The Death Cafe movement was set up in 2011 by Jon Underwoodfrom his home in East London. Jon believed that a Death Café could be a safe and informal space for people to come together and talk about death over coffee and cake. This idea took off and has since spread around the world; perhaps its popularity is due to how often we avoid talking about death as part of our daily lives.
At our Death Cafes, the Education team serves coffee, tea and cake, and after a short introduction, everyone listens to each other talk – there is no set agenda or format.
Pilgrims Education team have hosted Death Cafes around east Kent, with the most popular location being the Ann Robertson Centre, a Pilgrims-run meeting and training centre situated next-door to Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury.
It was fascinating. I loved the mix of people, all ages and backgrounds and careers.
Karen Bartholomew, who attended her first Death Cafe at Pilgrims in 2017
The first Pilgrims Death Cafe was part of Dying Matters Awareness Week in 2017, a campaign to help enable people to talk openly and honestly about death.
Chance for an ‘open discussion’
Pilgrims’ Education team explained: “It’s important for Pilgrims to be centred in the local community, not just providing care and support to patients and their families. We want to engage with all local people to openly encourage discussion on topics like death.
“When the first posters went up and there was a mixed reaction. Some people found the name ‘Death Cafe’ too morbid or too shocking, others thought that it was a brilliant idea; either way, it seemed that this kind of discussion was very much needed in our community.
“We were just asking people to turn up and talk together over coffee and cake. The only thing we were unsure of was whether anyone would actually want to come; now we often find ourselves with a room full of people all animatedly chatting, laughing and expressing themselves. We receive outstandingly positive feedback, everyone is keen to come back. ”
Conversation, coffee and cake
Local playwright Karen Bartholomew, writer of God’s Waiting Room – a beautiful, moving and very funny play about death and loss within a family – shared her experience of attending her first Death Cafe. She said, “It was fascinating. I loved the mix of people, all ages and backgrounds and careers. I was most interested in older people talking so frankly about their concerns of dying alone. Death did not worry them but being alone did. As a woman in her forties and with my family still around me at this point in my life, I have not questioned that so closely and it made me realise how some older people might be feeling.
Death is a part of our lives; I think it’s time we talked about it.
Karen
“I felt enlivened, actually. The premise of a Death Café is a hard sell; I know this from the title of my play. Yet still, Death Cafés are whatever you want them to be. I found I learnt more about people, respect, humanity and community in one short morning than I have in any other environment, other than perhaps a theatre. It’s as much or as little as you want to share or listen to. In a world of social media the way we communicate is changing, so I found this a healthy return to people just talking. Loved it!
“Death is a part of our lives; I think it’s time we talked about it more.”
We host Time to Talk community events throughout the year for the general public, aiming to open up the conversation about death and dying; with film screenings, poetry readings and Death Cafes and much more, there’s something for everyone.
Chief executive Jonathan Neame was among the fundraising group that walked and ran 52.4 miles, the equivalent to two marathons, from Whiteshill in Gloucestershire to Broadway Tower in Worcestershire.
The challenge is particularly demanding as Broadway Tower is the Cotswold’s highest castle, and the route involved more than 2,500m of ascent.
Other members of Team Extreme, which has been running for nine years and sees Shepherd Neame staff tackle tough endurance challenges for charity, included Head of Property Services Martin Godden, Export Controller Olly Scott, Business Development Manager Dougie Dick, National Account Manager Lee Whitehead, Commercial Estate Manager John Barnes and Development Surveyor Nick Farrant.
More than 500 competitors took part, and Olly and John finished the route in less than 11 hours 30 minutes, placing them both in the top 70. Jonathan, Martin, and Lee all finished in under 17 hours, while Dougie finished in just over 19 hours.
They raised almost £4,000, and Martin and Olly presented a cheque for £3,381 to Pilgrims Hospices on Wednesday 4 July. The remainder of the money went to Prostate Cancer UK.
During the past nine years Team Extreme has raised over £50,000 for charity, and we would like to thank everyone who has supported us.
Olly Scott, Shepherd Neame Export Controller
Martin said: “It’s the second year that we have completed the Race to the Tower, and although it is physically tough, it is a fantastic experience. It’s a great team-building activity, from the training beforehand to the actual event, and we have been delighted by the amount of money we raised for two fantastic causes.”
Olly added: “During the past nine years Team Extreme has raised over £50,000 for charity, and we would like to thank everyone who has supported us.
“The challenge was brutally hot and the course was hilly, it took all of our physical and mental strength to complete.
“We are now starting to plan a very special challenge to mark our 10th anniversary next year, so watch this space!”
Pilgrims Hospices Community Fundraising Manager Leila Ilkhan said: “Pilgrims would like to thank Shepherd Neame’s Team Extreme for their generous donation. The money raised will help us to provide care for patients and their families who need our help the most. Each year we care for around 2,500 people across east Kent, and this fundraising will make a huge difference to the care of so many.”
If you or someone you know is coping with a life-limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims support, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about the options or Wellbeing and Social Programme for more information.
18th July 2018
With the summer comes Pilgrims Vintage Tea and Fair
Once again, Tower House at Westgate Gardens, Canterbury will be transformed into a venue for the annual Pilgrims Hospices Vintage Tea and Fair on Saturday 21 July between 12pm – 4pm.
After the roaring success of last year’s event, Pilgrims would like supporters and friends to join them again for a cream tea with homemade cakes, luxury vintage craft stalls and more. The much-loved traditional tea party raises valuable funds, which provide care for people within the community who are terminally ill and need Pilgrims support.
Last year the event raised almost £5,500, helping to provide nursing care, equipment and care within the community and in peoples’ homes. Your support again at this year’s event will help the Pilgrims Hospices charity to continue this good work.
Leila Ilkhan, Community Fundraising Manager at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury, said: “Last year saw 100’s of visitors enjoying our traditional vintage summer fair. This year, our staff and volunteers will dress in 30s 40s and 50s styles and we welcome any visitors to do the same if they wish.
We have many new attractions, including jazz singers and musicians, dancers, funfair games, face painting and a wonderful new children’s story corner to name a few.
Leila Ilkhan, Community Fundraising Manager at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury
“We have many new attractions, including jazz singers and musicians, dancers, funfair games, face painting and a wonderful new children’s story corner to name a few. Our regular array of traditional jams and chutneys, plant stall and luxury craft stalls, along with some fabulous raffle prizes, will also be there.
“We are really excited to be welcome Stuart Weller, a close-up magician, to our special day. Stuart will entertain, enthrall and baffle our visitors with his tricks.”
Stuart said: “I support the Pilgrims Hospices charity because of the free care they offer to people who suffer illnesses that limit their life, along with the support they give to their families as well. Such a great charity.”
Headline sponsors Regal Estates has kindly supported Pilgrims by sponsoring the event. This means that every £1 from donations, raffle tickets and purchases on the day will go directly to Pilgrims care. Rob Brady, Sales and Lettings Director for Regal Estates, said: “We have supported this fantastic event now for three years running, alongside other Pilgrims events. Our continued support for Pilgrims means a lot to many staff members. We would encourage anyone to pop down, have a cream tea and maybe try winning something on a stall. We also have the main raffle tickets available for sale at our office.”
Our continued support for Pilgrims means a lot to many staff members.
Rob Brady, Sales and Lettings Director, Regal Estates“
Pilgrims retail charity shops team of staff and volunteers will also have a grand selection of beautiful outfits, hats and costume jewellery, plus much more for visitors to purchase on the day.
Leila added, “I’m very fortunate to have such a lovely group of volunteers who help me to prepare the refreshments and stalls for the event. There will be plenty to entertain everyone. I’m really looking forward to the event; thank you to everyone who has volunteered to help make the event so special.”
If you’d like to make a donation for the event or find out more about Vintage Tea and Fair, email [email protected] or call 01227 812 621.
Each year Pilgrims supports hundreds of local people coping with a life-limiting illness and their families. The charity offers a range of services: from the end of life care given on its wards to its Wellbeing and Social Programme supporting people after they are diagnosed to live well and stay independent.
16th July 2018
Volunteers come together to create a wonderful Pilgrims pamper stall
A casual purchase of a bow maker at a craft fair has led Pilgrims Hospices gardening volunteer Shirley Johnston to create some fabulous gifts for a new pamper stall at Pilgrims’ Summer Garden Party on Saturday 4 August 2018.
Joining Shirley’s creations is a whole variety of handmade drawstring bags lovingly sewn by Rosemary Stanbridge and Val Chaffer, a Pilgrims Therapy Centre volunteer, and some wonderful flannel dogs created by Annie Ware, who volunteers in the Fundraising team. Supporters will be able to purchase a wide range of gifts at the Summer Garden Party; from bags to store hairbrushes and other items to a P.E. bag for the new term. Shirley, Rosemary, Val and Annie are just a few of the many volunteers who come together each year to bake, grow, wrap and sort so many of the fabulous items on sale or to be won at the Summer Garden Party.
A huge thank you to everyone who has donated gifts or skills so far this year. Without these volunteers we would struggle to raise the £11 million needed every year in voluntary donations to enable us to offer free care to all who need it.
Victoria Friar, Community Fundraising Manager at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford
Victoria Friar, Community Fundraising Manager for Ashford, said: “I’d like to say a huge thank you to everyone who has donated gifts or skills so far this year. Without these volunteers we would struggle to raise the £11 million needed every year in voluntary donations to enable us to offer free care to all who need it.
“There is still time to donate goods for the Summer Garden Party, whether handmade or bought from a supermarket.”
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.
12th July 2018
Teddy bear’s picnic and afternoon tea on offer at Summer Garden Party
Pilgrims Hospices supporters can enjoy a teddy bear’s picnic and afternoon tea at the Summer Garden Party on Saturday 4 August 2018 in support of local hospice care.
Amongst the many wonderful stalls that Summer Fair visitors have enjoyed for years, at this year’s Summer Garden Party children will be able to adopt a cute cuddly toy from the new Adopt-a-Friend stall and then attend a special teddy bear’s picnic in the Ashford hospice’s wildlife garden. Surprise guests will pop in to visit and children can also take part in a fun treasure hunt.
Adult guests can enjoy an afternoon tea with optional bubbly in our beautiful Ashford hospice grounds.
Our knowledgeable gardeners will be on hand selling their many beautiful plants and cuttings; it’s the perfect opportunity to take a piece of the hospice home with you.
Victoria Friar, Community Fundraising Manager at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford
Victoria Friar, Community Fundraising Manager for Ashford, said: “This year we want everyone to enjoy our delightful hospice gardens, which are so carefully looked after by our amazing team of volunteer gardeners. Our knowledgeable gardeners will be on hand selling some of their many beautiful plants and cuttings; it’s the perfect opportunity to take a little piece of the hospice home with you.
“And of course we will have lots of stalls to browse and enjoy, including our famous book stall, pre-loved treasure, fashion accessories and our many popular games like the tombola.
“Each year Pilgrims needs to raise £11m through voluntary donations to continue providing compassionate care, free of charge, across east Kent, so events like this make a real difference to local people and families who are living with incurable illness. Come and show your support for Pilgrims by having a fun day out with family and friends.”
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.
6th July 2018
Sunflower Memories: Jessica’s story
After Jessica Grillo’s nan, Maureen Mant, was cared for at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford in 2014, the family decided to dedicate a sunflower in her memory as part of our Sunflower Memories campaign. Here, Jessica shares how this helps them give back to Pilgrims and say thank you.
Nan was the glue that held our family together; she was the person we’d all go to for advice. She was our second mum. Nan had so much to look forward to in 2014; her eldest granddaughter was getting married, and I was expecting her first great-grandchild. She longed for these special moments that were coming up.
Nan was so happy in the hospice and was treated with the utmost respect. The staff, nurses and doctors made her time there so much more bearable for all of us, and nothing was ever too much trouble.
Jessica
That same year our lovely nan was diagnosed with cancer. She began visiting Pilgrims Hospice Ashford to access day services, and one of the nurses suggested it might a good idea for her to go into the hospice for respite care. After initial concerns, it was soon clear that this was absolutely the right decision. Nan was so happy in the hospice and was treated with the utmost respect. The staff, nurses and doctors made her time there so much more bearable for all of us, and nothing was ever too much trouble.
Our family support Pilgrims because they supported us through the toughest time of our lives, and we can’t thank you enough. That’s why we’ll be dedicating a sunflower to Nan at Sunflower Memories this year.
Sunflower Memories events will take place at our hospices in July 2018:
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.