Craig’s story: “It was the little things that stood out”
Craig Hammer from Folkestone had a very personal experience of Pilgrims Hospices when his dad, Otto Hammer, spent time in local hospice care during 2015-2016; both at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford and in the community. Here, Craig shares how Pilgrims supported Otto, and his family, to live well – and how getting creative has been an important part of his grieving process, one that he believes can help others.
Craig and Otto
There’s lots I could say about my dad, he was just wonderful – a funny, kind, gentle and wonderful human being. He was of German descent but lived in Guston, Dover until he was 15 and then Folkestone for the rest of his life. He was a carpenter, married to my mum for 48 years and had four children (I’m his youngest). I loved him very much and I’ve spent a long time trying to process and understand his death.
My experience of Pilgrims care
Dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer in April 2011. Over the course of the following 18 months he had several operations and in September 2013 was given the all clear. But in 2014 the cancer returned; by the end of that year Dad had started accessing Pilgrims Hospices services. He would go to the hospice for complementary therapies like massage, which helped with pain relief and was a great form of relaxation for him. As his primary carer, my mum, Barbara, also benefited from this. Dad’s condition deteriorated quite quickly throughout 2015, so the therapies offered to both of them by Pilgrims provided respite for her, too. As my dad became quite reluctant to socialise, it was one of the few things they were able to enjoy together.
There were so many things I appreciated about Pilgrims care, but what surprised me most was that it wasn’t at all clinical; this was a great comfort for Dad and our whole family.
Craig
Dad also went to Pilgrims outreach centre in Folkestone and was visited at home by a doctor. In 2015 he had his first stay at Pilgrims to manage pain. He was a regular visitor to Pilgrims Hospice Ashford in the last year of his life, going in for short spells and then returning home, until passing away at the hospice on 1 February 2016, aged 67.
“It was the little things that stood out”
There were so many things I appreciated about Pilgrims care, but what surprised me most was that it wasn’t at all clinical; this was a great comfort for Dad and our whole family. It was the little things that stood out, like Dad being offered and enjoying an evening drink. At Christmas he watched the carol singing from his room and sent me a video of it, and he also used the chapel occasionally (although more often his own church came to be with him; they would fill up the family room and pray and sing together). Dad also talked about the food at Pilgrims, which he enjoyed very much. Again, it’s such a simple thing but being offered good, tasty food was something he really valued.
The level of empathy we received as a family was outstanding. The hospice nurses knew us all; it was clear that although they were primarily there for Dad, they also supported us when we were visiting him.
Craig
Although it seems silly to acknowledge, the level of empathy we received as a family was outstanding. Dad had a big family with four children and 10 grandchildren, plus his extended family from church, who wanted to be with him as often as possible. The hospice nurses knew us all; it was clear that although they were primarily there for Dad, they also supported us when we were visiting him. Being able to stay with him was huge; Mum rarely left his side, and she was always welcomed and made comfortable. Some nights when I couldn’t sleep I’d go to see Dad after midnight; a nurse would always recognise me and let me in, and in the last few weeks of his life my sisters and I stayed at the hospice every night. We kept out of the way as best we could, but in reality the nurses and doctors had to work around us 24/7 and they did that brilliantly.
Otto with his granddaughter at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford
After Dad died we raised around £3,000 for Pilgrims by asking people to make a donation in lieu of flowers. A year later, I hosted a quiz in Folkestone that raised more than £1,000. Both were done to help our family through the grieving process; it’s lovely knowing that our fundraising will support other local families who are experiencing Pilgrims care.
How music has helped
During Dad’s illness music became a very personal way for me to deal with what was happening. I’ve enjoyed writing music my whole life; it just happens and I recognise that I’m lucky to have it in my DNA. The music I wrote changed tone in the last few months of Dad’s life, and then immediately after his death I was writing so much that I had armfuls of songs born out of that same feeling. All had him at the core – they were about him, our relationship or my feelings at the time.
Even though music had always been important to me I’d never actually recorded my own music, so this became my goal. Completing that process was hugely cathartic for me and enabled me to process my grief.
Craig
Even though music had always been important to me I’d never actually recorded my own music, so this became my goal. On the first anniversary of his death I was deliberately in the studio recording, and eventually an album was finished. It’s been released on iTunes and Spotify and naturally Dad is on the artwork. Completing that process was hugely cathartic for me and enabled me to process my grief. My band and I experienced both sad and funny moments – we talked about Dad and everyone wanted to do this for him and for me.
What I found hardest about Dad’s death was that my children would never know him – so in doing this I’ve ensured that, through me, they will have access to him. When they listen to the record or watch the video 20 years from now they will know just how important he was to me.
Craig
The video we made is important because I now document everything in my life; I have done since my first daughter was born. What I found hardest about Dad’s death was that my children would never know him – so in doing this I’ve ensured that, through me, they will have access to him. When they listen to the record or watch the video 20 years from now they will know just how important he was to me. This helps me to balance the fact that whilst they won’t know him personally, there is a way for him to exist for them; as long as someone will listen or watch, his memory will live on.
Craig and his band will play at ColeFest in Paddlesworth, near Folkestone, on Saturday 28 July 2018. This year’s festival will raise vital funds for Pilgrims Hospices; tickets can be purchased online now.
Share your carer story on social media by using the hashtags #PilgrimsLife and #CarersWeek and tagging us on Facebook and Twitter.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services as a patient or a carer, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.
Carers Week is an annual campaign to raise awareness of caring, highlight the challenges carers face and recognise the contribution they make to families and communities throughout the UK. This Carers Week (11-17 June) the focus is on building communities that support the health and wellbeing of carers. The impact of caring on health and wellbeing should not be underestimated; this year’s campaign will share examples of how carers can stay Healthy and Connected.
13th June 2018
Sunflower Memories: Michelle’s story
After Michelle Goodman’s dad, John Hopkinson, was cared for at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury in 2014, she decided to dedicate a sunflower in his memory as part of our Sunflower Memories campaign. Here, Michelle shares how this helps her give back for the care that John received.
My dad, John Hopkinson, was a wonderful, friendly man, always ready to help; he was so well-liked and a real gentleman, helping others with their gardens. He was a loving husband to my late Mum and father to me. In his spare time he loved being with his grandson, Jack, and making all sorts of wooden creations.
When it was suggested that my dad go into Pilgrims to get his medication under control, the word ‘hospice’ really scared me. I was completely surprised to find such friendly nurses and a lovely sunny ward for my dad at the Canterbury hospice. Dad was given the utmost care during his stay.
Michelle
When it was suggested that my dad go into Pilgrims to get his medication under control, the word ‘hospice’ really scared me. I was completely surprised to find such friendly nurses and a lovely sunny ward for my dad at the Canterbury hospice. Dad was given the utmost care during his stay, and both myself and Dad were made to feel so welcome. The staff offered me tea and snacks while he was sleeping. On good days, the nurses wrapped him up and I was able to take him around the beautiful hospice grounds in a wheelchair; nothing was ever too much trouble.
When my lovely dad passed away, Pilgrims Hospices were there once again to provide me with ongoing support. I cannot thank them and their nurses enough; it takes a special person to become a nurse but a very special one to be a hospice nurse.
Michelle
When my lovely dad passed away, Pilgrims Hospices were there once again to provide me with ongoing support. I cannot thank them and their nurses enough; it takes a special person to become a nurse but a very special one to be a hospice nurse. I will forever be in their debt for the support and care they gave my dad, and I know if Dad was here he would say the same.
John’s sunflower in the gardens at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury
Supporting Sunflower Memories each year allows me to give something back to the hospice for the wonderful care they gave my dad. It brings me comfort to think that other people will receive the same amazing care because of our donations, and that’s why I’ll be dedicating a sunflower to my dad again this year.
Sunflower Memories events will take place at our hospices in July 2018:
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.
Memory Trees: Doreen’s story
After Doreen Ovenden’s dad, Charlie Broadley, was cared for at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury in 2016, the family decided to dedicate a leaf in Charlie’s memory to place on our Memory Tree at the hospice. Here, Doreen shares how this helps the family to feel comforted knowing that Charlie is remembered by all who see his leaf.
Dad loved a joke and to play a prank; he used to tell stories about all the mischief that he and his brother, Bert, and friends would get up to as young men. Born into a farming family, Dad joined the Home Guard in WWII and had lots of tales to tell! He adored his family; he had five children, seven grandchildren and four great-grandchildren, and we thank him for being our wonderful Dad, Granddad and Great-Granddad.
We will be eternally grateful for the end of life care that our dad received from the staff at Pilgrims; it was absolutely faultless and he was cared for by the staff as if he were their own loved one.
Doreen
Anyone who has ever suffered the loss of a loved one will understand how painful it is to watch them slip away. However, we will be eternally grateful for the end of life care that our dad received from the staff at Pilgrims; it was absolutely faultless and he was cared for by the staff as if he were their own loved one. The compassion and care shown to us as his family was equally amazing, and we will never be able to thank Pilgrims Hospices enough.
Charlie’s leaf on the Memory Tree at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury
To repay Pilgrims in a small way and to remember our lovely dad, we decided to dedicate a silver leaf on the Memory Tree at the Canterbury hospice. It’s the perfect way to have Charlie Broadley remembered; every time someone looks at the tree and reads dad’s leaf, he is remembered. Through us continuing to keep Dad’s leaf on the Memory Tree each year, our donation helps to support Pilgrims. My siblings and I, and our mum, all contribute to Dad’s leaf, which we intend to keep on the Memory Tree forever.
Thank you to Pilgrims Hospice from each and every member of Charlie’s family.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.
Hundreds take on Pilgrims Way Challenge for local hospice care
Wye Village Hall was particularly busy early on Saturday morning with the sound of almost 400 happy walkers gathered to undertake Pilgrims Hospices latest event, the Pilgrims Way Challenge.
Walkers enjoyed a 25km or 50km hike through ancient woodland, rolling fields and picturesque villages along the Pilgrims Way to the historic city of Canterbury; the finish line for 25km participants and mid-point for the 50km hikers, who headed onward to a coastal finish beneath Dover Castle. The event is set to raise more than £40,000; this figure will help Pilgrims cover more than 2,000 hours of nursing care at the hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet and within peoples’ homes.
Novice and seasoned walkers alike joined the sponsored event along with many regular Pilgrims supporters, who all got to enjoy exploring one of England’s oldest and least-trodden national trails.
Walking in memory
Many people chose to walk the Pilgrims Way Challenge in memory of a loved one, in appreciation of the care they experienced from Pilgrims.
Terri George from Tenterden walked with friends in a team – Anne’s Angels – in memory of her mum, Anne George, who received care at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford in 2016. The Pilgrims Way Challenge was a fitting event for the team as it took place on the second anniversary of Anne’s death. Terri said: “Pilgrims gave Mum amazing care; she felt so safe at the hospice.”
Pilgrims gave Michael such excellent care; the staff were fantastic. We’re walking so that others can have that same experience.
David Yeo
Jemma van der Byl and daughter, Millie van der Byl Williams, from Faversham, walked in memory of Jemma’s dad, Peter van der Byl, who was cared for at the Thanet hospice. Jemma said: “Pilgrims cared for our whole family; they were amazing.”
Maria Marchant and daughter Jemma, from Margate, walked in memory of Maria’s grandma, Anne Hayes. Maria said: “Pilgrims is the friendliest place to say goodbye.”
Denise and David Yeo from Dover walked 25km in memory of their friend, Michael Harrison, who was cared for at Pilgrims Hospice Thanet. David said: “Pilgrims gave Michael such excellent care; the staff were fantastic. We’re walking so that others can have that same experience.”
Graham and Sally Smerden
Maria and Jemma Marchant
Terri George and team Anne's Angels
Denise and David Yeo
Jemma van der Byl and Millie van der Byl Williams
Graham and Sally Smerden walked in memory of Graham’s mum, Peggy Smerden, who was cared for at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury in 2002. Graham said: “The Pilgrims staff were amazing; the hospice was such a peaceful place for Mum.”
“It was humbling to see how far people go”
In true Pilgrims style walkers were supported throughout the journey with rest stops offering sweeties and water; a more leisurely break at St Mary’s Church, Chilham for rolls, snacks and a well-deserved seat in the churchyard and then on to Chartham Hatch for delicious cakes, strawberries and tea. The 25-kilometre walkers finished at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury where medals were presented and hot meals distributed to refuel after the long walk. The 50-kilometre walkers continued the journey onward to Dover.
Kevin and Karen Thompson from Ashford took on the 25km route after having such positive experiences at several previous Pilgrims events, and the Pilgrims Way Challenge proved just as enjoyable. Kevin said: “I’ve rode Pilgrims Hospices Cycle Challenge a few times. We like challenges and this one is a bit different, and it’s nice to support the local hospice. Pilgrims events are always so well organised and run so we keep an eye on what events are coming up.”
Kevin and Karen Thompson
The Mayor of Ashford, Jessamy Blanford, set the walkers on their way with words of encouragement and the Lord Mayor of Canterbury, Colin Spooner, was at the Canterbury hospice to congratulate those crossing the finish line.
We like challenges and this one is a bit different, and it’s nice to support the local hospice. Pilgrims events are always so well organised and run.
Kevin Thompson
Robert Grew, Pilgrims Events Fundraiser said: “It was such a great day. We had hundreds of walkers of all abilities taking on the challenge and I’m in awe of every single one of them for what they’ve achieved. It was humbling to see how far people go to support the care we provide for families, and what it meant to them when they finally reached the finish line after such a gruelling challenge. Collectively, they walked over 12,500km. Their grit and determination was amazing.
“I’d like to say a huge thank you to the army of Pilgrims volunteers who gave their time and energy to support our walkers, whether it was with marshalling the route, preparing refreshments or encouraging people along the way, we couldn’t have done it without you.”
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.
11th June 2018
Fun and friendship: Why Anne and Reg Pritchard love to volunteer
Volunteers’ Week is over for another year but all the hard work and fun will go on. Thank you to all of you who made it such a success! There’s been a lot of interest in our new volunteering positions, so if you’re thinking about getting involved but are still not sure, read on to find out why you should…
Anne and Reg Pritchard have been married for more than 40 years after meeting in Ursuline College, Westgate-on-Sea. The couple have always volunteered and through Pilgrims they’ve found plenty of fun and friendship.
Anne explains: “Before Pilgrims we’d volunteered with other charities and then, back in the early 1990s, we got involved with fundraising events to support the building of the Thanet hospice. We met John Rayment [former Pilgrims director] whose passion, enthusiasm and determination to get Thanet Hospice up and running was so infectious that we wanted to help as well. That was the start of our Pilgrims Hospice volunteering journey.”
Anne joined the hospice when it opened in 1992 as a cook supervisor and Reg, a carpenter by trade, continued working at Ursuline College. Then in 1999, illness changed their outlook on life. Reg retired not long after and threw himself into volunteering with Pilgrims. Today, Anne is a Volunteer Coordinator and Reg takes on a wide range of different roles.
“The satisfaction and pride we both get from helping at the hospice is hard to put into words. I think the event we will never forget is the 2016 Colour Run – a hospice first. What an event, seeing all those people coming towards us willing you to cover them with paint. It was awesome and unforgettable!”
The Pritchards’ passion for fundraising events has never waned; most recently Reg has set himself a challenge to find an outfit for a Night to Shine to “add a sense of fun”.
“We take pleasure in helping at events with the knowledge of all the hard work that has been put in to set the event up,” explains Anne.
As well as putting the fun into fundraising and volunteering, the Pritchards have also experienced Pilgrims’ care first-hand – Anne’s mum was cared for at Thanet hospice.
Anne continues: “Like all our patients, mum was treated with dignity and respect and second-to-none care. The hospice becomes your extended family with all the support we received for the whole family.
“We have made many friends through volunteering. There are so many new roles undertaken by volunteers now. The changing role of the volunteers has helped the very foundations of the service we provide today to evolve. We look to the future with enthusiasm and anticipation.”
Karen Kenward, Pilgrims’ Community Fundraising Manager, comments: “Anne and Reg really are an asset to Pilgrims Hospices; nothing is never too much trouble for them, they help out at many events, from helping to prepare 1200 rolls for the Cycle Ride to supporting our Colour Runs.
“They bring fun and laughter all the way. We are so very lucky to have their support, I really do not know where they get all the energy from. I am very proud to have them part of Team Thanet.”
Feeling inspired? Visit our Volunteers’ page to find out more and don’t forget to check out the latest volunteering opportunities. We’re now celebrating National Carers Week 2018 (11-17 June)! We recognise that carers play an essential role in each patient’s journey, and we believe they should be supported throughout. Join with us here and on social media to recognise all the incredible things carers do and discover how they are an important part of #PilgrimsLife.
6th June 2018
Pilgrims Green Champions join the national war on plastic campaign
During April and May 2018, the Green Champions team at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford started a litter picking campaign as part of the national war on plastic waste.
The Green Champions are Pilgrims staff members who strive to create and strengthen health, wellbeing and sustainability in the working environment. They’re formed from members of the care, administration and catering teams, amongst others; all wishing to take better care of the environment and reduce Pilgrims’ environmental impact.
The group started in May 2017 and has been inspiring colleagues by setting examples, leading and sharing ideas and thoughts on how best to work and manage green initiatives in the workplace.
We will continue to share our ideas with colleagues and encourage even more of them to get involved.
Wendy Kelk, Hospice Services Manager at Ashford
The Green Champions went out in pairs for 15-minute periods over three weeks to clean up a concentrated area around the Ashford hospice. The efforts were maximised on the verges outside the hospice grounds on the busy main road.
The first week they collected a significant amount of rubbish, which included plastic bottles, coffee cups and discarded lunch items like sandwich wrappers. The second week it was much improved; the team only collected a small amount of rubbish. By the third week the rubbish had increased from week two, but not as much as week one. However, this time the rubbish was mainly cling film and wrappers. All rubbish collected has been recycled.
Wendy Kelk, Pilgrims Hospices Services Manager for the Ashford hospice, said: “It’s great to have such a motivated group really helping Pilgrims to consider green issues. We’ve had a number of initiatives around the hospice that have encouraged staff and visitors to think about the environment and to be greener.
“We will continue to share our ideas with colleagues and encourage even more of them to get involved.”
The Green Champions are now going to go out monthly and will continue with the war on plastic litter picking campaign at Ashford.
The team now have a clearer picture of the rubbish trends and share the following information:
The first week there were traffic lights outside the hospice and it appears people were throwing their rubbish out of cars.
The third week was mainly cling film due an event that took place on the Pilgrims site. The feedback was shared with the events team who will in turn make extra efforts to encourage participants to dispose of rubbish correctly at future events.
The Green Champions are keen to spread the good news and let the public know that Pilgrims shares concerns around the control of plastic. They encourage all Pilgrims staff to lead by example.
Each year Pilgrims supports hundreds of local people coping with a life limiting illness and their families. The charity offers a range of services: from end of life care given on its wards, to its Wellbeing and Social Programme supporting people after they are diagnosed to live well and stay independent.
