Tony and Sharon renew wedding vows with the help of Pilgrims Hospices
Tony and Sharon Reed from Ashford were married for 23 years; they had wanted to renew their wedding vows for a long time, but as Sharon says: “Life gets in the way, so we kept putting it on hold.”
When Tony became unwell with cancer and was referred to Pilgrims Hospices in November 2022, he wanted to prioritise the vow renewal to make special, lasting memories with Sharon and their wider family. Thanks to a team effort by Pilgrims’ staff and volunteers, Tony and Sharon’s wishes were fulfilled; they renewed their vows at the Ashford hospice on 16 November 2022.
Sharon first mentioned the vow renewal to Les Rood, a Reception Volunteer, who passed the message to Cat Darkins, Spiritual Care Lead, to get the ball rolling.
Cat said: “’It is a privilege to be able to facilitate important life events at the hospice. We aim to keep what is important to the patient at the centre of what we do. We want to be able to help people make special memories and live life as well as possible for as long as possible. Tony and Sharon had been considering a vow renewal for some time, so for the whole of the hospice to help make it happen made it even more special.”
Sharon and Tony with Rodney the PAT dog
Cat officiated the ceremony, which was attended by the couple’s family and friends, with Tony’s sister and brother-in-law joining via video link from France. The hospice chapel was decorated by volunteers as a surprise for Tony and Sharon, and the catering team provided sandwiches and light refreshments. Volunteer Ginny Taylor arranged flower donations from a local Tesco store. Rodney the PAT dogmade a very special guest appearance, and was a great support to Tony as he was saying his vows.
Sharon said: “We were so excited; we chose our outfits and our bouquets were made by friends. Another friend, Hayley, took photos for us. Tony loved having Rodney there; he was patting away and didn’t stop smiling all day. It was amazing, really beautiful.”
Hannah Sanders, Ward Sister, worked closely with Tony and Sharon and played a vital role in helping to organise their special day. She said: “Providing this opportunity to both Tony and Sharon to renew their vows was a privilege; I saw the love they had for each other and wanted to pull out all the stops to make their wish come true. All the staff were brilliant, and I feel very proud to be a part of such a caring and supportive team.”
Tony had his own room at the hospice complete with a Cuddle Bed, an extra wide and adaptable hospital bed that enables patients to lie next to their loved one. This allowed Sharon to stay over and be close to Tony. They also enjoyed visits from family and friends, including their daughter, Chloe, and grandson, Ethan.
Tony and Sharon in the Cuddle Bed alongside Sarah Martins, Senior Ward Sister, Hannah Sanders, Ward Sister and Cat Darkins, Spiritual Care Lead
Sharon continued: “After the ceremony, so many people came to Tony’s room for a chat, to ask how we were and see the photos. All the hospice staff and volunteers are amazing, they’re like one big family.”
Tony added: “The whole day made me really, really happy. Other patients and their families saw our ceremony going on and it brought them so much joy, too.
“Everyone at Pilgrims is wonderful. They’re so helpful and just want to do what’s best for you; they listen to your wants and needs and give amazing care. I would tell anyone being offered hospice care to jump at the chance.”
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
7th December 2022
Tips for managing fatigue at Christmas
Here at Pilgrims Hospices, we know that fatigue is a difficult symptom for so many of our patients. It can be increasingly challenging for carers at Christmas too, when there are extra demands on your time.
The Occupational Therapy team offer a few tips to help you make the most of the season, and manage your energy levels.
Tips for family get-togethers
Try to limit excessive travel; where possible, meet locally
Consider meeting friends at a restaurant or other gathering place so you don’t have the added strain of hosting
If you’re doing the entertaining, ask for set-up and clean-up help
Try to take a nap before any gathering that will go into the evening hours
Don’t plan events back to back; try to think of your energy levels like a battery, give yourself days off and time to recharge
Give yourself plenty of time to get ready
If you’re spending time at someone else’s house, ask in advance if you could have a nap in the afternoon; if this isn’t possible, try to take 10 minutes out where you can complete a quick mindfulness exercise to recharge your batteries. You might like to follow some of these on our Virtual Therapy Centre YouTube channel.
Tips for meal prep
Spread the responsibilities around the family or group; have people volunteer to make a specific dish so that the host isn’t saddled with the entire meal
Prepare some dishes ahead of time, if possible
Use tools to save you time and effort e.g. mixers, a microwave, and the slow cooker
Keep a stool or extra chair in the kitchen so you can take breaks during cooking time; a higher stool can be pulled up directly to the stovetop for stirring pots, or to the sink to wash dishes
Perform prep tasks seated at table, if possible
A rotisserie chicken can be substituted for making a full turkey
Consider using pre-prepared veg and potatoes
Remember the 5 Ps
Prioritise What is most important to you; what’s going to bring you joy? What can be left or given to someone else?
Plan Think about all the tasks you need to do and plan how to spread them out, with rests built in. Be guided by your daily pattern of fatigue; if you have more energy in the morning, try to plan more tiring tasks then. Gather and organise all items before an activity (e.g. dressing), then take a short rest before you begin. Avoid activity for one hour after meals.
Pace Take regular breaks; if you stop to rest before you are exhausted, you’ll be able to continue or restart the activity and carry on for longer. Maintain a steady pace and don’t rush.
PostureSit instead of standing e.g. whilst showering, dressing, washing up. Consider small aids/equipment for use during daily tasks e.g. a perching stool, shower stool, long-handled aids like “helping hands” (grabbers). Consider using a mobility aid, such as a Zimmer frame or three-wheeled walker (ask a physiotherapist for advice).
Permission Give yourself permission to ask others for help; if you get support with routine tasks, you might have more energy for enjoyable activities.
Most importantly, give yourself permission to relax and enjoy yourself, and remember that Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect – good enough is good enough!
If you’re living with a life-limiting illness and would like advice and support with your fatigue, please ask your healthcare provider to refer you to Pilgrims’ Occupational Therapy team; click here to find out more.
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
18th November 2022
The invaluable support of Trusts and Foundations
Pilgrims Hospices receive £2.4 million annually from the NHS, yet to provide its services to the local community costs £15 million a year, or £40,000 a day.
To bridge our funding gap, Pilgrims applies to a variety of Trusts and Foundations to fund specific services as well as new projects.
Trusts and Foundations is a term for a wide and diverse set of charitable bodies. Their motivations and ways of operating are as distinctive as the individuals and organisations they represent. Trust and Foundations fundraising refers to the process of asking or applying for support from these charitable bodies that are empowered to make grants for charitable purposes.
Our Trusts and Grant funders have enabled us to purchase a wide range of specialist medical equipment and helped to deliver vital building and refurbishment works. Additionally, funding for core running costs helps Pilgrims to continue delivering its services free of charge for the east Kent community. Pilgrims receive grants of varying sizes, and each and every one makes an incredible difference to its patients and hospice settings.
Pilgrims’ domestic team with the floor scrubber, which was purchased thanks to a generous donation by the Cantiacorum Foundation
Isabel Smith, Trusts Fundraiser, said: “At Pilgrims Hospices, we are fortunate enough to have received support from a number of Trusts and Foundations. Last year, we received in excess of £185,000 in various grants to support our vital care across the three hospice sites. Each grant is important and makes a significant difference to the patients who we care for. As a charity, we are extremely grateful for every grant that we receive.”
Kate White, Head of Nursing, added: “People think that hospices are sad places, but really they are places to help our patients live fully and well in the time that they have. Ongoing improvements to our facilities and equipment enable families, carers and patients to have a brighter and more inspiring setting for their care. A hospice isn’t a place to be fearful of – it is a place that removes fears. Every day we want to continue in the spirit of delivering innovative end-of-life care, by updating our facilities.”
Here are just a few recent examples of the generous support that Trusts provide:
The Albert Hunt Trust donated a very generous £50,000 to contribute towards Pilgrims’ essential core running costs; this continued support is so valuable to the charity.
Cantiacorum Foundation made a generous donation to allow Pilgrims to purchase a new floor scrubber and dryer machine. This helps ensure floor cleaning is always at an exceptionally high standard and surfaces are left clean and dry immediately, to ensure minimal disruption is caused to hospice users.
The Provincial Grand Lodges of Mark Master Masons of Kent supported Pilgrims with an incredible £16,000 donation from their Mark Benevolent Fund, to be used towards core running costs. Pilgrims is very grateful to them for their continued support throughout east Kent.
At Pilgrims Hospice Ashford, the Frank Brake Charitable Trust kindly funded the Therapy Centre downstairs reception and garden pergola. Pilgrims is proud of its long association with the Trust and is extremely indebted to them for their continued support.
Pilgrims Hospices is thankful to all of the Trusts and Foundations who have or continue to support the charity; it simply couldn’t provide its expert, end-of-life care without them.
There are many items of equipment that are always needed.
We are continually working on an equipment replacement program for the benefit of our patients and to enhance our clinical settings. These aren’t always funded by Trusts; sometimes they are funded by generous members of our community, too.
If you, your family, group or business would like to support, please get in touch by emailing [email protected].
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
2nd November 2022
Maddie: “Pilgrims is a beautiful place where illness can be forgotten”
Maddie from Ashford was diagnosed with a terminal illness in July 2021.
She attends Time to Create, a weekly art therapy group at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford, which is helping her to live well and make the most of each moment.
Coming to Pilgrims for the first time
Maddie’s dad received Pilgrims’ care, so the family already had first-hand experience of the local hospice charity and its wellbeing services. He also enjoyed Time to Create sessions at the hospice.
Maddie said: “It was great for him; it got him out of the house, he made friends, and he loved the food! We’re still in touch with one of his friends’ wives, which is really nice.”
Before her diagnosis, Maddie was always active; she rode horses and was a keen baker. She said: “I was in two minds about being referred to Pilgrims; I hadn’t been to the hospice since Dad died. But having seen the care that he received, I decided to give it a go. As well as coming to the groups, I’m monitored by Pilgrims and they check my medications. Marion, one of the counsellors, pops in to see me, and Gary the maintenance engineer says hello, too – he was here when Dad was in the hospice. So there is continuity, and I feel supported in several ways.”
The activities give me the opportunity to do what I used to, albeit in a different way. I’ve had to learn to be a bit more relaxed, but I’m getting there. I can’t paint or draw or colour, that’s why my own little projects work well for me.
Maddie
Melissa Friend
Although Maddie can’t use her hands anymore, Melissa Friend, Wellbeing Practitioner helps her to take part in all the creative activities on offer. These have included candle making and building terrariums, indoor gardening containers that hold plants.
Maddie continued: “I’ve made friends and I love coming together with everyone. You can chat, participate or not, just whatever you feel – there’s no pressure. The activities give me the opportunity to do what I used to, albeit in a different way. I’ve had to learn to be a bit more relaxed, but I’m getting there. I can’t paint or draw or colour, that’s why my own little projects work well for me. Mel helps me a lot; we almost work in tandem – she is, in effect, my hands. That makes me really happy, and I look forward to coming here each week.
“Pilgrims is a beautiful place where illness can be forgotten. You can forget everything for a short time; it doesn’t change anything, but you can forget and share experiences with others. We all benefit in our own individual way.”
Maddie’s legacy
Through attending Time to Create sessions, Maddie has begun producing artwork for friends and family. She feels that it has brought her closer to her sister and her wider circle of friends.
She said: “Now people know I come to the group, they ask me to make them things; they want something to remember me by. Let’s face it, I have a terminal illness – but Time to Create gives me the chance to build a legacy for my loved ones to have when I’m gone.”
Maddie loves sunflowers and they are a running theme in her artwork: “They’re like my trademark!” she says. She has recently made a sunflower picture for her sister, and a framed teddy bear for a friend’s son, which includes a small sunflower decoration. Pink buttons also feature in Maddie’s artwork. She explained: “Pink was Mum’s favourite colour, so the buttons represent her and the sunflowers are me. I know that means a lot to my sister.
“Taking photos of my work also makes me feel connected to my friends and family, because I can show them and they benefit from that, and I think that’s really important.”
To find out more about the Wellbeing services offered at Pilgrims, visit:
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
27th October 2022
Let the music play on: Neil creates lasting legacy with the Blackbird Project
In 2019, Pilgrims Hospices launched the Blackbird Project, enabling patients to record messages for their loved ones to keep forever on special blackbird-shaped USB sticks. The project was started by Sheena and Nick Jackaman, whose son Ben received Pilgrims’ care.
When Neil Wright from Deal was referred to Pilgrims after being diagnosed with cancer, the charity helped him to make a recording for his wife, Pamela. Here, she shares why the Blackbird Project is so special.
Neil
When my father died suddenly in 1984, I longed to hear the sound of his voice again. We had a reel-to-reel tape recorder from childhood that Dad would use to sing and talk to us. Unfortunately, the tapes were old and fragile, so they became twisted and ravelled up when they played, and I was very disappointed to find they wouldn’t work.
Sadly, my late husband, Neil, was diagnosed with cancer in September 2019. I cared for him at home, and when he was unable to stand and walk, we had a bed downstairs so he could look out on his garden, which he loved. We liked watching the blackbird that visited there.
We became aware of the Blackbird Project when Neil was referred to and supported by Pilgrims Hospices, and saw the brochure they had designed and produced. During this time, in April 2021, Sara Hennessy, an occupational therapist at the Thanet hospice, came to our house and helped Neil to record a message for me that I could listen to in the future. I think this is an excellent service, giving terminally ill patients the opportunity and assistance to leave a personal message for their loved ones on a blackbird-shaped USB stick.
Neil was a talented musician and he contributed greatly to the community, giving his time freely to support the arts, theatre events and festivals in Kent, particularly in his hometown of Deal. Neil knew the Jackaman family, having taught Ben and Anna, his sister, during his career, and was sad to hear that Ben passed away aged 34 from cancer at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury.
I have listened to my dear husband Neil’s Blackbird recording and it is wonderful to hear his voice. It brings me great comfort and is a treasured possession.
Pamela
As Neil’s illness progressed, we talked about Ben’s legacy and decided that when the time came, donations kindly given in remembrance of Neil should go to the Blackbird Project as it is such a wonderful idea.
On 11 August 2021, Neil was admitted to the Thanet hospice for pain relief, where he stayed for three weeks. All the staff were very compassionate and caring; they provided a welcoming and comfortable environment for us to be together during such a difficult time. Neil returned home with a care plan for support in the community.
His passion for music stayed with him throughout this time, until sadly he passed away at home on 12 October 2021.
I have listened to my dear husband Neil’s Blackbird recording and it is wonderful to hear his voice. It brings me great comfort and is a treasured possession. I’m sure many other patients and their loved ones who Pilgrims care for will continue to benefit as much as I have from this project in the future.
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
10th October 2022
Therapy dogs make a welcome return to Pilgrims Hospices
Pets As Therapy (PAT) dogs are a vital part of Pilgrims Hospices’ wellbeing programme. Specially trained to remain calm and gentle when interacting with people, they make perfect visitors for patients and loved ones who are spending time in the hospices.
In September 2022, PAT dogs made a welcome return to Pilgrims after a two-year hiatus, having been unable to visit during the COVID-19 pandemic. Patients, staff and volunteers alike are truly grateful to have them back.
PAT animals provide companionship to thousands of people in settings across the UK, including hospices, hospitals, care homes, schools and prisons. They help to reduce anxiety and offer a pleasant distraction from the things that may be happening around them.
Rodney
Martyn Ponting from Sellindge brings his black labrador, Rodney (7), to the Ashford hospice. Rodney’s soothing presence is much-appreciated by everyone they’ve met since they started volunteering in 2017.
Martyn came across PAT animals when he worked in the pharmaceutical industry and regularly visited hospitals. He said: “I decided that when I retired, I wanted to get involved. We love coming to the hospice; Rodney puts smiles on everyone’s faces, even when they’re really poorly. Most patients want to see him, and the staff love him, too. He cheers everyone up.
“He’s just a normal dog at home, but at the hospice he senses the mood and immediately calms down. On our first day back since COVID, we visited a patient who was very near the end of life. We didn’t stay with her for long, but afterwards a nurse told me it was the first time they’d seen that patient smile. Rodney is also great for visitors, helping to break the ice and providing a different focal point at an otherwise difficult time.”
Rodney is such a well-loved and vital part of the Pilgrims’ team that he even has his photo up next to the consultants on the staff board.
Martyn added: “He has a gift for it, but he’s often a little tired afterwards because he takes on peoples’ moods – but perhaps in doing that, he lifts a small weight from their shoulders, so it’s all worthwhile. And he soon bounces back!”
Aston
Linda Wolek-Went and her husband, Mike Went, from Seasalter visit the Canterbury hospice with their Tibetan Spaniel, Aston (4).
Linda first volunteered for 15 months with their dog Bobby, who has now sadly died. After COVID dashed their round-the-world adventure plans, they returned to east Kent and decided to take on more rescue dogs. Aston and his brother, Martin (2), were rescued from Hungary, and Martin is currently in training to join the PAT dog team.
Linda was a volunteer receptionist at the Canterbury hospice for many years, and a schoolfriend of hers was cared for by Pilgrims, so she has seen first-hand what a difference the charity makes.
She said: “The comfort PAT dogs give to people is so uplifting and worthwhile. It’s a big commitment, but we’re retired and it’s a lovely way to spend our time.
“When Aston and I arrive at the hospice, we say hello to staff, volunteers and visitors in reception; they get as much enjoyment from it as the patients. Then, we go on the ward. All the patients love seeing Aston; even if they’re not feeling well, they still enjoy spending time with him.”
Wendy Kelk, Hospice Services Manager, said: “The team were filled with excitement, and some relief, when I announced the PAT dogs were returning to sites after COVID put their visits on hold.
“When the dogs are on site, the whole mood lifts; patients, visitors, volunteers and staff are smiling and requesting to see the dogs. They are very much a vital part of our team. Thank you so much to the dedicated owners for their time, hard work and willingness to return.”
We are delighted to welcome Rodney, Aston and their owners back to Pilgrims. We’re in the process of recruiting a PAT dog for our Thanet hospice, so that patients and visitors on all three sites can enjoy the same therapeutic benefits that PAT dogs bring.
To find out more about the Wellbeing services offered at Pilgrims, visit:
Hospice Care Week is an annual event where we recognise and celebrate Hospice UK and hospice care nationwide. It’s an opportunity to show the world the value of support, of care and of what matters to us as individuals at the end of life when we need it most.
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
