sarah Brown, Pilgrims Specialist Palliative Care Community Team Lead added:
“We have the privilege to support people and their loved ones at such a key time in their lives. The loss of someone you care for deeply or for whom you share special connections can only be described as the most difficult and heart-rendering time for most people.”
Angela Padgham
Palliative Specialist Nurse
“I’m continuing to do my part and helping to support the palliative care patients in the community who we can’t visit.”
Charlotte Davies
Palliative Specialist Nurse Community Team Leader
“I have wanted to be a palliative nurse since I was 10 years old – that’s a long time! Nurses are born, not made and that is especially true of hospice nurses. To me, hospice nursing is more than just being a face or a name on a staff board. It’s the trust that people put in us to ensure they have the care and support both on the inpatient ward and in the community. It’s the understanding that we are with them every step of the way. Like Maya Angleou said: ‘People will forget your name, they will forget what you said, they will forget what you did. But they will NEVER forget how you made them feel.’ I’m proud to be a hospice nurse!”
Palliative Specialist Nurses
Pilgrims Hospice Ashford
“We are all so proud to be nurses. It is a privilege and an honour to be able to care for someone, especially to provide care and comfort to those at the end of their life. We are proud of our jobs and of the place that we work. There is no profession like it!”
Alison Wiltshire
Palliative Specialist Nurse and Community Nursing Team Leader
“I am very proud of what we do and the opportunities we have to make a real difference to someone at the end of their life and I can’t really imagine myself doing anything else.”
Rachel Kendall-Jones, Lorna Moss and Becky Baldwin, Palliative Specialist Nurses
Kelly Navarro, Palliative Specialist Nurse, Community Team
Kate continued: “Our Pilgrims community extends past the nursing and on to the greater needs of those in our care and their families. This is why we are encouraging people to think about what needs to be in place in order that their wishes can be met and carried out in a timely and meaningful manner.
“By engaging with people living with long term conditions at an earlier stage of their illnesses, we believe this will enable people to remain in control and maintain their dignity, focusing on good quality of life, especially when someone’s condition deteriorates. We’re helping our teams to manage through the COVID-19 crisis by ensuring they have sufficient wellbeing resources in place and opportunities to share their concerns for those around them with Pilgrims’ internal support network of carers and advisers.
My thoughts are; in six months time; we will be able to touch and communicate with our patients without the barrier of a mask. Patients dying in the hospice will have their loved ones with them as they take their last breath. Nurses will be able to focus on what is most important to patients, without fear and restrictions. People with cancers will seek help and support, not being fearful of COVID-19 and ‘putting up’ with symptoms. Nurses will have developed enhanced skills protecting patients, the public, colleagues and themselves, keeping safe.
Debbie Boots, Advanced Nurse Practitioner
“Our support teams in catering, counselling, domestic services and so many others are contributing vital assistance for our Pilgrims nurses; we are delighted to be sharing our special day with such special colleagues.”
Pilgrims Hospices is Still Here, Still Caring. The hard work and dedication do not go unnoticed; now, more than ever, we appreciate you! You can help the Pilgrims nurses to continue with their specialist end-of-life care by making a donation to the Still Here, Still Caring campaign.
Thank you, your hard work does not go unnoticed.
Happy International Nurses Day!
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,400 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
