Andrew’s story: Love, loss and giving back to Pilgrims
Andrew Gillingham lives in Walmer, and was married to his wife Karen for 13 years.
Pilgrims had been there from the very beginning of their relationship, when his mother-in-law was cared for in the Thanet hospice, dying from oesophageal cancer in 2005.
In 2021, Karen received support from Pilgrims in her home, allowing her final two weeks to be in the place she loved, surrounded by the people she loved.
Karen
Their story is one of countless incredible memories, and of the breadth of care Pilgrims provides: from the home to the hospice, and from the patient to their loved ones.
“Karen was amazing.” Andrew says. “She was outgoing, bubbly and enjoyed walking our dogs in the countryside.”
Her true passion, however, was seeking out adventures a little further from home, loving nothing more than travelling abroad.
“I hadn’t travelled much, not before I met Karen. But just like her, I fell in love with it. For eight years, we travelled twice a year to a whole range of places – it was where all of our money went! But I could never regret it, you can’t put a price on memories.”
“Morocco was her favourite place, we travelled there in 2019 and loved it so much we’d booked to go again the following year. But with Covid restrictions, and Karen’s diagnosis, it was a trip we couldn’t make.”
In October 2020, Karen was diagnosed with lymphoma. She completed her treatment by the next February with the upmost bravery, and was given a 90% chance of recovery. But, her prognosis quickly began to change when her cancer developed into a brain tumour. Just two months later, she deteriorated and became paralysed from the neck down. Her condition was now terminal.
“Originally, I wasn’t allowed in the ambulance with Karen due to the restrictions surrounding coronavirus. But, because of the severity of her condition, we were allowed to travel together to University College London (UCL) Hospital. The very last time we were able to hug one another was in that ambulance.”
Karen spent three months in UCL, before being brought home with the assistance of Pilgrims Hospices in the final two weeks before she died. When she was transferred from the hospital to home, Karen asked: “Are were going on holiday now?”, a heart-warming reminder of the travels they took, so close to her heart.
Andrew remembers: “Karen’s doctors didn’t think she would survive the ambulance journey, let alone the two weeks she had at home. But as soon as she arrived, her spirits were lifted – she was singing, and all sorts!
Our bedroom was moved downstairs, our window to the outside world, and her bubbly, warm nature shone through right until the end. And one of her final requests? A cheeky tipple, a brandy!”
Karen died on 28 June 2021, with care from Pilgrims Andrew described as “nothing short of fantastic.” That care was extended to Karen’s loved ones too, through Pilgrims Stepping Stones Bereavement Support Services. Andrew attended counselling at the Thanet hospice, and joined the Bereavement Walking Groups, where he found comfort in connecting with people who had also lost a loved one.
Now, Andrew supports Pilgrims Hospices in Karen’s memory at the charity’s in memory appeals: Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love.
Andrew and Karen
“It’s my way of giving back so others can receive the same amazing care that we did. Most recently, I attended the Trees of Love service at the Thanet hospice with my step-daughter and granddaughter, so we could honour Karen during the festive season.”
Alongside Andrew’s personal support, his work has also got involved, too! In 2024, AEM Ltd (Ramsgate), one of Europe’s leading overhaul and repair facilities in the aerospace industry, selected Pilgrims Hospices as their Charity of the Year. Their staff fundraised through bake sales, colour runs, competitions and quizzes. Some of the team even took to the skies for an adrenaline-fuelled tandem skydive!
“I couldn’t quite bring myself to jump out of a plane, better them than me! But I was so proud that they chose to support Pilgrims partly in Karen’s memory. Altogether we raised an amazing £10,485.66.”
Before she died, Karen had one request of Andrew. She wanted him to continue going on holiday and to let her memory live on through their love of travel. It was a promise he kept. Andrew and his sister, Kim, travelled to Italy and Greece in 2022.
Andrew and Karen
“It was something I talked through with Sarah, one of Pilgrims counsellors. I wanted to honour Karen’s wishes in continuing to explore the world, but I knew it would be hard without her. Sarah told me that a love of travel was a gift that Karen had given to me. That always stuck with me.”
The following year, they returned to Morocco, staying in the same hotel he and Karen had.
“I needed to run Morocco past my sister first as the hotel was primarily meant for couples! But the staff were so great and remembered me from before. It was painful to go back without Karen, but I’m so glad I did. It was wonderful to share that with my sister, too, as like me, she hadn’t travelled much either.”
Five years on, Andrew says “I can’t say how much I miss Karen, I just can’t believe. It really does feel like no time has passed.”
“I want to share our story because I’m just so proud of my Karen. We spent many incredible years together full of unforgettable memories, but it was never quite long enough.”
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
10th February 2026
Hannah takes on London Marathon for Pilgrims Hospices in memory of brother
Hannah Brazier from Herne Bay will run the London Marathon on 26 April 2026 in memory of her brother, Kyran, who was cared for by Pilgrims Hospices.
With more than £2,000 raised in sponsorship, Hannah is helping to ensure that other families can continue to benefit from local hospice care.
Hannah with her brother, Kyran
After receiving a Stage 4 bowel cancer diagnosis, Kyran spent his final week in Pilgrims’ care; he died at the Canterbury hospice in September 2024, aged 36.
Hannah said: “Our experience as a family was overwhelmingly positive. During Kyran’s stay at the hospice, staff and volunteers gave him exceptional care filled with comfort, dignity and compassion. Nothing was ever too much trouble, and every need was met with kindness, patience and warmth.
“Kyran took great joy in the delicious meals he was served, the friendly jokes he shared with everyone, and the massages that helped ease his pain.
“Knowing he was so well cared for brought our family a great sense of peace.”
Inspired to give back and to say thank you, Hannah signed up to run London Marathon 2026 for Pilgrims. With the support of family and friends, she has already raised over £2,000, and with a few months still to go until the big day, she hopes to raise even more:
“Running the London Marathon in Kyran’s memory is an honour, and a chance to give something back to the organisation that gave so much to us when we needed it most. Pilgrims offered compassion, dignity, and unwavering support during the most difficult time of our lives. They didn’t just care for my brother, they cared for our entire family. We were welcomed at any hour, day or night. Staff provided toys for Kyran’s children to play with during visits, and they made space for family meals in the shared dining area. To his children, the hospice became affectionately known as the “house-pital” because it felt like a second home.
“Through fundraising, I’d like to help ensure that everyone has access to dignified end-of-life care in a comfortable setting with excellent support. While many of us shy away from talking about dying, my experience showed me how vital it is that people are able to die with dignity, compassion, and comfort. I want to help make this level of care available to all families who may need it.”
Pilgrims Hospices charity places for London Marathon 2026 are full, but if you’ve been inspired by Hannah and would like to fundraise for Pilgrims, visit our events page or contact our Fundraising team to find out more:
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
19th December 2025
Festive creativity brings comfort and connection at our Therapy Centres
Across Pilgrims Hospices’ Therapy Centres in Canterbury, Ashford and Thanet, our hospice Wellbeing services continue to support patients and their loved ones with opportunities to relax, connect, and enjoy meaningful time together.
At Pilgrims Hospice Thanet, our Time to Create group has been embracing the festive spirit. Patients recently spent a joyful session making Christmas cards, decorating pine cones, and glass painting – all while sharing friendship, laughter, and a warming cup of tea in the safe, welcoming space of the Therapy Centre.
The group was supported by Wellbeing Practitioners, Kate Brewer and Jane Stanley, who were on hand to encourage, guide and help keep spirits high.
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Kevin PHT Time To Create
Hillary Time To Create Glass Painting
Graham And Lesley Time To Create PHT
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Kate explained:
“The Time to Create group at Pilgrims Hospices is a regular, weekly art and craft therapy session for patients – and sometimes a family member. It offers a chance to develop new skills, create lasting memories, and connect with others in a supportive, calm environment designed to reduce stress and improve wellbeing.”
The benefits of creative wellbeing activities
Art and craft sessions offer much more than just a finished piece to take home; they support patients emotionally, socially and psychologically:
Skill development: Learn something new or rediscover past creative interests
Stress relief: A soothing activity that reduces anxiety, encourages mindfulness, and creates space to relax
Social connection: Build friendships and chat with others who understand similar experiences
Legacy building: Create meaningful, personal items to share with loved ones
Voices from the group
Regular attendee, Lesley, shared:
“I really enjoy the company. We always find lots to talk about, and I’ve got a wicked sense of humour – I love making people laugh.”
Graham was delighted with his festive crafting:
“I’ve enjoyed making Christmas cards today. I’ve made one especially for my sister with a penguin theme because I know she loves them.”
Jane added:
“We theme our activities around what’s happening in the world – whether it’s Christmas or another seasonal moment – to make sessions feel uplifting and meaningful.”
Pilgrims run a wide range of wellbeing groups and activities designed to support patients to live well, stay connected and enjoy the best quality of life possible.
For more information on Pilgrims Hospices’ Wellbeing Programme:
Call the Pilgrims Hospices Advice Line on 01233 504 133
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
3rd December 2025
Stepping Forward: Pilgrims Hospices launches new bereavement support group
In 2025, Pilgrims Hospices launched Stepping Forward – fortnightly, peer-led informal drop-in sessions at the Ashford and Thanet hospices for any adult living in east Kent.
It grew out of Stepping Stones, which is a monthly, more structured service for those who are newly bereaved. Stepping Forward sessions are led by volunteers who have benefited from Stepping Stones, and want to help others through their grief.
Lyn Stockham and Jane Thomas facilitate Stepping Forward at the Ashford hospice; they met at Stepping Stones after experiencing personal bereavements, and became great friends. When they felt ready to move on from Stepping Stones, they were invited to lead Stepping Forward as volunteers.
Lyn
After Lyn’s partner died suddenly, she got in touch with Pilgrims and began attending Stepping Stones groups:
“When my partner died, it was a massive shock. This probably sounds weird, but I didn’t know if I was grieving in the “right” way – I was thinking, “Am I crying enough, or too much?” There’s only so much you feel you can put on family and friends; as much as they sympathise, their lives are moving on. I needed to see other people who were going through the same thing.
“Stepping Forward is ideal for people like me who’ve attended Stepping Stones and are ready to move on but need somewhere else to go – equally, you can come along even if you haven’t been to Stepping Stones. You’re not obligated to come every week, you don’t have to come at the start time or stay until the end. You can do it at your own pace, and you don’t have to commit to attending on particular dates – it’s just as and when you feel.
“Stepping Forward is a little lighter than Stepping Stones; it’s a safe space where you can cry or laugh without feeling guilty. Once people start chatting, things flow naturally. Friendships are made, too, which is really nice. It’s a club you don’t want to be in, but you are, so we make the best of it. And we have a laugh; people often tell us they heard us laughing, and that’s lovely because it brings some joy to the hospice environment.”
Jane
Jane’s husband received Pilgrims’ care in the community, and she had counselling with Pilgrims after he died; when those sessions ended, Jane was signposted to Stepping Stones and attended for over 12 months:
“Lyn and I feel that because we’ve been through it, we can help others navigate their grief. It’s a lovely way for us to give back. We feel a real sense of achievement knowing that we’ve made someone’s day by just being there to talk.
“It’s not all doom and gloom, either; we laugh, we talk about anything and everything, and we come away feeling quite joyful. Of course people do get upset sometimes, but we just give them a hug and tell them they’re not alone.
“We’re so pleased the Ashford group is such a success; we’re getting good feedback from people saying they’re enjoying it, and they look forward to coming.”
Linda said: “Paul is very empathetic, kind and gentle, and that was noticed by the team running Stepping Stones. He would keep an eye on everyone in the group, and go to the people who seemed to be struggling, or who looked like they needed someone to talk to. So when they invited Paul and I to run Stepping Forward, we jumped at the chance.”
“We’ve been on courses to prepare us for running the groups – we’re really supported by the hospice to help people understand their grief. We’ve been supported all the way, from our own grief experiences, and now to giving back and helping people who are going through the same things.
“The group is so welcoming to new members, so compassionate; it’s a pleasure to see how they support each other and form friendships. There’s a lot of positivity in the group. As volunteers, we aren’t there to share our grief, but to facilitate conversations, and give people the space to share their experiences. We do tell them we’re together, and that we met through Stepping Stones, to give that little beacon of hope that there is life beyond grief.
“When we come to the hospice, we’re happy. It’s not about death here, it’s about living. It really is part of our family, part of us. It grows with us, we grow with it. We’ve developed as human beings, and as a couple, only because of the support, care and kindness we’ve experienced at Pilgrims.”
Paul and Linda
Paul continued: “It’s really strengthened our relationship, being able to volunteer together. We spend all our time together – except when we’re at work during the day – so to come here and do this as well really works for us. We love it. We’re always excited to be there alongside people as they explore their grief and share with each other in such a compassionate environment.
“The hospice helped us immensely when we needed it; we often wonder where we’d be if not for Pilgrims. Now, it’s a spiritual home for both of us. When we walk in the hospice doors, we feel their arms wrap around us. It’s a lovely place, full of hope. Stepping Stones is the reason we met; we owe it all to Pilgrims, and we want to give back in whatever way we can. We’re so lucky that we get to come here, and help others like us.”
Linda added: “Pilgrims saved our lives. People don’t realise how valuable it is; there’s so much peripheral support, and everyone should know what’s available and how Pilgrims can help.”
Stepping Forward is currently offered at our Ashford and Thanet hospices. For more information, please contact us:
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
2nd December 2025
Growing with grief: Stepping Stones Bereavement Support Services at Pilgrims Hospices
Stepping Stones is available and free to any adult living in east Kent. There is no requirement to have previously received hospice services, and the charity support people who have experienced any form of loss.
Annie with Esther Rantzen at the parliamentary launch of National Grief Awareness Week in October 2019
Set up in 2019, it has grown from a small-scale project that initially provided bereavement support to families whose loved ones died in local hospitals.
Annie Hogben, Stepping Stones Project Development Lead, said:
“Pilgrims has always considered the bereavement needs of our families, but we also recognised the need to work alongside other providers of health and social care to ensure all bereaved people have access to local, structured support. We created an initiative to collaborate with our colleagues in East Kent Hospitals and South Kent Cruse Bereavement Support to build a robust service for all local bereaved people. This project also provided an opportunity to develop Pilgrims’ first group of Stepping Stones bereavement support volunteers, enabling people from a variety of backgrounds to use their skills and develop new ones in a rewarding activity.
“Stepping Stones was developed through research into similar bereavement support projects and an understanding of the national strategies related to effective bereavement support. Understanding what support is currently available locally was aided through our collaboration with South Kent Cruse Bereavement Care, helping us to recognise the gap in services. In its infancy, Stepping Stones aimed to provide monthly support groups for bereaved adults in east Kent. Six months after this service went live, we were invited to be part of the Parliamentary launch of National Grief Awareness Week, where we received an acknowledgement award for our Stepping Stones project.”
Stepping Stones timeline
2018 Service design and volunteer role development
2019Volunteer recruitment and training, and service launch. Service reach extended to any adult living in east Kent. Acknowledgement award received at the Parliamentary launch of National Grief Awareness Week.
2020Face-to-face service paused due to COVID; telephone support service provided during the pandemic.
2021 Re-launch as core hospice bereavement service offering equitable access to everyone living in east Kent, regardless of any previous involvement with hospice services.
2022Launch of weekly Walk & Talk groups
2023 Stepping Stones coordinator role introduced
2024Targeted promotion to GP surgeries, funeral directors, pharmacies, libraries, other community groups and services
2025 Launch of Stepping Forward, a fortnightly peer-led drop-in group, currently offered at the Ashford and Thanet hospices
Sophie Van Walwyk, Head of Bereavement Services, said:
Sophie Van Walwyk, Head of Bereavement Services
“Bereavement support is a vital part of hospice care, and I’m delighted to lead on our current three-year strategy focussing on the growth and sustainability of bereavement services for the people of east Kent.
“Stepping Stones has evolved from a small, standalone project to a key provider of bereavement support to adults in east Kent. I’m immensely proud of our bereavement services, and especially our dedicated team of staff and volunteers who make it possible for the hospice to continue supporting as many people as possible through their grief.”
What people say about Stepping Stones
“Thank you for all the support you’ve given me; you’ve helped me deal with one of the most difficult times I’ve ever been through.”
“A brilliant group and so supportive. I really look forward to my Tuesday walks. Thank you.”
“Very easy way to meet others going through bereavement, no pressure, relaxed.”
“This is an amazing service that I have really benefited from.”
Become a Stepping Stones volunteer
Our team of over 30 Stepping Stones volunteers deliver our services across east Kent. With a wealth of skills and experience, they come from all backgrounds – professional and non-professional, as well as people who’ve been through their own grief journey and now want to help others.
Pilgrims provide full training and ongoing support. For more information about becoming a Stepping Stones volunteer, or to express your interest, please email [email protected].
To find out more about Stepping Stones bereavement support in your area, or to register with our service, please contact us:
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
11th November 2025
Avneet’s journey as a junior doctor at Pilgrims Hospices: “Pilgrims enables dignity in death”
At Pilgrims Hospices, specialist palliative care doctors and consultants play a vital role in supporting patients and their families.
They focus on managing and improving the physical symptoms that accompany a variety of life-limiting illnesses, with the broader aim of helping people to live well – in both mind and body – in the time that they have left.
Avneet Kaur Dhandee, a junior doctor from London, completed a placement at the Canterbury hospice in 2025. She shares her experiences, including how her Sikh faith, informs her medical practice.
What inspired you to do your training at Pilgrims Hospices?
I’m interested in becoming a GP, with special interests in palliative care and mental health, so I felt a hospice placement would be essential to inform my future career. I’ve gained immense knowledge from my time at Pilgrims, and look forward to applying this to my practice, which will include hospitals, care homes and patients’ homes.
What has your role involved and what have you learnt through working at Pilgrims? Has anything surprised you?
Working at Pilgrims, I’ve seen how effective primary care management can aid in reducing the pressure on hospice services, which are mostly funded by charitable donations.
Pilgrims deliver skilled and compassionate end-of-life care, free of charge, to thousands of people across east Kent every year. They provide extensive services in the community, with care teams attending patients in their homes, care homes, and nursing homes. Supporting families is also a key focus; Pilgrims offer dedicated groups, from therapies to legacy work and so much more.
I’ve been able to get involved with delivering many of these services, including:
Clerking in new patients
Identifying actively dying patients and managing their care appropriately
Prescribing effective medication dosages and identifying beneficial choices of analgesia, anti-emetics, laxatives, and syringe drivers
Visiting patients at home alongside the medical team
Throughout my placement, I was guided and supported by a consultant and the wider Pilgrims team, who are all amazing!
I initially associated hospice work with sadness, grief and anguish, but I felt so much gratitude during my time at Pilgrims. Whilst some negative emotions are definitely more real than ever within the hospice environment, positive feelings shine through; families share their gratefulness for the care, patients express relief as they become the most pain-free they’ve ever been, and it’s lovely to see the comfort people feel thanks to the kindness shown by staff.
Do you have any favourite memories from your time at Pilgrims?
Something I’m most proud of is taking part in the Pilgrims Way Challenge 2025, which took place whilst I was working at the hospice. I completed the challenge with my medical school friend, Sana. We walked 35km from Dover to the Canterbury hospice, on a very hot day! When we crossed the finish line, we were cheered on by the wonderful ward nurses and patients.
Sana Hussain And Avneet Kaur Dhandee 1
Sana Hussain And Avneet Kaur Dhandee 2
Afterwards, I visited the hospice and showed my medal to the nurses and patients I’d been looking after. I was particularly emotional and overwhelmed by the donations I received from family, friends, staff, patients and patients’ families – with messages including “thank you for your kindness and care towards my sister” and “thank you for being the best doctor I’ve met.”
Sana and I are proud to have raised over £2,600 for Pilgrims!
Did you have any preconceptions/assumptions about hospice care before coming to Pilgrims?
I thought hospice care was only for those at the end of life; I imagined sick people who were very close to dying. I now know that it often starts much earlier, when life-limiting diagnoses are made. Not everyone comes to the hospice to die; symptom control is a key reason for referral, to help enable patients to live well in the community. Pilgrims has a dedicated team for community visits, which expands care beyond the hospice walls.
Why is hospice care important?
I practice the Sikh faith, and am inspired by many Sikh values in how I live my life. Core aspects of the Sikh ethos include the Panjabi terms “sewa” (selfless service) and “daya” (compassion).
As hospices are almost completely charity funded, they are a prime example of sewa and daya, helping to better thousands of people’s lives and their experiences of end-of-life care, every single year.
Not only do hospices support patients with life-limiting conditions with their physical symptoms, they also support both patients and families with the psychological challenges faced at such an emotional time.
Why do we need to talk about death and dying, and how does Pilgrims help people to do this?
I’m inspired by Bhagat Puran Singh Ji (1904-1992), a prominent Sikh personality who was a humanitarian and environmentalist. He founded Pingalwara in Amritsar, a refuge for the sick, disabled, destitute, and abandoned, which developed into a charity that continues to flourish, expand and serve hundreds of thousands.
Bhagat Puran Singh Ji once stated: “Dignity in death is a birthright of each living thing.” His advocacy for death with dignity centered on ensuring that those who were terminally ill spent their final days in cleanliness, comfort, and love, without suffering – allowing them to die peacefully, cared for, and respected.
I believe these teachings and acts of service that I have looked up to are naturally been embedded within Pilgrims’ vision and care. Pilgrims encourage patient and family involvement from the first assessment and beyond – ensuring that patient wishes and dignity are upheld to the best of our abilities. As a multidisciplinary team, we all strive to work together in assessing needs, prioritising patient comfort, providing wider support to family and friends, and ensuring patient wishes are at the forefront of everything we do.
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
