Remembering Elspeth: “The hospice became her sanctuary”
Elspeth Ogilvie from Ashford was a bright, creative and joyful young woman.
She enjoyed her job working with babies at a local nursery, having previously been a nanny to twins in London, and had dreams of writing and illustrating children’s books.
In 2023, aged 23, Elspeth was sadly diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour. She underwent surgery and received radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
When her treatment ended in April 2024, she was referred to Pilgrims Hospices for palliative care. Elspeth died at home on 16 December 2024, aged 25.
Elspeth’s parents, Jacky and Mark, share their story, remembering Elspeth and how Pilgrims helped her to make the most of the time she had.
Time to Create groups and Wellbeing events
Elspeth was a talented artist, and she loved music. During her illness, Pilgrims helped Elspeth to continue with creative pursuits. She attended Time to Create, therapeutic art groups held at the hospice Therapy Centre, with her dad.
Although she lost the use of her dominant hand and developed a tremor in her other hand, she was still able to enjoy making art.
Elspeth Ogilvie Artwork 1
Elspeth Ogilvie Artwork 2
Elspeth’s artwork
Jacky: “She was very disparaging about what she created (given she had to use her non-dominant hand, which was affected by a significant tremor due to her medication). However, she looked forward immensely to going; it was definitely the highlight of her week.”
Mark and Jacky with Elspeth’s artwork at the Dead Good Artists exhibition
Time to Create was one of the last things Elspeth left her house for; “she was determined to go”, Mark says.
In 2025, Elspeth’s artwork was featured in Dead Good Artists, an exhibition at The Wooden Box Gallery in Ramsgate, which was a collaborative project with Pilgrims. Relatives and close friends were invited to attend a workshop to talk about the artistic sides of their loved one’s lives; Mark and Jacky took great comfort in this, as it happened just four months after Elspeth’s death, when they were newly bereaved.
Elspeth also loved Living Well sessions at the hospice – the entertainment (especially if music was involved), fun quizzes, food and chats with others. Jacky often accompanied her to help with her care, and Pilgrims provided a wheelchair for Elspeth to get around more easily.
In August 2024, Pilgrims patients enjoyed a dance performance at the Canterbury hospice by Doorstep Duets, a project created by New Adventures and Farnham Maltings as a response to social isolation.
Elspeth attended with her parents; afterwards, they had a picnic lunch prepared by the catering team and took a walk in the gardens.
Care and support
Elspeth was supported by teams across Pilgrims; occupational therapists sourced specialist equipment that enabled her to live independently at home and aid her mobility – including commodes, handrails, a hospital-style bed, a reclining chair and a hoist – and trained Mark and Jacky in how to use it.
A CAMEL inflatable device to help Elspeth off the floor when she fell was invaluable on multiple occasions, as were gadgets to help her get in and out of the car.
Pilgrims also organised carers and district nurses to visit Elspeth at home, and the family were invited to visit the Ashford hospice so that Elspeth would feel comfortable if she needed to stay there.
Jacky: “They were so helpful and kind, always asking what more they could do and how they could empower Elspeth to achieve things that were important to her.
“When I confessed that our cat had been on her inflated mattress at home, whilst Elspeth was staying at the hospice (and I suspected it now wasn’t working, courtesy of little claws!), a replacement arrived swiftly without issue.”
Mark and Elspeth during a trip to Edinburgh in 2024
Mark and Jacky fondly recall Pal, a Wellbeing Practitioner, visiting Elspeth at home when she was unable to leave the house. Pal gave Elspeth a henna decoration on her hand; a little gesture that made a big difference.
Jacky: “Pal stroked her hand and chatted away to her. Elspeth really enjoyed the company of another young person, especially as she knew Pal from her sessions at the hospice. By that point, Elspeth could barely speak, but you could see the pleasure in her eyes.”
When a family friend who was studying photography offered to do a photoshoot with Jacky and Elspeth in the Ashford hospice gardens, Pal was on hand to do Elspeth’s make-up.
Elspeth and Jacky in the Ashford hospice gardens
During the times Elspeth needed extra care, she was able to have a bed at the Ashford hospice; Pilgrims contacted Mark and Jacky daily with updates and to let them know when a place would be available, something they really appreciated.
They were able to visit whenever they wanted, which gave Elspeth great comfort, and food and refreshments were always available.
Jacky:“We could get nutritious inexpensive meals at the hospice; we had no time or energy to shop or cook, so we really appreciated this and it made a big difference.”
Other loved ones were welcomed, too, including Elspeth’s niece, Lola, who enjoyed spending time in the family lounge. With toys, games and books provided for younger family members, it made a difficult time a little easier.
Mark and Jacky were even able to bring the family dog, Rosie, for a visit.
Elspeth Ogilvie Family Photo 2
Elspeth Ogilvie Family Photo 1
Elspeth with her niece, Lola, and her parents and their dog, Rosie
Jacky: “When Elspeth’s world reduced, and particularly when she couldn’t go out for day trips anymore because it was too tiring, the hospice became her sanctuary, it helped her so much.
“She loved having a bath at Pilgrims; the care teams made it such a lovely experience for her, taking their time, washing her hair and helping her feel relaxed.
“She also appreciated the massages she received at Pilgrims, and revelled in those sessions. I was offered these and adored them, too, and felt so calm afterwards.”
As Elspeth’s ability to communicate deteriorated due to the brain tumour and medication, her parents valued the extra time and care Pilgrims’ teams took with her.
Mark: “The staff are so friendly and welcoming; from healthcare assistants, to nurses, to the kitchen team, everyone attuned very quickly to Elspeth’s needs. They understood that firing suggestions at her was counter-productive, so they gave her space to get her message across.”
Jacky: “When I’d eventually figured out what she wanted to eat, I’d pop my head into the kitchen and ask; it never seemed to phase them. It was just so nice, they were so patient.
“Due to her medication, she needed lots of condiments to satisfy her tastebuds, so they made sure she had her own basket, which was regularly topped up.
“We never felt like we were in the way. When I had my airbed beside Elspeth’s hospice bed, the cleaners just worked around us, it was no problem.”
Towards the end of Elspeth’s life, Pilgrims was available by phone 24/7; when anything changed in her condition, her parents could speak to a nurse immediately for advice and support.
Jacky:“This reduced our stress levels immensely, especially during the night and at weekends when our regular GP surgery was unavailable.”
Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love
Mark and Jacky attended Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love for the first time in 2025, during the first year after Elspeth’s death. They enjoyed being in the gardens and seeing some staff they knew.
Mark: “Elspeth adored sunflowers, so when we heard that they were “Pilgrims’ flower”, that made Sunflower Memories extra special for us. She had a pair of Lucy & Yak trousers with a sunflower print, which she loved.
“When she had open cranial surgery in preparation for chemotherapy, she didn’t know how much hair she’d lose, so she bought lots of wooly hats and one of them had sunflowers on.”
Trees of Love was particularly poignant, as it took place close to Elspeth’s first anniversary.
Jacky: “Christmas was Elspeth’s favourite time of year. We didn’t know quite what to expect, but attending a service at the hospice was important to us, as we’d been so often with Elspeth during her illness – for short stays, therapy sessions and wellbeing groups – and we’d spent time in the gardens, too, so being here meant a lot.
“It was beautiful; seeing Elspeth’s dove, the lights and the singing made it very special. Mark didn’t know what I’d written on the dove until he saw it on the day, so that was very sweet. It was lovely coming together with others and having the chance to fundraise for Pilgrims.”
Mark:“It was emotional as it was very close to Elspeth’s first anniversary, but we did well. We had so much help from everybody at the hospice, so it’s our way of giving back.”
Jacky: “Pilgrims offered us support and sanity, and we will forever remember the endless kind faces, caring words and thoughtful gestures. They are incredibly outstanding in all they do.”
Pilgrims run a wide range of wellbeing groups and activities designed to support patients to live well, stay connected and enjoy the best quality of life possible.
For more information on Pilgrims Hospices’ Wellbeing Programme:
Call the Pilgrims Hospices Advice Line on 01233 504 133
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
3rd October 2025
Norman and Christine’s story: “Pilgrims is always there if you need them”
Norman Sole from Walmer experienced Pilgrims Hospices’ care when his wife, Christine, was cared for by the charity.
Inspired by the kindness they were shown by Pilgrims, Norman and his family wanted to give back so that others can benefit from the same compassionate care.
Their story shows how Pilgrims continue to look after families into bereavement, often playing a very special role in their lives as they navigate their grief.
Norman and Christine were married for 57 years and had two children, Mike and Jeannie. Christine worked as a telephonist before marrying Norman. They had a plant nursery until they retired; Christine picked tomatoes in the large greenhouses. She loved gardening, knitting, her pet cats, and line dancing.
Christine Sole With Her Daughter Jeanette 1
Norman And Christine Sole 4
Christine Sole 4
Christine Sole With Son Mike 1
Norman And Christine Sole 5
Norman And Christine Sole 2
Christine Sole 8
Norman And Christine Sole 7
Norman And Christine Sole 1
Christine Sole 3
Later in life, Christine was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer; initially cured by chemotherapy, it sadly returned and became terminal. Whilst in hospital, a doctor asked Christine if she wanted to be referred to the hospice.
Mike and Jeannie said:
“Mum was hospitalised, with the aim being to fit a stent in her throat. She went in expecting to come home. Unfortunately, the procedure didn’t work, so palliative care became the only option. She went downhill very quickly.
“They moved Mum to a private room, and the next day someone from the palliative care team came and asked if she’d like to go into the hospice. We all agreed that this would be for the best.”
Christine
Christine spent five days in the Thanet hospice; she died on 6 August 2023, aged 81.
Norman said:
“A friend had been in the Canterbury hospice several years prior, and I’d visited them there, but that had been my only experience until Christine was referred.
“The hospital was very noisy, people come and go all the time; Christine kept saying, “I wish it was quieter in here.” In hospital, we were always doing things for her because the staff were so busy, they didn’t have time, so we were trying to think about what she wanted.
“Once we went into the hospice, it was instantly calm, a completely different atmosphere. It was like someone had taken the responsibility of care from us, so that we could look after ourselves and be a family. We didn’t expect anything, but the hospice team anticipated our needs, and made us feel part of the wider Pilgrims family.”
Jeannie agreed: “Pilgrims caters incredibly well for families. It was my birthday whilst Mum was in the hospice; she mentioned it to the hospice staff, and they brought me a cake with a candle, and a birthday card! It’s those little things that really make a big difference.
Christine with one of her beloved cats
“I also felt much calmer in the hospice. As a family, we wouldn’t all usually spend a week together like that; it sounds weird, but after Mum died, I missed us having lunch together every day, walking around the gardens, getting a coffee. We never felt like we shouldn’t be there, like we were in the way, or that we should leave if we’d been there all day. I missed that when it was over, it was a very special time.
“It’s one of those things you hope you never have to go through, but it couldn’t have been a better experience.”
Mike added:
“All the staff were lovely. We felt the nursing staff really cared, and that Mum wasn’t just another patient. The focus in the hospice is different; when Mum was in hospital, they were trying to make her better. But once we knew she was at the end of life, and we’d had a few days to adjust, our mindset shifted – it became about keeping Mum comfortable for the time she had left.”
To say thank you for the care they received, Norman and his family now support Pilgrims in many ways, including taking part in annual remembrance events like Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love. Mike also completed the Folkestone Downs Challenge with his daughter, Eleanor, and his wife, Helen, volunteers at the Canterbury hospice with patients who attend wellbeing groups.
Most recently, Norman decided to grow sunflowers in his garden after attending Sunflower Memories. He entered Walmer in Bloom for the first time in 2025, and his sunflowers won first prize in the Best Garden Display category.
Norman with his children, Mike and Jeannie, and his award-winning sunflowersNorman at the Walmer in Bloom award ceremony
Norman received the letter telling him he’d won on 6 August 2025, the two-year anniversary of Christine’s death:
“It made a very sad day a little bit happier. I got into growing sunflowers after we attended the Sunflower Memories event to celebrate Christine’s life, so winning the Walmer in Bloom award was extra special.”
Norman attended an award presentation at Walmer Castle, where he received a certificate, and he donated his prize money to Pilgrims.
Mike added:
“Pilgrims support families even after their loved one has died, which is really positive. It’s so nice that they’ve kept in touch with Dad; he enjoys keeping up to date with hospice news and events. The little things we’re able to do, like supporting the remembrance events in memory of Mum, allows us to give back, so that other people can benefit like we did.”
Norman agreed:
“Pilgrims don’t just fade away, they’re always there if you need them.”
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices care for thousands of people across east Kent, with services provided from its three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury, and Thanet, as well as in patients’ own homes. It costs over £17.2 million annually to run these services, much of which comes from the generous support of the local community.
28th July 2023
Hundreds join together to celebrate treasured memories with sunflowers
Pilgrims Hospices were visited by more than 600 people in their gardens at Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford to find their loved one’s dedicated sunflower memory markers. Despite predictions of a slightly damp weekend ahead, the rain stayed away and there was a lovely atmosphere at each event with the opportunity for friends and family to remember and celebrate their loved ones’ lives.
Visitors were welcomed with tea, cake and strawberries with cream served by Pilgrims volunteers in the charity’s Therapy Centres. These spaces, most often used by the Wellbeing Teams for their Living Well and creative art sessions, hosted beautiful displays of sunflower-themed artworks made by patients and carers.
Members of the Wellbeing Team were present on the day, to speak to visitors about their work, and hear their memories of lost loved ones. Jane, Wellbeing Practitioner at the Thanet Hospice, said: “Families talked about the calm and peaceful feelings they had about being back at the hospice, that it is a safe space for them to talk in, how they felt cared for and that carers too were treated with such dignity both before and after their loved one had died. Some had found it hard to return but then were able to cry, laugh and feel they had made a positive step forward by attending the event. It was a day that was right for both those whose feelings were still incredibly raw, and for those who were returning after 10 years of attending.”
In the lead up to the events, the team at Pilgrims reached out to the local community to help support the event. Ellie Cane, who runs the events at the Hospice, extended her thanks saying:
“Thank you to everyone who kindly donated which helped make the events such a success. To all the keen crafters and knitters who produced beautiful items to sell for donations on the day; Meadow Grange Nursery and our volunteer gardeners who grew over 200 sunflowers plants; and to the Tesco Community Champions and S & A Farms who provided the strawberries for us to serve to our visitors. I’m delighted to say this year’s Sunflower Memories Appealhas so far raised in excess of £36,000, with donations still coming in. This just would not have been possible without the collective effort of our staff, volunteers and our amazing local community.”
There is still time to donate to have a dedicated sunflower memory marker sent to you in memory of your loved one. For more information contact the Pilgrims Hospices Supporter Relations Team on 01227 782062, or at [email protected].
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
