The team work for Brakes, the Ashford-based food service supplier.
They chose to support their local hospice charity as each knows of the vital care it provides through family and friends. Dan’s mother-in-law, Anne-Marie Wells, and Harrison’s dad, Paul O’Brien, were both cared for by Pilgrims. Anne-Marie and Paul would have each celebrated their 60th birthdays on 1 and 2 June 2021 respectively, so the team’s fundraising target of £6,000 has been set to commemorate these milestone events.
I’d never been in a hospice before so I thought it would be a sad and gloomy place, but I was so wrong. The staff were excellent, the two lounges were lovely and spacious and loved ones were made to feel incredibly welcome
Dan
Dan, from Hawkinge near Folkestone, experienced Pilgrims’ care when Anne-Marie spent time in the Ashford hospice in 2018-19. He said:
“The care she received was fantastic. Whenever Ann-Marie needed anything, the staff were more than willing to assist, nothing was too much trouble. Her last Christmas was spent in the hospice; being able to sit round the table in the fantastic new family lounge, trying to treat it as a normal Christmas Day, meant a lot. We were able to shower, stay over and have hot meals. I was even allowed to work remotely at required times whilst being by my wife’s side.
Anne-Marie with her daughter and Dan’s wife, Hannah
“I’d never been in a hospice before so I thought it would be a sad and gloomy place, but I was so wrong. The staff were excellent, the two lounges were lovely and spacious and loved ones were made to feel incredibly welcome.
“Seeing it first-hand has made me aware of the fantastic work Pilgrims do, and I want to continue raising money for them in future.”
Harrison, from River, Dover, also shared his experience:
Harrison’s dad, Paul
“My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung and brain cancer in late January 2021. This was a huge shock to our family, it changed our lives dramatically. Pilgrims gave us such excellent support – they offered emotional and practical advice, taught us techniques related to caring for Dad and arranged equipment to make him as comfortable as possible.
“They look after the whole family’s wellbeing, just having them at the end of the phone was such a big help. Pilgrims nurses are true heroes who make sure that you don’t feel alone. They really do make a huge difference. Before my dad became ill, I wasn’t aware of the top quality care Pilgrims provide. They are a fantastic organisation and I will never forget what they’ve done for us.”
“My dad sadly passed on 11 April 2021. He felt extremely comfortable in the hospice, and I can’t thank Pilgrims enough for the care they provided. They were absolutely brilliant.
“They looked after him, fed him, washed him and made him feel as close to home as was possible – I will never forget that. Pilgrims helped our family when we really needed it; they will always have a special place in my heart.”
Pilgrims nurses are true heroes who make sure that you don’t feel alone. They really do make a huge difference.
Harrison
On Saturday 5 June 2021, the team will ride to all 20 league football grounds within London, cycling an overall distance of 250km. They hope to raise vital funds for Pilgrims and increase awareness about hospice services available across east Kent.
Dan, Daniel and Harrison
Dan said: “We’ve chosen to support Pilgrims so they can continue their great work offering compassionate end-of-life care to patients and families. We’re really looking forward to our cycle challenge, it will be tough but so worth it.”
Harrison added: “I’ve experienced first-hand the care that Pilgrims provide. They need all the help they can get in order to continue delivering this amazing support. I simply hope that the money we raise will enable Pilgrims to offer other families the care ours received.
“Pilgrims help make that last bit of time as special as it can be, so if the money we raise helps to continue that service then that’s the least we can do for such a good cause.”
Deirdre Mewse, Community Fundraising Officer at Pilgrims, said: “It is wonderful that Harrison, Daniel and Dan are taking part in such an epic journey in aid of Pilgrims Hospices. The sights of 20 football grounds, as well as the amazing places they pass on the way, will hopefully sustain them in their 250km journey. We would like to say a huge thank you for their support and wish them strong legs and every success on the day.”
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
26th May 2021
Crochet creative: With a trusty hook and some colourful yarn, patients enjoy great therapy
Crochet is proving wonderful therapy for service users who are currently unable to attend Pilgrims Hospices due to the COVID restrictions.
Crochet Together is the first of the virtual therapy groups provided by the Wellbeing Practitioners. The virtual group was inspired by Kyla Szukala, Pilgrims Complementary Therapist, who has planned the creative therapy group with Kathleen Steele, Pilgrims Wellbeing Practitioner.
Kathleen said: “My colleague Kyla was showing me some of her amazing crochet work when it got us thinking about how crafts focus the mind, release stress and how being creative can ease the burden of health conditions and help in decision making, thus being really great for wellbeing.
“We agreed to get our heads together and work out how we could deliver a crochet course that could be enjoyed from a distance by people who use our services.
“We contacted our service users with information on how to get involved from the comfort of their armchair, which was met with a warm and positive response. We’ve always run creative groups but this is our first virtual group to help support people during the long period of lockdown. It is so very important for us to maintain high quality contact with those who use our services. It’s not always easy to support from a distance, however, we’ve worked closely with patients and colleagues to arrange Zoom meetings which have been of great benefit to everyone, staff included.”
The crochet has inspired us to look for more creatives to support people, it’s great for physical and mental health for all of us.
Kathleen, Wellbeing Practitioner
Kathleen explained that everyone involved with the creative therapy had been referred for support by Pilgrims Wellbeing team and that it was important to get involved with some of the sessions that are outside of the regular support telephone calls.
Kathleen and Kyla in a Crochet Together session
Kathleen added: “The crochet has inspired us to look for more creatives to support people, it’s great for physical and mental health for all of us. It has been the driver that has inspired us to look for more projects to help even more people who need support to live well in every moment.
“Some of the attendees we’ve had to teach from scratch, discovering how to cast on and start a stitch, others had some prior knowledge but we all had fun working our way through the first session with everyone getting to know the other members of the group.
“Challenges make us who we are and overcoming them is truly helpful for our wellbeing.
“We sent each member of the group a lovely starter pack containing wool, patterns, a crochet hook and a measure; in fact, all that was needed to make the very most of the course. Everything was beautifully packed in tissue paper and I think everyone really enjoyed the delight of receiving the parcel that looked just like a gift.”
The Wellbeing team will be running the crochet creative group for six weeks. With Kyla’s support everyone will be following a pattern to create squares with the wool provided. At the end of the course they hope to have sufficient squares to create a blanket which Pilgrims fundraising team will be able to raffle for donations to the hospices.
We know that having the support people need can help them stay independent, improve symptoms and make a difference, enabling them and those close to them to live each day well. We can work with people and help manage their symptoms and support them to cope with the changes in their life, give practical advice and help them think about the future.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
10th May 2021
Nursing at Pilgrims: What it has meant to lead through a pandemic
To celebrate Nurses’ Day 2021, we spoke to Kate White, Head of Nursing at Pilgrims Hospices, about how she and her team have risen to the challenges posed by COVID-19.
Although it has been a difficult year, Pilgrims nurses have continued to provide vital, compassionate and holistic end-of-life care to people across east Kent. The pandemic has also provided opportunities to strengthen nursing practices, which will have a lasting, positive impact on future hospice care.
How have nursing practices and patient care at Pilgrims changed since the COVID-19 pandemic began?
The pandemic has brought infection control and prevention into sharp focus. The care we give at Pilgrims has remained at the highest standard, but having to wear personal protective equipment (PPE) requires us to take more time preparing to give care rather than being able to be spontaneous.
At the start of the pandemic the policies, procedures and systems that we’re so accustomed to were changing rapidly, sometimes several times a day. It was often hard to keep up, but Pilgrims staff embraced what was needed and continued to provide excellent patient-centred care.
Pilgrims nursing team L-R: Kate White, Steve Allwright, Laura Gooch, Sheila Moorhead, Carol Lightfoot, Michelle Swann, Sam Waters and Donna Shanahan
What have been some of the challenges presented by COVID-19 and how have Pilgrims nurses overcome them?
The biggest challenges relate to our everyday communication; talking to patients whilst wearing a mask takes away the personal touch and the non-verbal communication a smile can convey. Our community team had to adapt to talking to patients over the phone rather than face-to-face visiting. This can be very difficult for both patients and staff, especially when discussing sensitive issues; it doesn’t come naturally to everyone, does it?
Nothing will ever replace the closeness of a loved one, but we have tried to offer reassurance and comfort in these very difficult times.
Kate
We also had to find other ways of communicating with relatives, as our visitors policy restricted who could come into the hospices in order to ensure we safeguarded our extremely vulnerable patients and our staff, who were keeping hospice services going. It has been very distressing for so many, but we have used technology to bridge the gap and help enable people to keep in touch.
We’ve also used the Matching Hearts project, where the patient has one crocheted heart and we give the other to the family to try to help them feel connected.
Nothing will ever replace the closeness of a loved one, but we have tried to offer reassurance and comfort in these very difficult times.
Have any positives come out of the pandemic?
As a team we’ve proved our ability to change at a rapid pace when required, to find new and inventive ways of working.
Those of us who have been in healthcare for a long time have never experienced such a coming together of so many providers, and this has had a lasting and positive impact on patient care and service delivery.
Kate
There has also been some brilliant collaborating with our healthcare colleagues in the wider community including East Kent Hospitals University NHS Foundation Trust, Kent Community Trust, Kent County Council and primary care services. We shared issues around capacity, PPE supplies and staffing, plus anything else we were able to help each other with. It also provided a chance to update everyone on our current situation; we called in every day, seven days a week, to ensure our patients had the best care and our staff had the best support. Pilgrims was the only charity to join this call, and from this we became involved in supporting nursing homes by teaching their staff how to use PPE.
Those of us who have been in healthcare for a long time have never experienced such a coming together of so many providers, and this has had a lasting and positive impact on patient care and service delivery.
Kate White, Head of Nursing at Pilgrims Hospices, with nurse Debbie Todd. The artwork is displayed on the ward at the Canterbury hospice. The hands are a show of unity, strength and teamwork. Staff put one hand on the paper on each shift they came in for, choosing the colour that represented how they felt. It reflects the rainbows painted by children during the pandemic to thank key workers.
What does a post-COVID-19 future look like at Pilgrims, and how will Pilgrims nurses lead patient care within it?
We’re told that the pandemic will be around for a while yet, so we will continue to provide the best infection control and prevention we can. Our infection control team, led with the expertise and dedication of nurse Debbie Todd, will ensure we are kept up to date with all current guidelines and practices. I have no doubt we will continue to deliver high quality, holistic care to our patients and their families, whatever the situation is, to the best of our ability.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
#InAGoodPlace: Preparing for death, dying and bereavement
What does it mean to be in a good place to die? This is the question we were asked to consider during Dying Matters Awareness Week (10-16 May 2021). Pilgrims staff share their thoughts, both from a personal perspective and based on their experience working alongside hospice patients who are approaching the end of life.
Oden, Physiotherapist
For me, being in a good place to die means being at peace.
As a society, we’re not encouraged to think about our death even though it is probably going to be one of the most important experiences of our life. People often say, ‘Stop being morbid’ or think it’s bad manners to talk about death, or that by talking about it we will “tempt fate”, but the truth is we were always going to die. Then because we have lived our lives as if it was never going to happen, we are in denial and often completely unprepared – both for our own death and the deaths of those we love. We don’t know how to cope because it’s all done behind closed doors, and as such it can make the unknown a fearful experience.
We need to talk more about dying so that we can support our hospice patients and their loved ones, and also cope when we eventually experience it for ourselves.
As a Buddhist nun, I contemplate my own death each day for two reasons; firstly, I will not be surprised if it happens suddenly, and secondly it helps me to appreciate each day. In this way, I hope my mind will be more peaceful and I will therefore be in a good place to die.
Justine Robinson, Lead Occupational Therapist
For some people, a good place to die might mean being able to stay in their own home. Occupational Therapists can help hospice patients plan for this by adapting the environment and providing specialist equipment to help them remain at home. They work alongside patients and families to enable them to continue doing the things that matter most to them for as long as possible.
Having a life limiting illness often leads people to reflect on what they will leave behind. As well as material objects, this could also include memories, precious moments and the things that make you, you. The legacy work we do at Pilgrims is a way of turning some of these thoughts into actions or tangible keepsakes. It not only gives loved ones something precious to hold on to, but can also provide patients with the time and space to reflect; they can find peace and meaning while coming to terms with dying.
Pilgrims’ Wellbeing team work with patients and families to create legacy projects. This can take many forms, including memory boxes, writing, arts and crafts and recording stories as part of our Blackbird Project. Whatever a patient chooses will become unique to them, carrying the meaning they put into it.
Martyn Yates, Spiritual Care Lead
What does it mean to have a ‘good death’? What does it mean to be in a ‘good place’ to die?
Death and dying is as individual as each one of us. If we don’t acknowledge that we are all going to die at some point and we don’t talk about it, we will probably find it hard to start those important conversations, have a ‘good death’ and be in a ‘good place’ when we die.
World War I saw the deaths of hundreds of thousands and immediately after that we had the Spanish Flu, which killed some 200,000 in the UK. Then came World War II, when almost every family lost someone. Finally, in the late 60s Hong Kong flu killed some 80,000 in the UK. We stopped talking about ‘death’ and started using phrases like ‘they passed away’ or ‘popped their clogs’. It is as if we have gone into a collective silence about death and have handed it over to ‘the professionals’.
As Baroness Julia Neuberger has said: “We need to learn to look death in the face again – it is coming for us all.”
That is why I see things like theDeath Cafemovement and Hospice UK’sLet’s talk about dyingprogramme as beneficial. Talking about death and dying doesn’t bring death closer. It’s about planning for life, helping us make the most of the time that we have – it’s about celebrating life.
We plan for and celebrate every birth, so why not do the same for every death?
Dying Matters Awareness Week is a chance to come together and open up the conversation around death, dying and bereavement.
There’s much more to death than we think; what if it isn’t just an ending, but an event we can plan for? Thinking beyond the four walls of hospices and hospitals, we have the chance to approach it with confidence and plan a good death. After Wards is a collection of insights and ideas from people who can help us all to re-imagine this essential part of life, and to live well until we die.
Continue the conversation at our Time to Talk events with film screenings, poetry readings, Death Cafes and much more.
7th May 2021
Ninety-Nine Days: A story of the Benjamin’s voyage around Britain
Retired doctor and sailing enthusiast generously donates his book royalties to Pilgrims Hospices. Irving Benjamin’s book Ninety-Nine Days has so far raised over £400 for the end of life charity who cared for his late wife Cate.
Irving hopes this will be the first of many donations from the book royalties.
Cate and Irving
Irving is a retired surgeon, having worked as a Professor of Surgery and head of department at King’s College Hospital from 1990 until he took early retirement in 2006.
Originally from Scotland, Irving lived in London from 1979, and moved to Deal with his first wife in 1997. Sadly she died suddenly in 2000, and he married Cate in 2006 having already known her as a good family friend.
Irving said: “I had taken up sailing in the 1990s, Cate and I bought our 33 foot yacht ‘Vega’ together, and enjoyed coastal and cross-channel sailing. We made our first trip around Britain in 2007, helped by a number of friends aboard at various times, but it was in that year that Cate discovered the breast cancer which was to change our lives for a number of years. We interrupted our travels, over wintered Vega in Inverness, and returned to London while Cate underwent treatment. We did some sailing in the Netherlands in 2008 and the following two years, but when Cate was discharged from follow-up in 2012 we decided to complete our around Britain trip including the north coast of Ireland, the Inner Hebrides and Orkney.
“The whole trip lasted Ninety-nine Days (the title of the book), and I kept a detailed illustrated blog, and later edited the text and illustrations of the log into a book, with Cate’s help and critical assistance. I promised Cate that we would publish it together; I had hoped that would happen during her lifetime, but sadly I was not able to make that deadline.
“Cate developed recurrent disease in 2016, and underwent further treatment, mostly at Kent and Canterbury Hospital. As her disease progressed she required the support of Pilgrims Hospices; with regular phone calls and personal visits from hospice nurses and from Dr Andrew Thorns.
She had a beautiful non-religious ceremony performed by a wonderful doula, and is buried in a lovely location in Deal cemetery, in what will eventually be our double grave.
Irving
“By June 2020 it was decided that no further active treatment was indicated, and from around that time she was practically bedbound. In accordance with Cate’s wishes we had decided that she would remain at home with me for as long as it was possible, and preferably to die in our own bed. The care we received from Pilgrims community care team was absolutely second to none, and it was helpful that as a retired doctor I was able to manage symptom control alongside the other carers. I was with her all of this time, prepared food for us to share, and read books to her in bed. Luckily, this all happened before the most severe strictures of the lockdown, so she was able to have a few short family visits. She became quite confused in the last two to three weeks, and died quietly in bed in the early hours of 14 September. She had a beautiful non-religious ceremony performed by a wonderful doula, and is buried in a lovely location in Deal cemetery, in what will eventually be our double grave.”
“We have the most wonderful extended family, Cate has two children living in Deal, with grand-daughters aged six and eight, and two children in Canada, with an eight-year-old grandson. I have two children of my own in the UK, and one in Australia, and between them four grandchildren aged between 13 and 29! They are generous with their love and support and I’m comforted to have them all.
“We enjoyed music together and would go to festivals whenever we could, including Glastonbury. We were also regular supporters of Scottish and South African rugby (Cate was born in Durban), and went to all the games at Murrayfield and a few in Paris, Rome and Dublin.
Irving and Cate at Glastonbury Festival
“Although I didn’t manage to publish our adventures before Cate passed away, it’s now published through Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing. It’s available both as an e-book, and a paperback. The paperback is a much nicer publication, because the e-book does not do justice to the lavish colour illustrations and the glossy cover, but unfortunately Amazon pass on the high printing costs for the paperback, which puts the price up a lot in order to be able to make enough in royalties to pass on to Pilgrims Hospices. I’ve just received my first royalties, and I am able to pass on the whole sum, which is now just over £400, hopefully as the first instalment of many. I’m keen to have the book sold as widely as possible, in order to boost the donations, so the more publicity it can get the better.
“After Cate’s death we set up an online tribute page, which has raised over £1,000 for the hospices. In addition, a group of us have been writing together for the last couple of years as Deal Poets Society, and we launched our first anthology, Love, Life, Loss at the end of 2019, with a celebration at The Lighthouse in January last year. Again, all the proceeds from that work have gone to Pilgrims Hospices; we are planning a second volume for the end of this year.”
Benj (Irving Benjamin)
Dying Matters Awareness Week is a chance to come together and open up the conversation around death, dying and bereavement.
Tell your story and join in the conversation on social media using the hashtags #InAGoodPlace and #DMAW21.
Pilgrims Hospices host community events throughout the year for the general public, aiming to open up the conversation about death and dying; with film screenings, poetry readings and Death Cafes and much more, there’s something for everyone.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
