“I always imagined hospices were marvellous places, but until I experienced it myself, I didn’t know just how exceptional everything and everyone would be.”
My Dad was a true Londoner – bold, big-hearted and full of life. His voice could fill a room, and so could his warmth. He was so generous with his time and embodied the spirit of community in every way, proudly inheriting the family picture-frame making business ‘Mann & Sons.’ In his later years, he moved to Kent and found real comfort in the slower pace of life and bracing sea air.
After Dad had his stroke, it was heart-breaking to see someone who had always been so strong and independent suddenly become so vulnerable. As his final days were drawing closer, he told me that he wanted to die at home, but this wasn’t possible since he needed too much attention.
In the end, however, I feel very grateful that he ended up in the care of the Thanet hospice. It was the best thing that could’ve happened and from the moment we came through the door, I knew we were in fantastic hands.
The small things will always stay with me: the hand-knitted quilts on each bed, to the radio that appeared in his room after I mentioned his love of listening to it. These thoughtful touches, to me, show the true meaning of care – acts of decency, kindness and generosity given for nothing in return.
Sarah and her dad
There are many touching moments I recall in those difficult days, but the one that sticks in my mind most is sharing Dad’s final sunset with him. He’d asked for this specifically and even though the nurses were busy, at shift’s end, they made the time to attach rollers to his bed and wheel him outside. I sat with him, holding his hand, and we watched the sky turn red. I could see what this meant to him.
Twelve hours later, he lapsed into unconsciousness – I had slept in a chair by his bed until that moment and the nurses brought me a blanket for the night. I carried on sleeping there until the moment he died, and afterwards helped the nurses and volunteers bathe him and dress him in clean pyjamas. Their compassion and respect was astonishing, and after they’d taken him away, they handed me an envelope addressed ‘Sarah’ containing a hand-knitted heart and a poem. I still have them both.
My Dad has been gone close to three years now, but I feel his spirit in everything I do. He passed at 80 and when people say he had a good life – and he really did – it doesn’t lessen the loss. Keeping his memory alive is so important to me, and seeing his name on the Memory Tree really touches me. I wanted to support Pilgrims yearly, and it’s such a wonderful way to do so, on a beautiful installation where his memory is kept alive.
I will never be able to repay Pilgrims Hospices for everything they did – they care for the people sitting around the bed as much as the person lying in it. Leaving a gift to Pilgrims in my Will is my way of saying one final thank you, in memory of my Dad and with deep gratitude for all they did for both of us.
If you’re inspired by Sarah’s story and would like to support Pilgrims Hospices, there are many ways you can:
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices care for thousands of people across east Kent, with services provided from its three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury, and Thanet, as well as in patients’ own homes. It costs over £17.2 million annually to run these services, much of which comes from the generous support of the local community.
5th March 2025
Susan Murray and family fundraise in memory of her siblings who were supported and cared for by Pilgrims Hospices
As the youngest of five siblings, Susan Murray always had someone looking out for her growing up. Whether Angela, her protective eldest sister, or Celia, the gregarious middle child, she was raised in a very close household that shaped the person she became.
Susan told us: “Our world was torn apart when ill health knocked at our door, initially with my brother and then my two darling sisters.”
Susan’s family received support from Pilgrims Hospices, first in the form of outreach services in Margate, which provided her sister Angela with “creative opportunities as well as the chance to meet other people in similar circumstances”. In March 2023, Susan’s sister Celia spent her final weeks in the care of Pilgrims Hospices, she said that “the support and care she received was superb and quite an eye opener for us.”
Susan with her family
To say thank you, Susan’s family dedicated a leaf on our Pilgrims Hospices Memory Tree – not only to honour and celebrate their loved ones, but also to support other families in need of our care, now and in the future.
As well as this, Susan and her family undertook the Pilgrims Way Challenge in 2023 and 2024, raising over an incredible £4,000:
“We decided to do the challenge for two main reasons; firstly, to give something back to the hospice for the amazing work that takes place there, and secondly, as an opportunity for our extended family to come together to remember and reflect on those we have lost, and to be thankful for those we still have around us.”
They have also organised local quiz nights, raffles, and tombolas to raise even more money for Pilgrims Hospices. Their efforts have truly demonstrated that there are countless ways to fundraise, whether through events like the Pilgrims Way Challenge, or in memory tributes such as dedicating a leaf on our Memory Tree. Every effort helps to provide vital care and support for patients and their families in need of our care.
“Thank you, the work the staff do is hard and it is done with respect, giving dignity to the patients and their families.” says Susan. “We are also extremely grateful to everyone who has supported us through these tough times and sponsored us, we have been overwhelmed by their generosity. Our family will be eternally grateful.”
If you’d like to dedicate a leaf on one of our Memory Trees in memory of a loved one, visit pilgrimshospices.org/memorytree.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices care for thousands of people across east Kent, with services provided from its three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury, and Thanet, as well as in patients’ own homes. It costs over £17.2 million annually to run these services, much of which comes from the generous support of the local community.
8th April 2024
Memory Trees: Raquel’s story
Raquel shares why her silver leaf for her husband, Ray, on the Memory Tree at Pilgrims Hospices is so important to her.
Meeting my future-husband, Raymond Charsley, was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. A chance meeting at our local London badminton club in 1987 lead to 30 happy years together. His name on the silver leaf at Thanet is proof for me that the wonderful life we had wasn’t all a dream.
On a group trip to watch a Christmas pantomime we got talking and found we had a lot in common. We worked very close by to each other, and I realised how fortunate it was that we met. We spent many happy years together, until sadly, Ray was diagnosed with cancer. We were put in touch with Pilgrims, who supported us through his last months.
When I see his leaf, it reminds me he is still with me, and there is somewhere he will always be. I’m so thankful for everything that Pilgrims does for those at the end of life. Ray was looked after so well, and me too, and I’m so pleased to be able to help others have the same care we did.
Raquel
We had lots of support from the hospice, including talks helping us get through all the practicalities, which made everything so much easier to understand and manage. He spent his last week in the hospice, and although he was ill, he was still very much himself.
I was so thankful that we were benefitting from the contributions others had made, so when Ray’s time came, I knew I wanted to do something to help. It’s only a small thing, having my leaf on the Tree for these past several years, but it’s the least I can do in return for the care we both received. If I can contribute so someone else can get the support we both valued so much, I know Ray would be pleased.
The leaves are a symbol of love, lives lived, rather than simply lives lost.
Cat Darkins, Lead Spiritual Care Chaplain
Cat Darkins
Memory Trees are a special place to honour your loved one at the heart of our three hospices in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford.
In return for a kind donation, we offer three different leaves – copper, silver and gold – as well as special platinum doves.
A silver leaf would pay for 12 hours of specialist nursing care in one of our inpatient units, over the course of a year.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity supports patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
