Remembering Elspeth: “The hospice became her sanctuary”
Elspeth Ogilvie from Ashford was a bright, creative and joyful young woman.
She enjoyed her job working with babies at a local nursery, having previously been a nanny to twins in London, and had dreams of writing and illustrating children’s books.
In 2023, aged 23, Elspeth was sadly diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour. She underwent surgery and received radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
When her treatment ended in April 2024, she was referred to Pilgrims Hospices for palliative care. Elspeth died at home on 16 December 2024, aged 25.
Elspeth’s parents, Jacky and Mark, share their story, remembering Elspeth and how Pilgrims helped her to make the most of the time she had.
Time to Create groups and Wellbeing events
Elspeth was a talented artist, and she loved music. During her illness, Pilgrims helped Elspeth to continue with creative pursuits. She attended Time to Create, therapeutic art groups held at the hospice Therapy Centre, with her dad.
Although she lost the use of her dominant hand and developed a tremor in her other hand, she was still able to enjoy making art.
Elspeth’s artwork
Jacky: “She was very disparaging about what she created (given she had to use her non-dominant hand, which was affected by a significant tremor due to her medication). However, she looked forward immensely to going; it was definitely the highlight of her week.”
Time to Create was one of the last things Elspeth left her house for; “she was determined to go”, Mark says.
In 2025, Elspeth’s artwork was featured in Dead Good Artists, an exhibition at The Wooden Box Gallery in Ramsgate, which was a collaborative project with Pilgrims. Relatives and close friends were invited to attend a workshop to talk about the artistic sides of their loved one’s lives; Mark and Jacky took great comfort in this, as it happened just four months after Elspeth’s death, when they were newly bereaved.
Elspeth also loved Living Well sessions at the hospice – the entertainment (especially if music was involved), fun quizzes, food and chats with others. Jacky often accompanied her to help with her care, and Pilgrims provided a wheelchair for Elspeth to get around more easily.
In August 2024, Pilgrims patients enjoyed a dance performance at the Canterbury hospice by Doorstep Duets, a project created by New Adventures and Farnham Maltings as a response to social isolation.
Elspeth attended with her parents; afterwards, they had a picnic lunch prepared by the catering team and took a walk in the gardens.
Care and support
Elspeth was supported by teams across Pilgrims; occupational therapists sourced specialist equipment that enabled her to live independently at home and aid her mobility – including commodes, handrails, a hospital-style bed, a reclining chair and a hoist – and trained Mark and Jacky in how to use it.
A CAMEL inflatable device to help Elspeth off the floor when she fell was invaluable on multiple occasions, as were gadgets to help her get in and out of the car.
Pilgrims also organised carers and district nurses to visit Elspeth at home, and the family were invited to visit the Ashford hospice so that Elspeth would feel comfortable if she needed to stay there.
Jacky: “They were so helpful and kind, always asking what more they could do and how they could empower Elspeth to achieve things that were important to her.
“When I confessed that our cat had been on her inflated mattress at home, whilst Elspeth was staying at the hospice (and I suspected it now wasn’t working, courtesy of little claws!), a replacement arrived swiftly without issue.”
Mark and Jacky fondly recall Pal, a Wellbeing Practitioner, visiting Elspeth at home when she was unable to leave the house. Pal gave Elspeth a henna decoration on her hand; a little gesture that made a big difference.
Jacky: “Pal stroked her hand and chatted away to her. Elspeth really enjoyed the company of another young person, especially as she knew Pal from her sessions at the hospice. By that point, Elspeth could barely speak, but you could see the pleasure in her eyes.”
When a family friend who was studying photography offered to do a photoshoot with Jacky and Elspeth in the Ashford hospice gardens, Pal was on hand to do Elspeth’s make-up.
During the times Elspeth needed extra care, she was able to have a bed at the Ashford hospice; Pilgrims contacted Mark and Jacky daily with updates and to let them know when a place would be available, something they really appreciated.
They were able to visit whenever they wanted, which gave Elspeth great comfort, and food and refreshments were always available.
Jacky: “We could get nutritious inexpensive meals at the hospice; we had no time or energy to shop or cook, so we really appreciated this and it made a big difference.”
Other loved ones were welcomed, too, including Elspeth’s niece, Lola, who enjoyed spending time in the family lounge. With toys, games and books provided for younger family members, it made a difficult time a little easier.
Mark and Jacky were even able to bring the family dog, Rosie, for a visit.
Elspeth with her niece, Lola, and her parents and their dog, Rosie
Jacky: “When Elspeth’s world reduced, and particularly when she couldn’t go out for day trips anymore because it was too tiring, the hospice became her sanctuary, it helped her so much.
“She loved having a bath at Pilgrims; the care teams made it such a lovely experience for her, taking their time, washing her hair and helping her feel relaxed.
“She also appreciated the massages she received at Pilgrims, and revelled in those sessions. I was offered these and adored them, too, and felt so calm afterwards.”
As Elspeth’s ability to communicate deteriorated due to the brain tumour and medication, her parents valued the extra time and care Pilgrims’ teams took with her.
Mark: “The staff are so friendly and welcoming; from healthcare assistants, to nurses, to the kitchen team, everyone attuned very quickly to Elspeth’s needs. They understood that firing suggestions at her was counter-productive, so they gave her space to get her message across.”
Jacky: “When I’d eventually figured out what she wanted to eat, I’d pop my head into the kitchen and ask; it never seemed to phase them. It was just so nice, they were so patient.
“Due to her medication, she needed lots of condiments to satisfy her tastebuds, so they made sure she had her own basket, which was regularly topped up.
“We never felt like we were in the way. When I had my airbed beside Elspeth’s hospice bed, the cleaners just worked around us, it was no problem.”
Towards the end of Elspeth’s life, Pilgrims was available by phone 24/7; when anything changed in her condition, her parents could speak to a nurse immediately for advice and support.
Jacky: “This reduced our stress levels immensely, especially during the night and at weekends when our regular GP surgery was unavailable.”
Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love
Mark and Jacky attended Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love for the first time in 2025, during the first year after Elspeth’s death. They enjoyed being in the gardens and seeing some staff they knew.
Mark: “Elspeth adored sunflowers, so when we heard that they were “Pilgrims’ flower”, that made Sunflower Memories extra special for us. She had a pair of Lucy & Yak trousers with a sunflower print, which she loved.
“When she had open cranial surgery in preparation for chemotherapy, she didn’t know how much hair she’d lose, so she bought lots of wooly hats and one of them had sunflowers on.”
Trees of Love was particularly poignant, as it took place close to Elspeth’s first anniversary.
Jacky: “Christmas was Elspeth’s favourite time of year. We didn’t know quite what to expect, but attending a service at the hospice was important to us, as we’d been so often with Elspeth during her illness – for short stays, therapy sessions and wellbeing groups – and we’d spent time in the gardens, too, so being here meant a lot.
“It was beautiful; seeing Elspeth’s dove, the lights and the singing made it very special. Mark didn’t know what I’d written on the dove until he saw it on the day, so that was very sweet. It was lovely coming together with others and having the chance to fundraise for Pilgrims.”
Mark: “It was emotional as it was very close to Elspeth’s first anniversary, but we did well. We had so much help from everybody at the hospice, so it’s our way of giving back.”
Jacky: “Pilgrims offered us support and sanity, and we will forever remember the endless kind faces, caring words and thoughtful gestures. They are incredibly outstanding in all they do.”
Pilgrims run a wide range of wellbeing groups and activities designed to support patients to live well, stay connected and enjoy the best quality of life possible.
For more information on Pilgrims Hospices’ Wellbeing Programme:
- Visit pilgrimshospices.org/wellbeing
- Email [email protected]
- Call the Pilgrims Hospices Advice Line on 01233 504 133