Raquel shares why her silver leaf for her husband, Ray, on the Memory Tree at Pilgrims Hospices is so important to her.
Meeting my future-husband, Raymond Charsley, was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. A chance meeting at our local London badminton club in 1987 lead to 30 happy years together. His name on the silver leaf at Thanet is proof for me that the wonderful life we had wasn’t all a dream.
On a group trip to watch a Christmas pantomime we got talking and found we had a lot in common. We worked very close by to each other, and I realised how fortunate it was that we met. We spent many happy years together, until sadly, Ray was diagnosed with cancer. We were put in touch with Pilgrims, who supported us through his last months.
When I see his leaf, it reminds me he is still with me, and there is somewhere he will always be. I’m so thankful for everything that Pilgrims does for those at the end of life. Ray was looked after so well, and me too, and I’m so pleased to be able to help others have the same care we did.
Raquel
We had lots of support from the hospice, including talks helping us get through all the practicalities, which made everything so much easier to understand and manage. He spent his last week in the hospice, and although he was ill, he was still very much himself.
I was so thankful that we were benefitting from the contributions others had made, so when Ray’s time came, I knew I wanted to do something to help. It’s only a small thing, having my leaf on the Tree for these past several years, but it’s the least I can do in return for the care we both received. If I can contribute so someone else can get the support we both valued so much, I know Ray would be pleased.
The leaves are a symbol of love, lives lived, rather than simply lives lost.
Cat Darkins, Lead Spiritual Care Chaplain
Cat Darkins
Memory Trees are a special place to honour your loved one at the heart of our three hospices in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford.
In return for a kind donation, we offer three different leaves – copper, silver and gold – as well as special platinum doves.
A silver leaf would pay for 12 hours of specialist nursing care in one of our inpatient units, over the course of a year.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity supports patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
23rd December 2022
East Kent’s largest remembrance services returned in December 2022
Pilgrims Hospices’ Trees of Love saw thousands come together to remember loved ones in December 2022.
Pilgrims Hospices welcomed over 2,000 local people to their Trees of Love remembrance services, held at venues across east Kent during the first weeks of December 2022.
Each year, Pilgrims host remembrance services with carols in the grounds of their three hospices at Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet, where huge festive trees are lit up in memory of lost loved ones. Adorned with beautiful doves bearing personal messages, many from across east Kent shared their special memories together at these festive events. The hospice also collaborates with other venues in the community, holding services in in Barham, Charing, Cheriton, River and New Romney, allowing more people to attend.
Ellie Cane, Pilgrims Hospices Individual Giving Officer, said: “During the pandemic we were unable to bring everyone together in person, so we were delighted to welcome everyone back to our hospices this year for the return of our remembrance services. Our thanks go to everyone who has donated to the Trees of Love appeal and dedicated a dove in memory of their loved ones. At what can be a difficult time of the year, sharing thoughts with others who have similar experiences keeps our loved ones firmly in our hearts.”
She added: “So far, we have raised over £47,000 for local hospice care from generous donations to the Trees of Love appeal. This is such an amazing amount, which will help us continue to provide our expert care and support on our wards and in people’s own homes. It really will make the difference for our patients and their families when they need us the most.”
Visitors to the hospice services on Saturday 3 December 2022 were welcomed by the charity’s Spiritual Care Leads at Thanet and Ashford, and guest Lead Rev Stefan Thomas at Canterbury, to enjoy readings from staff and volunteers, and sing carols accompanied by local choirs. Refreshments of mince pies, hot chocolate and mulled wine were on offer to keep guests warm on that frosty night.
Of the combined community and hospice effort it takes to host these events every year, Ellie said: “Our thanks must extend also to our local communities and the many volunteers who give their time and skills every year to make the events run smoothly. It really couldn’t be done without them.”
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
30th November 2022
Trees of Love return to Pilgrims Hospices
Pilgrims Hospices’ Trees of Love remembrance services have seen over 1,000 local people join together each year in memory of their loved ones to raise vital funds to support the incredible services that Pilgrims offers.
Trees of Love is an important event for many families who come together with others who may have shared similar experiences, to remember their loved ones. Guests are invited to come along to see their dedicated dove on one of the Trees of Love, listen to festive and remembrance readings and sing carols, whilst enjoying a warm mince pie, hot chocolate or mulled wine.
“Christmas is a special time of year for families and friends to come together, but losing a loved one can make celebrating this time of year very difficult.
“Trees of love is a place for all to come together in remembering their loved ones during the festive season. We are thrilled to be able to invite everyone back to our hospices for our remembrance services, which we have been unable to host due to the restrictions in place during the pandemic.
“We will also be releasing a Trees of Love film again as we understand how important this has become for those who choose to remember at home.”
Trees of Love has been an important fundraiser for the hospice for more than 25 years, helping to care for those living with life-limiting illnesses and support their families after they are gone.
It offers a space for anyone throughout east Kent who has lost someone special to join together, to reflect and remember their loved ones year on year.
Trees of Love events will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet at 5pm on Saturday 3 December 2022.
We also offer indoor services with seating across our east Kent community:
Firmager, St Nicholas Church, New Romney, 1:30pm on Saturday 3 December 2022
St Peter and St Paul Church, River, Dover, 4pm on Sunday 4 December 2022
All Souls Church, Cheriton, Folkestone, 5pm on Sunday 4 December 2022
Barham Crematorium, Barham, 4.30pm on Thursday 15 December 2022
Charing Crematorium, Charing, 4.30pm on Friday 16 December 2022
You can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life-limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
12th July 2022
Sunflower Memories: Christine’s story
Christine Ford’s husband, Richard (Dick), was supported by Pilgrims Hospices at the end of his life, so she now dedicates a sunflower in his memory as part of the charity’s Sunflower Memories campaign.
Here, Christine shares why sunflowers are so special to her.
Richard (Dick)
Well, who doesn’t love a sunflower? The most beautiful, cheerful and amazing of all flowers. From dainty little bush varieties to the gigantic specimens loved by competitive types, we all have a space for a sunflower in our hearts. So, the concept of sunflowers as the symbol of remembrance for Pilgrims was genius.
My husband, Dick, was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer from a pretty-well asymptomatic start, but it was always clear that we were only looking to palliative care. We had three amazing years, which apart from the first few months of chemo, were almost like normal life!
We’d always planned to get a caravan and travel in Europe on retirement. Cancer disrupted our plans, but not entirely. By year three, we just upped and spent most of our time in Spain, as peripheral neuropathy was a bit miserable in our cold damp winters. We drove down in November and flew home every three weeks for chemo. We often chatted and marveled at how much we’d achieved, despite our ages and Dick’s cancer.
But it had to end, of course. Fortunately for us, it was not a long, protracted time. He went downhill quickly and a chat with the pain management team prepared us and helped us plan. In the last two nights, I had him at home with me; the team chatted to me through the wee small hours, pushing my fears back, and helping me not to panic. When they sent the nurse to assess Richard, she crawled up on the bed next to him, held his hand, and made sure he understood what was happening.
From dainty little bush varieties to the gigantic specimens loved by competitive types, we all have a space for a sunflower in our hearts. So, the concept of sunflowers as the symbol of remembrance for Pilgrims was genius.
Christine
When the hospice ambulance collected us and took us off to Canterbury, one of the team looked at the photo of our granddaughters by the bed and said, “Bring them along” – a thought and gesture so deep in understanding that only their long experience could bring. The time in Canterbury was hardly 24 hours; time for Dick’s son to get to him from Brisbane and be there to chat to his dad. We were both there with him, holding his hands, to the end. We couldn’t have done it without the Pilgrims team.
So, there you have it. Sunflowers have been part of our lives – cycling through France, riding trains through Northern Europe, popping up unexpectedly in the garden (thanks to the birds) and featuring in bouquets to celebrate all sorts of occasions. You cannot help but smile at a sunflower. Such bright, enthusiastic and optimistic symbols of life. And now they still bring a smile.
Sunflower Memories events will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 30 July 2022.
If you’d prefer to remember from home, please visit our online Memory Wall where you can post pictures and messages in honour of your loved one as part of our annual summer remembrance.
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
28th June 2022
Sunflower Memories: Deborah’s story
Deborah Appleton’s dad, Wally, and husband, Pete, each received Pilgrims Hospices’ vital end-of-life care, so she now remembers them as part of the charity’s Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love campaigns.
Here, Deborah shares why remembering her loved ones in this way is so important.
Deborah’s dad, Wally
When Dad started to become ill, my sister and I decided we would care for him at home for as long as we were able. It wasn’t an easy task, we did the best we could but he was going downhill rapidly.
We sat and talked with him about going into the hospice as we all knew it was only a matter of time. At first he refused to go, then one evening he took a turn for the worse and asked us to ring the hospice. That was the first encounter I had with the hospice; we didn’t know what to expect, how he would be looked after or anything about how it worked.
We needn’t have worried. The staff at the hospice were absolutely amazing. They explained everything to us in a way we could understand, and each and every one of them treated our dad as though treating one of their own loved ones. The attention, compassion, gentleness and devotion to their patient knew no bounds – not just for Dad, but also for us as a family. They didn’t just care for Dad in a medical way, they were also there with advice and for any help we needed from there on in, reassuring us that they were there for us not just at that time but whenever we felt we needed them. That’s when I realised just how special the people who work at the hospice are.
That’s what they do at the hospice, they give you a shining light when all you see around you is darkness and despair. That is what the sunflowers represent to me personally.
Deborah
So, over the years that have passed the hospice and all of its staff have been a very big and important part of my life. I always love attending the carol service, which was sadly marred by the dreaded COVID outbreak, but the sentiment and feeling was as beautiful as ever. That’s what they do at the hospice, they give you a shining light when all you see around you is darkness and despair.
That is what the sunflowers represent to me personally. There’s a sunflower quote that says, “Our stories and struggles are all different, but we each deserve to bloom, something will grow from the pain and anguish you are going through, and the something… will be you!”
Deborah and Pete
Then last year, the worst news I could ever have expected suddenly took my breath away and ripped my heart and my world to shreds.
My beautiful husband, best friend, constant companion and confidant, soulmate, twin flame and complete love of my life for the past 40 years was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Within three months I had lost the only man I have ever and will ever love. There was barely a day we were not together; we worked together, played together, laughed, cried, you name it, we did it together.
My whole life felt like somewhere I didn’t want to be anymore, but we fought the battle together and with the help of my sons and daughter we gave it everything we had.
We nursed Pete at home at first, but he had a fall and was taken to hospital, where they found he had two broken ribs, so he didn’t come home. We were blessed though because staff from the hospice came and took him with them. He was a different person while he was in there. Cheeky, contented and had 100% faith in all of the staff. They were wonderful with him; if I couldn’t look after him at home, I can think of no place nor people better that I could or would have left him with.
My darling Pete passed a week later. We made a pact when we were first together all those years ago, that whoever went first wouldn’t completely go until it was time for the other. I’m proud and lucky to say, “My Pete did not let me down”. I’m as proud of him as I have ever been, and know that no matter what, one day we will unite as that one spark we have always been.
Sunflower Memories events will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 30 July 2022.
If you’d prefer to remember from home, please visit our online Memory Wall where you can post pictures and messages in honour of your loved one as part of our annual summer remembrance.
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
20th December 2021
Trees of Love raises £1 million for hospice care!
This year, Pilgrims Hospices welcomed over 1,200 people to their Trees of Love remembrance services, held throughout December 2021, at the hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet, and at indoor venues in New Romney, River, Cheriton, Charing and Barham.
Those remembering lost loved ones this Christmas dedicated doves to hang on the trees at each venue, or at home, to be illuminated throughout the festive season. All were then invited to join together to share their memories at the event or service of their choosing, where they enjoyed carol singing and warm mince pies.
This year also marks an incredible achievement for east Kent’s largest remembrance services, as Ellie Cane, Individual Giving Officer, explains:
“This very important remembrance service has been running for more than 20 years, and in that time we are pleased to say that we have just reached the milestone of raising over £1 million for the hospices! We’d like to thank all those who’ve supported this appeal over the years, and also to our incredible volunteers who help us make it happen each and every year.”
Pilgrims partnered once again this year with Firmager Funeral Directors, All Souls Church and School, St Peter and St Paul Church, and the Westerleigh Group to put on these very special events, allowing more people in east Kent who have lost loved ones to attend.
Ellie added: “The response to the appeal has been incredible, and we want to say a huge thank you to everyone that has dedicated a dove so far this year, and on previous years. Your support has meant we can continue to be still here, still caring even during difficult times.”
Pilgrims will continue to take donations for dedicated doves across the festive season. Contact their Supporter Relations Team on 01227 782 062 or visit pilgrimshospices.org/treesoflove to donate and dedicate a dove.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
