Stepping Forward: Pilgrims Hospices launches new bereavement support group
In 2025, Pilgrims Hospices launched Stepping Forward – fortnightly, peer-led informal drop-in sessions at the Ashford and Thanet hospices for any adult living in east Kent.
It grew out of Stepping Stones, which is a monthly, more structured service for those who are newly bereaved. Stepping Forward sessions are led by volunteers who have benefited from Stepping Stones, and want to help others through their grief.
Lyn Stockham and Jane Thomas facilitate Stepping Forward at the Ashford hospice; they met at Stepping Stones after experiencing personal bereavements, and became great friends. When they felt ready to move on from Stepping Stones, they were invited to lead Stepping Forward as volunteers.
Lyn
After Lyn’s partner died suddenly, she got in touch with Pilgrims and began attending Stepping Stones groups:
“When my partner died, it was a massive shock. This probably sounds weird, but I didn’t know if I was grieving in the “right” way – I was thinking, “Am I crying enough, or too much?” There’s only so much you feel you can put on family and friends; as much as they sympathise, their lives are moving on. I needed to see other people who were going through the same thing.
“Stepping Forward is ideal for people like me who’ve attended Stepping Stones and are ready to move on but need somewhere else to go – equally, you can come along even if you haven’t been to Stepping Stones. You’re not obligated to come every week, you don’t have to come at the start time or stay until the end. You can do it at your own pace, and you don’t have to commit to attending on particular dates – it’s just as and when you feel.
“Stepping Forward is a little lighter than Stepping Stones; it’s a safe space where you can cry or laugh without feeling guilty. Once people start chatting, things flow naturally. Friendships are made, too, which is really nice. It’s a club you don’t want to be in, but you are, so we make the best of it. And we have a laugh; people often tell us they heard us laughing, and that’s lovely because it brings some joy to the hospice environment.”
Jane
Jane’s husband received Pilgrims’ care in the community, and she had counselling with Pilgrims after he died; when those sessions ended, Jane was signposted to Stepping Stones and attended for over 12 months:
“Lyn and I feel that because we’ve been through it, we can help others navigate their grief. It’s a lovely way for us to give back. We feel a real sense of achievement knowing that we’ve made someone’s day by just being there to talk.
“It’s not all doom and gloom, either; we laugh, we talk about anything and everything, and we come away feeling quite joyful. Of course people do get upset sometimes, but we just give them a hug and tell them they’re not alone.
“We’re so pleased the Ashford group is such a success; we’re getting good feedback from people saying they’re enjoying it, and they look forward to coming.”
Linda said: “Paul is very empathetic, kind and gentle, and that was noticed by the team running Stepping Stones. He would keep an eye on everyone in the group, and go to the people who seemed to be struggling, or who looked like they needed someone to talk to. So when they invited Paul and I to run Stepping Forward, we jumped at the chance.”
“We’ve been on courses to prepare us for running the groups – we’re really supported by the hospice to help people understand their grief. We’ve been supported all the way, from our own grief experiences, and now to giving back and helping people who are going through the same things.
“The group is so welcoming to new members, so compassionate; it’s a pleasure to see how they support each other and form friendships. There’s a lot of positivity in the group. As volunteers, we aren’t there to share our grief, but to facilitate conversations, and give people the space to share their experiences. We do tell them we’re together, and that we met through Stepping Stones, to give that little beacon of hope that there is life beyond grief.
“When we come to the hospice, we’re happy. It’s not about death here, it’s about living. It really is part of our family, part of us. It grows with us, we grow with it. We’ve developed as human beings, and as a couple, only because of the support, care and kindness we’ve experienced at Pilgrims.”
Paul and Linda
Paul continued: “It’s really strengthened our relationship, being able to volunteer together. We spend all our time together – except when we’re at work during the day – so to come here and do this as well really works for us. We love it. We’re always excited to be there alongside people as they explore their grief and share with each other in such a compassionate environment.
“The hospice helped us immensely when we needed it; we often wonder where we’d be if not for Pilgrims. Now, it’s a spiritual home for both of us. When we walk in the hospice doors, we feel their arms wrap around us. It’s a lovely place, full of hope. Stepping Stones is the reason we met; we owe it all to Pilgrims, and we want to give back in whatever way we can. We’re so lucky that we get to come here, and help others like us.”
Linda added: “Pilgrims saved our lives. People don’t realise how valuable it is; there’s so much peripheral support, and everyone should know what’s available and how Pilgrims can help.”
Stepping Forward is currently offered at our Ashford and Thanet hospices. For more information, please contact us:
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
2nd December 2025
Growing with grief: Stepping Stones Bereavement Support Services at Pilgrims Hospices
Stepping Stones is available and free to any adult living in east Kent. There is no requirement to have previously received hospice services, and the charity support people who have experienced any form of loss.
Annie with Esther Rantzen at the parliamentary launch of National Grief Awareness Week in October 2019
Set up in 2019, it has grown from a small-scale project that initially provided bereavement support to families whose loved ones died in local hospitals.
Annie Hogben, Stepping Stones Project Development Lead, said:
“Pilgrims has always considered the bereavement needs of our families, but we also recognised the need to work alongside other providers of health and social care to ensure all bereaved people have access to local, structured support. We created an initiative to collaborate with our colleagues in East Kent Hospitals and South Kent Cruse Bereavement Support to build a robust service for all local bereaved people. This project also provided an opportunity to develop Pilgrims’ first group of Stepping Stones bereavement support volunteers, enabling people from a variety of backgrounds to use their skills and develop new ones in a rewarding activity.
“Stepping Stones was developed through research into similar bereavement support projects and an understanding of the national strategies related to effective bereavement support. Understanding what support is currently available locally was aided through our collaboration with South Kent Cruse Bereavement Care, helping us to recognise the gap in services. In its infancy, Stepping Stones aimed to provide monthly support groups for bereaved adults in east Kent. Six months after this service went live, we were invited to be part of the Parliamentary launch of National Grief Awareness Week, where we received an acknowledgement award for our Stepping Stones project.”
Stepping Stones timeline
2018 Service design and volunteer role development
2019Volunteer recruitment and training, and service launch. Service reach extended to any adult living in east Kent. Acknowledgement award received at the Parliamentary launch of National Grief Awareness Week.
2020Face-to-face service paused due to COVID; telephone support service provided during the pandemic.
2021 Re-launch as core hospice bereavement service offering equitable access to everyone living in east Kent, regardless of any previous involvement with hospice services.
2022Launch of weekly Walk & Talk groups
2023 Stepping Stones coordinator role introduced
2024Targeted promotion to GP surgeries, funeral directors, pharmacies, libraries, other community groups and services
2025 Launch of Stepping Forward, a fortnightly peer-led drop-in group, currently offered at the Ashford and Thanet hospices
Sophie Van Walwyk, Head of Bereavement Services, said:
Sophie Van Walwyk, Head of Bereavement Services
“Bereavement support is a vital part of hospice care, and I’m delighted to lead on our current three-year strategy focussing on the growth and sustainability of bereavement services for the people of east Kent.
“Stepping Stones has evolved from a small, standalone project to a key provider of bereavement support to adults in east Kent. I’m immensely proud of our bereavement services, and especially our dedicated team of staff and volunteers who make it possible for the hospice to continue supporting as many people as possible through their grief.”
What people say about Stepping Stones
“Thank you for all the support you’ve given me; you’ve helped me deal with one of the most difficult times I’ve ever been through.”
“A brilliant group and so supportive. I really look forward to my Tuesday walks. Thank you.”
“Very easy way to meet others going through bereavement, no pressure, relaxed.”
“This is an amazing service that I have really benefited from.”
Become a Stepping Stones volunteer
Our team of over 30 Stepping Stones volunteers deliver our services across east Kent. With a wealth of skills and experience, they come from all backgrounds – professional and non-professional, as well as people who’ve been through their own grief journey and now want to help others.
Pilgrims provide full training and ongoing support. For more information about becoming a Stepping Stones volunteer, or to express your interest, please email [email protected].
To find out more about Stepping Stones bereavement support in your area, or to register with our service, please contact us:
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
26th November 2025
Paul and Linda’s story of love and life through grief
Linda and Paul met for the first time at a Stepping Stones group, following the loss of their respective partners, Reg and Lydia.
Linda had already been attending for a few months when Paul joined. During the monthly meetings, they gravitated to one another, sitting together and sharing their grief experiences.
Linda: We called Paul ‘the gobby one’. He was always the one to start us off at the groups, because everyone else was too shy to speak first.
Paul: When we were asked how the last month had been, I always answered the same: “It’s been crap.” Because that was the truth, there’s no use not saying it how it is. For a long time, that’s how it was. I was in a real state when I started those groups, but it started getting better.
When it came Linda’s time to leave the group sessions, she offered to be that friend on the end of the phone for anyone that needed it.
Linda: I knew how long the weeks between the groups had felt for me, so I told the volunteer running our group to offer my phone number to anyone who needed someone to talk to in between. In the end, there was three of us – Paul, myself and another lady. We would call each other, and then gradually started meeting up for coffees and walks.
Eventually, Linda and Paul began to find comfort in their shared experiences. They started as ‘grief buddies’, talking on the phone, meeting up for a coffee occasionally, and this turned into friendship.
Linda: We spoke for hours on the phone to each other, almost every day. We would send each other music, quotes, book and TV recommendations, and all the things we found that meant something to us in our grief, and we would share that with each other.
We found our lifestyle choices were so similar, our interests aligned, and, of course, we shared our experience of grief. In the end, we’re just ordinary people. We’re not cruisers, we don’t gallivant around on holidays – a homemade shepherd’s pie at the local cafe, and we’re happy for a day! It sounds boring, but it just works for us. To spend our later years together, and just enjoy being in each other’s company.
Paul:That’s what I had missed the most after Lydia died. Having someone to bounce things off, to spend your evenings with, to hold hands. I could keep myself busy for a day – sometimes I’d just go out and ride the bus all day, just to get out of the house. But it’s the evenings when you feel most alone.
Over the following year, their friendship turned into something deeper.
Paul: We fell in love! Although it took Linda a while to pick up on my subliminal messages.
Linda:Paul would send me YouTube links to such beautiful love songs, but I didn’t pick up on what he was really trying to say to start with. But when I did, we both knew it was right for us.
Paul:We’re so lucky that we came together at a time when we were both ready, and both on the same page.
They both took things slowly to start with, whilst their families navigated their own grief, but it soon became obvious that Linda and Paul were good for each other.
Linda:My daughter would say, “Mum’s laughing and joking, and wearing dresses. What’s happened?” They could see a change in me, and see how happy Paul made me, which helped them accept that my life was moving on.
Paul: Our families get on together so well. I have two children, and two grandchildren, and Linda has four children and eight grandchildren, so it was a worry for us both when we started our relationship. But we get on so well, we’ve spent Christmases with each other, and been invited to each other’s family events.
Everyone we speak to – friends, family, other Stepping Stones members – they are all so happy for us, and pleased to hear we’ve found each other. At my last Stepping Stones group, I told everyone that it would be my last session because I’d found someone, and that someone was Linda; the whole group cheered and clapped. There was so much love and support in the room.
The coming together of their lives culminated in a special moment on Linda’s birthday in 2024, when Paul proposed.
Linda: I did say yes! Now we’re just taking our time – going at a pace that suits us and our families.
Paul: When you’re in the deep depths of grief, you don’t think there’s anything afterwards, or anything to look forward to, but there is. We’re proof of that. We’re so happy, we spend our lives laughing and joking with each other, and it’s because of the hospice.
Linda: We’ve learnt to live with our grief, and we often talk about Lydia and Reg. It doesn’t go away, but you learn to manage it and weave your life around the grief.
A short while after Linda and Paul stopped attending Stepping Stones groups together, they were invited by Simone, Stepping Stones Coordinator, to come back in and train as volunteers themselves to run a new peer-led bereavement support group called Stepping Forward.
Linda: Paul is very empathetic, kind and gentle, and that was noticed by the volunteers running the Stepping Stones groups when we were attending. He would always keep an eye on everyone in the group, and go to the people who seemed to be struggling, or who looked like they needed someone to talk to. The Stepping Stones volunteers, and Simone, recognised that at the time, so when they invited Paul to come in, and me too, we jumped at the chance.
Paul:It’s really strengthened our relationship, being able to volunteer together. We spend all our time together – except when we’re at work during the day – so to come here and do this together as well really works for us. We’ve been running the fortnightly groups since February, and we love it.
Linda spoke about how supported they both feel to run the groups, which reflects the continual support the hospice has given them both throughout their journeys.
Linda: We’ve been on courses to prepare us for running the fortnightly Stepping Forward group – we’re really supported by the hospice to facilitate these groups, and help the people attending understand their grief. We’ve been supported all the way through, from our own grief experiences, and now to giving back and helping people who are going through the same things.
Paul:The hospice helped us immensely when we needed them. We often wonder where we’d be if not for Pilgrims. Now, it’s a spiritual home for both of us. When you walk in those doors, you feel their arms wrap around. It’s a lovely place, full of hope.
Linda:When we come to the hospice, we’re happy. It’s not about death here, it’s about living. And it’s so nice to give back to the hospice, for everything it’s given us. It really is part of our family, part of us. It grows with us, we grow with it. We’ve developed as human beings, and as a couple, only because of the support and care and kindness we’ve experienced at the hospice.
They both love coming back to the hospice, to give some of the support they experienced to those now going through the same things.
Paul: Every fortnight, we look forward to the group session, wanting to know who will be there, and excited to be there alongside them as they explore their grief and share with each other in such a compassionate environment.
Linda: The group is so welcoming to new members, so compassionate to one another, it’s a pleasure to see how they support one another and form their own friendships and support networks. There’s a lot of positivity in the group. As volunteers, we aren’t there to share our grief, but to facilitate their conversations, and give them the space to share their experiences. We do share that we are together, and met through Stepping Stones, to give that little beacon of hope that there is life beyond the grief.
Paul: Stepping Stones is the only reason we’ve met, we owe it all to the hospice, and we want to give back in whatever way we can. We’re so lucky that we get to come here, and help others like us, and we just want to do more.
Linda: This place saved our lives, people don’t realise how valuable it is. There’s so much peripheral support that the hospice gives to people, and everyone should know what’s available and how they can help.
For a glimpse of where it all began, and to see what a difference time has made for Linda, you can read her Always Caring story, including an (anonymous) cameo from Paul, as her fellow Stepping Stones attendee, summing up what the sessions mean to him.
For more information about bereavement support available or to access any of our services, please call us on01233 504 127or email [email protected].
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices care for thousands of people across east Kent, with services provided from its three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury, and Thanet, as well as in patients’ own homes. It costs over £17.2 million annually to run these services, much of which comes from the generous support of the local community.
18th September 2025
Kiren Vyas: From pharmacy to Pilgrims’ Walk and Talk Volunteer
For Kiren Vyas, caring for people is more than a profession – it’s a life philosophy rooted in lived experience, cultural values, and deep empathy.
With a career in pharmacy spanning over 30 years, Kiren has always focused on improving quality of life through medicine and people-centred care.
Today, he shares that same compassion as a volunteer for Pilgrims Hospices’ Stepping Stones Bereavement Supportprogramme, co-facilitating Walk and Talk groups across east Kent.
Kiren ran Brighton Marathon 2024 for Pilgrims
Born in Uganda to Indian parents, Kiren and his family were forced to flee the country during the 1972 expulsion of Asians under Idi Amin’s regime:
“My mum was visiting the UK at the time, and my dad called to say we weren’t going back. We had nothing – no home, no money – and had to start again.”
After a few years in London, the family settled in South Wales, running a corner shop in the Rhondda Valley:
“We experienced racism and hardship, but those early struggles shaped me. They taught me the importance of resilience, kindness, and community.”
These values were nurtured further by Kiren’s Hindu upbringing and close-knit family:
“My father and Mum always stressed the importance of treating others with dignity and supporting one another – something I still carry and instil in my own family today.”
After studying pharmacy at Bradford and earning a PhD in Cardiff, Kiren developed a broad and accomplished career in the pharmaceutical industry, in drug product development and commercial manufacture in various therapeutic areas, including HIV, cardiology, respiratory and oncology. In 2019, he was selected for GSK’s prestigious PULSE programme, spending six months with Save the Children, which included supporting activities in Kenya:
“It was a turning point – returning to East Africa reminded me of where I came from and why people-focused work is so important.”
Kiren at Brighton Marathon 2024
In 2020, Kiren’s father died in hospice care, an experience that stayed with him:
“The staff at St Christopher’s supported Dad and our whole family with such dignity and care. It was unforgettable and inspired me to give something back to the community and volunteer.”
Kiren has been living in Canterbury since 1998 and is currently working as a pharmaceutical consultant. He gives his time to Pilgrims’ Stepping Stones Walk and Talk group:
“We walk, we talk, we listen. Whether we’re discussing running, fishing, computing or knitting, or understanding the grief, the friendships formed between individuals are real and lasting. We support each other.”
Also a passionate fundraiser, Kiren completed the Brighton Marathon for Pilgrims in 2024 and is training for the Manchester Marathon in 2026:
“Volunteering gives me purpose. I’ve always believed that when we take care of others, we find connection – and meaning – for ourselves, too.”
For more information about bereavement support available or to access any of our services, please call us on 01233 504 127 or email [email protected].
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
8th December 2024
Kevin and Dympna’s story: “There has to be hope”
Kevin Carlton and Dympna Goldsack from Canterbury first met at a Pilgrims Hospices bereavement support group. Their spouses, Gill and Colin, each received Pilgrims care and died within days of each other in December 2018.
Their story shows that life continues after bereavement and throughout grief, and how hospice care supports loved ones into the future.
Kevin’s wife, Gill, received Pilgrims care and died at home, aged 62. They met as teenagers in 1972, were married for 42 years, and had three daughters: Emma, Jennifer and Laura.
Dympna’s husband, Colin Goldsack, died at the Canterbury hospice, aged 70.
Gill and Kevin
Kevin and Dympna met after being invited by Pilgrims to attend a bereavement support group. Both were reluctant to attend, but encouraged by family, they decided to give it a try. After completing the sessions, they kept in touch so that they could continue to support each other. Some months later, Kevin invited Dympna to lunch as a friend.
Dympna added: “Initially, I was hesitant and turned Kevin down. It felt too early to be socialising with another man. But I thought about it some more and changed my mind, and we started meeting for lunch once a week.”
They began spending more time together, and when COVID hit, Kevin’s daughters suggested that they form a support bubble to avoid isolation. This meant that, although living separately, they could continue to see each other as if they were members of the same household. After navigating the pandemic, there was no looking back, and they continue to live happily together.
Colin and Dympna
Kevin also plays Pilgrims Hospices Lottery and the couple support Pilgrims through various events, including Sunflower Memories, where they each dedicate special sunflower markers to Gill and Colin. They praise Pilgrims highly for the care they received throughout their hospice and bereavement journeys.
Kevin said: “I thought a hospice was where you go to die, but it’s so much more than that. Pilgrims were as much interested in me as they were in Gill. I remember one hospice doctor who made a special trip to see Gill at home during their already busy day. That extra level of care is very special.
“When the time came, Gill was able to die at home with our family beside her. I held her hand, told her I love her, she smiled at me and took her last breath. Pilgrims were with us every step of the way, ensuring that everything was our decision.”
Dympna said: “Colin was frightened of the hospice when it was first mentioned, but Pilgrims doctors put his mind at rest about the end of life, and that made it much easier to have acceptance. The care was marvelous, just brilliant. Pilgrims is always in your corner.”
The couple added: “We have Pilgrims to thank for us getting together. You can’t see it at first, but there has to be hope; that’s why we started going to the counselling groups. Now we have a future. It will be lovely if our story can help others who are worried it’s going to be the end of world – you come pretty close, but there is hope.”
Sophie Van Walwyk, Head of Bereavement Services at Pilgrims, said:
“As National Grief Awareness Week draws to a close, I want to extend my heartfelt gratitude to everyone who participated in our events and engaged with the resources we shared. This week has been a powerful reminder of the importance of understanding, supporting, and normalising the grief experience within our community.
“From our insightful introduction to healthy grief to the inspiring stories shared by those who have benefited from our Stepping Stones bereavement services, we have explored the many facets of grief together. We’ve highlighted the vital role our volunteers play in supporting others and showcased community initiatives, like the Wooden Box Cafe, that foster connection and healing right at the heart of our communities.
“The interviews with individuals who have navigated their own grief journeys remind us that while loss is deeply personal, we are never truly alone. The bonds formed through shared experiences can bring light to even the darkest of times.
“I encourage everyone to take what they’ve learned this week into their own lives and communities. Whether through our grief awareness training programs, or simply by offering a compassionate listening ear to someone in need, each of us can make a difference.
“Thank you for joining us on this journey. Let us continue to support one another, advocate for awareness, and ensure that grief is understood and normalised. Together, we can build a compassionate community where healing is possible.”
National Grief Awareness Week takes place in December each year. It raises awareness of the impact of grief and loss on a national platform. To find out more, visit thegoodgrieftrust.org/ngaw.
Pilgrims Hospices is a charity dedicated to providing expert care and support to patients with life-limiting illnesses in east Kent. Our services ensure comfort, dignity, and quality of life for patients and their families, offering compassionate care both in hospice settings and in the community.
5th December 2024
Matt finds solace in Pilgrims Hospices bereavement support services
After Matt’s wife, Emily, received Pilgrims Hospices care, he was offered counselling to help him process his experiences.
Matt initially attended the Bereavement Café at the Thanet hospice, an informal support group facilitated by trained volunteers. It provides an opportunity to meet and talk with other bereaved people in a relaxed and welcoming safe space over coffee and a biscuit.
Matt said: “I was anxious at first, but I quickly felt welcome at the Bereavement Café. We were split into small groups with a volunteer, which I found really helpful, as I felt a bit uncertain about sharing my experiences within the larger overall group. The volunteers are great, it’s a relaxed, friendly atmosphere, and it’s nice to have tea and biscuits, too.
Westcliff, Ramsgate walking group
“I haven’t been to the Bereavement Café in a while, but I’m planning to go to the next one. With Emily’s birthday and our wedding anniversary coming up, my grief is heightened, and I’m aware that I might need more support.”
Westcliff, Ramsgate walking route
Whilst at the Bereavement Café, Matt read about the Walk & Talk groups in a Stepping Stones brochure. He now attends the Pegwell Bay and Westcliff, Ramsgate walking groups.
Matt continued: “It’s great that they’re so local to me, as it makes it easier to fit in around work commitments. You don’t need to walk every week – sometimes, I cope better if I’m not thinking about Emily – so it’s useful to be able to dip in and out.
“I love being in nature and amongst the wildlife; the walks are relaxing and give you other things to talk about besides your grief. There is no pressure for time, you just go at your own pace. There’s also a cafe where we sometimes stop for a drink, which is really nice.
“I have reasonable support from family and friends, but they’re also dealing with their own grief, so I don’t want to bring them down all the time. That’s why the Bereavement Café and Walk & Talk groups are so helpful, because they allow you to vocalise your feelings, in a safe space, with others who are experiencing similar emotions.”
National Grief Awareness Week takes place 2-8 December 2024. It raises awareness of the impact of grief and loss on a national platform. To find out more, visit thegoodgrieftrust.org/ngaw.
Pilgrims Hospices is a charity dedicated to providing expert care and support to patients with life-limiting illnesses in east Kent. Our services ensure comfort, dignity, and quality of life for patients and their families, offering compassionate care both in hospice settings and in the community.
