Deborah Appleton’s dad, Wally, and husband, Pete, each received Pilgrims Hospices’ vital end-of-life care, so she now remembers them as part of the charity’s Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love campaigns.
Here, Deborah shares why remembering her loved ones in this way is so important.
Deborah’s dad, Wally
When Dad started to become ill, my sister and I decided we would care for him at home for as long as we were able. It wasn’t an easy task, we did the best we could but he was going downhill rapidly.
We sat and talked with him about going into the hospice as we all knew it was only a matter of time. At first he refused to go, then one evening he took a turn for the worse and asked us to ring the hospice. That was the first encounter I had with the hospice; we didn’t know what to expect, how he would be looked after or anything about how it worked.
We needn’t have worried. The staff at the hospice were absolutely amazing. They explained everything to us in a way we could understand, and each and every one of them treated our dad as though treating one of their own loved ones. The attention, compassion, gentleness and devotion to their patient knew no bounds – not just for Dad, but also for us as a family. They didn’t just care for Dad in a medical way, they were also there with advice and for any help we needed from there on in, reassuring us that they were there for us not just at that time but whenever we felt we needed them. That’s when I realised just how special the people who work at the hospice are.
That’s what they do at the hospice, they give you a shining light when all you see around you is darkness and despair. That is what the sunflowers represent to me personally.
Deborah
So, over the years that have passed the hospice and all of its staff have been a very big and important part of my life. I always love attending the carol service, which was sadly marred by the dreaded COVID outbreak, but the sentiment and feeling was as beautiful as ever. That’s what they do at the hospice, they give you a shining light when all you see around you is darkness and despair.
That is what the sunflowers represent to me personally. There’s a sunflower quote that says, “Our stories and struggles are all different, but we each deserve to bloom, something will grow from the pain and anguish you are going through, and the something… will be you!”
Deborah and Pete
Then last year, the worst news I could ever have expected suddenly took my breath away and ripped my heart and my world to shreds.
My beautiful husband, best friend, constant companion and confidant, soulmate, twin flame and complete love of my life for the past 40 years was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Within three months I had lost the only man I have ever and will ever love. There was barely a day we were not together; we worked together, played together, laughed, cried, you name it, we did it together.
My whole life felt like somewhere I didn’t want to be anymore, but we fought the battle together and with the help of my sons and daughter we gave it everything we had.
We nursed Pete at home at first, but he had a fall and was taken to hospital, where they found he had two broken ribs, so he didn’t come home. We were blessed though because staff from the hospice came and took him with them. He was a different person while he was in there. Cheeky, contented and had 100% faith in all of the staff. They were wonderful with him; if I couldn’t look after him at home, I can think of no place nor people better that I could or would have left him with.
My darling Pete passed a week later. We made a pact when we were first together all those years ago, that whoever went first wouldn’t completely go until it was time for the other. I’m proud and lucky to say, “My Pete did not let me down”. I’m as proud of him as I have ever been, and know that no matter what, one day we will unite as that one spark we have always been.
Sunflower Memories events will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 30 July 2022.
If you’d prefer to remember from home, please visit our online Memory Wall where you can post pictures and messages in honour of your loved one as part of our annual summer remembrance.
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
15th June 2022
Walkers put their best foot forward for Pilgrims
More than 600 walkers took part in the award-winning Pilgrims Way Challenge charity walk on Saturday 11 June 2022. The event has raised £74,000 this year, with early estimations being that the event will exceed £90,000 for Pilgrims once all fundraising is counted.
With three distances to choose from, 25km, 35km or 55km, walkers of all fitness levels were able to enjoy the rural beauty of one of England’s oldest and least-trodden national trails.Starting from the picturesque village of Wye within the Kent Downs AONB, those taking part walked through the scenic Stour Valley, to historic Canterbury, and onwards to finish inside the inner bailey of Dover Castle, journeying through some of the most charming villages in Kent, whilst being surrounded by endless green fields, rolling hillside views, quiet country lanes, historic buildings and ancient woodlands.
This popular annual charity fundraising event goes from strength to strength, with hikers and runners joining from across east Kent and further afield, all of them passionate about their walking, and everyone raising money to support end-of-life care at Pilgrims Hospices and within the community.
The weather was glorious, as walkers started their mammoth challenge. New faces joined many returning supporters who know the event is well planned, with rest stops, snack stations and bundles of volunteers and staff to support and encourage them along the way.
Robert Grew, Pilgrims Events Manager said: “It was fantastic to welcome so many Pilgrims hikers to another sun-filled Pilgrims Way Challenge at the weekend. I’m in awe of their determination, and extraordinary efforts to march so many miles in support of the compassionate, end-of-life care that Pilgrims Hospices provide. They really stepped up to the challenge and I’d certainly say they’ve earned putting their feet up for a while! I’d also like to say a big thank you to the many dedicated staff and volunteers, without whom the event couldn’t take place. Their boundless enthusiasm and friendly smiles kept participants going all the way to the finish.”
Linda Macdonald
One walking (if not staggering) event statistic is, those taking part jointly achieved an incredible 21,475 kilometres on the day. That’s the equivalent of walking from London to Rome 7 times!
Linda Macdonald from Folkestone completed the 35 km route. She said:
“The walk was so well organised and the volunteer teams cheered us on, fed and watered the participants too. All with good humour and encouragement. It was a hot day, but the various churches along the route offered tranquillity and shade. Thank you all for such a great event.”
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
10th June 2022
Kate braves skydive for Pilgrims Hospices in memory of dad
Kate Jordan from Herne Bay is aiming to raise £3,000 for Pilgrims Hospices by braving a tandem skydive on 17 July 2022.
She has already raised more than £1,000 for the local hospice charity in memory of her dad, Nicholas Jordan, who was cared for by Pilgrims in 2020.
Kate’s dad, Nicholas
Nicholas was a talented graphic designer and a photographer, and ran a small business – Blame Poppy Pictures – drawing portraits of dogs. He was a loving father to Kate and her sister, Beth.
Kate said: “Dad was one of the funniest people. He was so unbelievably caring and kind, I really couldn’t have asked for anything more. He was my rock through everything, always supporting me and putting life into perspective for me. Most importantly, he was an excellent father to Beth and I.”
When Nicholas was diagnosed with mesothelioma, Pilgrims supported the whole family both during his illness and after his death.
Kate continued: “When my sister and I experienced the worst day of our lives, aged just 17 and 20, the hospice supported and cared for not only our dad, but us as a family. From the simple, kind gestures like making us a cup of tea, to answering all of our questions honestly, and most importantly, making sure my dad was comfortable till the end.
“After he passed, the effort they made to make sure that we would have a comforting last image of our dad was something I will always be beyond grateful for. Not only did we receive help from the hospice during my dad’s time there, but I was also offered counselling, which helped me so much during the second COVID-19 lockdown and really allowed me to come to terms with what had happened and how to adjust to life after such a loss.”
When my sister and I experienced the worst day of our lives, aged just 17 and 20, the hospice supported and cared for not only our dad, but us as a family. From the simple, kind gestures like making us a cup of tea, to answering all of our questions honestly, and most importantly, making sure my dad was comfortable till the end.
Kate
To give back and say thank you, Kate will take on a tandem skydive for Pilgrims on 17 July 2022. With the support of family and friends, she is hopeful that she can reach and exceed her £3,000 fundraising target so that other families can benefit from Pilgrims’ vital care.
Kate said: “I’m so excited, but slightly terrified! I like to think that I will be making my dad proud by doing this skydive in his memory; even though he is no longer with us, I know he will be looking down on me on the day.
“My family and friends have been very generous by donating, sharing myJustGiving page and helping me organise charity quiz nights that will boost my fundraising. I’ve also received a lot of help from Pilgrims, specifically Lydia Todd in the fundraising team, who has guided me on the best and most effective ways to raise money.
“Pilgrims is a charity that will always be close to my heart. I want them to be able to continue their incredible work, providing families just like mine with sanity and comfort at the most difficult time of their lives. Pilgrims made the hardest day of my life a little less hard, and for that I will always be grateful.”
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
6th June 2022
Pilgrims Hospice Ashford needs your support for its Summer Fair
Pilgrims Hospices’ much-loved annual Summer Fair is back at The Farriers Arms in Mersham again this year and will be held on Saturday 13 August from 11am to 4pm.
This annual fair is a wonderful day and an amazing fundraiser for the hospice, but to make it possible requires an abundance of bottles, chocolates, prizes and much more.
Pilgrims is asking the local community to help out by donating any unopened bottles, from champagne to shampoo, chocolates, unwanted gifts, new craft items and new toys and games.
The success of the day is always down to the kindness of the local community, who every year have joined in with support and donated a great deal of items to make the day so enjoyable. Estate agents Andrew & Co are kindly sponsoring the fair and also holding donation points at their offices in Ashford, Cheriton and New Romney. The Beehive at 1-3 North Street, Ashford is also helping by holding a collection point. Alternatively, you can drop items into a collection box held outside the lower reception at the hospice site on Hythe Road, Ashford TN24 0NE.
There will be a wide range of traditional stalls to visit on the day with something for everyone and all ages. Afternoon teas will be on offer, games, crafts, tombolas and much more. There will also be a visit from a beautiful princess, a mesmerising magician, and a few superheroes will be flying in to help keep the children entertained.
There will be free parking in the field behind The Farriers Arms. Entry to the fair will be free, with donations welcomed.
Pilgrims Hospices is a charity that helps people facing incurable illness to live well in every moment, offering care and support for people where and when it’s needed. To do so, they need to raise £11 million each year from voluntary donations.
For more details about the fair, visit pilgrimshospices.org/summer-fair or contact the fundraising team:
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
28th April 2022
A big Pilgrims Hospices thank you to the The Hospital Saturday Fund
At its heart, Pilgrims Hospices is dedicated to ensuring people living with a terminal illness can access the quality care and comfort they deserve, so it is with deep gratitude that we have been awarded another amazing grant from The Hospital Saturday Fund, which has been used to purchase an Ocean VIP Shower Chair for use on the inpatient unit at Pilgrims Hospice Thanet.
To manage many of the symptoms of an incurable disease, Pilgrims aims to be able to provide the best equipment to its patients. We need to guarantee that our patients’ care and comfort is uppermost. This is one of the main costs associated with our work; as specialist equipment is expensive to purchase and is well-used.
This vital piece of equipment is already being used on a regular basis to move our patients safely from their beds to the toilet/shower with extra gentle care and dignity. The shower chair is also helping to reduce physical strain on the clinical teams’ necks and backs when moving patients.
We’re so grateful to The Hospital Saturday Fund for choosing to support Pilgrims Hospices once again, and helping to ensure we remain here for our patients and their families, now and in the future. Together, we make a difference.
Thank you!
Pictured below: Occupational therapists from Pilgrims Hospice Thanet with the new shower chair
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
27th April 2022
Barry’s super beard shave for Pilgrims Hospices
Barry Ash from Hawkinge, near Folkestone, set out to raise £5,000 for Pilgrims Hospices by completing a superhero-themed beard shave on Saturday 23 April 2022.
Barry with his mum, Carole
Barry is fundraising in memory of his mum, Carole, who was cared for at the Canterbury hospice in January 2022. Carole was from West Hougham, near Dover, where she lived with Barry’s dad, John.
Inspired by the support his family received, Barry wants to give back to the local charity so that others can benefit from its vital, compassionate care.
Barry said: “From the moment Mum was referred to Pilgrims, the care was outstanding – from pain management, to her personal care, including brushing her hair and teeth, to our care as a family. They spoke to us about what Mum was going through, and reassured us so we weren’t scared of what was going to happen. Staff were always on hand to answer any questions we had.
“I used to think that Pilgrims was just a place to die, but now I see a much bigger picture; they care for everyone, both patients and families, and so much more.”
Laura and Barry as Wonder Woman and Superman
Barry and his wife, Laura, love all things superheroes. To say thank you for the care Carole received, they organised a themed fundraiser – on Saturday 23 April 2022, Barry dressed as Superman and had his beard shaved off outside Get Ready Comics in Rochester. Paul Blakeborough, who owns the shop, and his team, helped to organise the day. Barry’s wife, Laura, joined him as Wonder Woman.
Barry continued: “This was a chance to raise money for Pilgrims, have some fun and bring smiles to people’s faces at the same time. Mum knew what we were planning; she loved the idea and we know she was smiling down on us on the day.
“We started off walking up and down the high street and the reactions were just awesome; not just from kids, but from their parents as well. Everyone wanted a picture with us! They asked what we were doing, and as soon as I said that we were raising money and awareness for Pilgrims everyone put their hands into their pockets and gave what they could. It was so nice.
“The beard shave started at 12:30; Shayne Kingham was the kind man who gave up his time to do the deed.”
Barry and Laura have raised £4,175 of his target thanks to the generosity of work clients, friends, family and members of the public, and his JustGiving page will remain open for further donations now that he has completed his challenge.
He hopes that alongside raising money, he has also increased awareness of Pilgrims’ services within the community.
Barry and Laura with Carole
He added: “They say that you remember people by how they made you feel. The staff and nurses at the Canterbury hospice left a long-lasting impression; we are full of gratitude and thankfulness for everything they did for us in the final stages of Mum’s illness.
“The kindness we were all shown in Mum’s last few days was phenomenal; it is something we will never forget.”
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
