Jenny remembers her husband, Graham, by dedicating a dove in his memory at Pilgrims Hospices annual Trees of Love remembrance campaign.
My husband Graham was a kind and generous man, a nature and animal lover. He was particularly musical; he sang, played piano and performed the clarinet in several orchestras. We met at age 5 while attending the same primary school, but went our separate ways when we progressed to our respective grammar schools. It seems rather fitting, then, that we reunited at a German musical evening hosted by Graham’s school. We would go on to spend a wonderful 55 years together, with our children and grandchildren.
We were introduced to Pilgrims later on in Graham’s illness, around six months before he passed. He often found it difficult to put his thoughts into words, but when presented with the option of more treatment or intervention for his illness, he knew that was not the option for him. While our journey with Pilgrims has been rather short, they have been so very helpful. In times like these, you never quite know who to turn to, but the bereavement support we have been offered has been such a help. When you just want someone to listen, they just let us talk.
I was made aware of Trees of Love through a postal invitation that invited me to dedicate a dove in Graham’s memory. My granddaughter, Charlotte, has recently started art college, which has been such a creative outlet for her. She decorated her grandfather’s dove with a wonderful drawing depicting the owl and pussy cat in a tree, as she discovered he was particularly fond of the poem by Edward Lear. Out of sheer coincidence, my daughter revealed that the week her father had passed, she had found a greetings card depicting the ‘Owl and the Pussy Cat’ scene, too. This has brought our family closer together.
In 2023, I attended the remembrance service at the Thanet hospice. Although I attended alone, it was such a welcoming atmosphere for everyone. I struck up conversation with someone who was by themselves, and it was comforting to share the experience with someone who knew what I was going through.
The service was lovely, and I was happy to have the opportunity to capture a picture of Graham’s dove on the illuminated tree, and take my order of service home to share with my family.
Previously, I had volunteered for another hospice in one of their retail stores, so I had experience in the kind of care that a hospice provides. But having now received that support myself, I can recognise how fantastic they really are. I’m happy to support this wonderful charity in any way that I can.
This December, dedicate a dove to someone special and join us at one of our hospice or satellite remembrance services.
To find out more and to take part in Trees of Love 2024, simply visit pilgrimshospices.org/treesoflove or contact our friendly Supporter Relations team on 01227 782 062 to dedicate a dove today.
Pilgrims Hospices is a charity dedicated to providing expert care and support to patients with life-limiting illnesses in east Kent. Our services ensure comfort, dignity, and quality of life for patients and their families, offering compassionate care both in hospice settings and in the community.
15th July 2024
Help Pilgrims Hospices raise £166,853 for new specialist beds
Pilgrims Hospices needs your support to reach £166,853 for the purchase of new specialist beds. These beds are vital to delivering the highest standard of care and comfort to the patients we look after in our wards.
Will you give our patients a good night’s sleep?
Comfort and care are at the heart of what we do at Pilgrims Hospices. Our journey began with just two beds at the Canterbury hospice in 1982, and today, we offer beds to over 900 people each year across our three hospices. Each ward accommodates 12 beds, and to ensure the best possible care, these beds need replacing every seven years.
Some of our beds are approaching the end of their lifespan. They have served us well, but maintaining them is becoming increasingly costly, and some are nearly beyond repair. With your help, we can provide our patients with the comfort they deserve and continue to care for them safely.
It was wonderful to accept the cheque from Steve and his brothers from the East Kent Freemasons. Thank you so much for supporting Pilgrims Hospices Bed Appeal with your generous donation.
Ellie Cane, Individual Giving Manager
We have already received an incredible response to our appeal and have managed to raise more than £137,719, and counting! This surpasses the deposit needed to place the order. Now, we need your help to reach the target.
A personal appeal
Steve Read, from the East Kent Freemasons:
“For many years, my wife and I have donated to Pilgrims Hospices, having had two close family members who needed their facilities. We received a letter in February asking for help with the Bed Appeal. Each of the three hospices at Ashford, Canterbury, and Thanet needs 12 new beds every seven years at a current cost of £4,212 per bed. With 900 people using these beds annually, they are crucial. The beds have bedside controls for patients, their families, and staff to help find a comfortable position, and they can be lowered to the floor to reduce fall risks and allow nurses to work safely.”
Community support
The Valley of Elham Lodge No.6649 responded to this important appeal by donating £4,212 to purchase one bed. The cheque was presented by Peter Gagger, Rashid Bellini and Steve Read, to the Ashford hospice on April 26 2024.
Ellie Cane, Individual Giving Manager, added: “We’ve recently surpassed the £100,000 mark for the appeal, and we are absolutely thrilled with the responses from the generous public and local organisations. It was wonderful to accept the cheque from Steve and his brothers from the East Kent Freemasons. Thank you so much for supporting Pilgrims Hospices Bed Appeal with your generous donation.”
New beds will make a significant difference. They are fully adjustable, with bedside controls to help find a comfortable position, and can be lowered to reduce fall risks. Paired with specialist floor mats, they can even be made into doubles, allowing precious nights to be spent close together with family members. The side-rails can be lowered or removed, enabling loved ones to cuddle with each other.
Pilgrims Hospices is a charity dedicated to providing expert care and support to patients with life-limiting illnesses in east Kent. Our services ensure comfort, dignity, and quality of life for patients and their families, offering compassionate care both in hospice settings and in the community.
8th April 2024
Memory Trees: Raquel’s story
Raquel shares why her silver leaf for her husband, Ray, on the Memory Tree at Pilgrims Hospices is so important to her.
Meeting my future-husband, Raymond Charsley, was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. A chance meeting at our local London badminton club in 1987 lead to 30 happy years together. His name on the silver leaf at Thanet is proof for me that the wonderful life we had wasn’t all a dream.
On a group trip to watch a Christmas pantomime we got talking and found we had a lot in common. We worked very close by to each other, and I realised how fortunate it was that we met. We spent many happy years together, until sadly, Ray was diagnosed with cancer. We were put in touch with Pilgrims, who supported us through his last months.
When I see his leaf, it reminds me he is still with me, and there is somewhere he will always be. I’m so thankful for everything that Pilgrims does for those at the end of life. Ray was looked after so well, and me too, and I’m so pleased to be able to help others have the same care we did.
Raquel
We had lots of support from the hospice, including talks helping us get through all the practicalities, which made everything so much easier to understand and manage. He spent his last week in the hospice, and although he was ill, he was still very much himself.
I was so thankful that we were benefitting from the contributions others had made, so when Ray’s time came, I knew I wanted to do something to help. It’s only a small thing, having my leaf on the Tree for these past several years, but it’s the least I can do in return for the care we both received. If I can contribute so someone else can get the support we both valued so much, I know Ray would be pleased.
The leaves are a symbol of love, lives lived, rather than simply lives lost.
Cat Darkins, Lead Spiritual Care Chaplain
Cat Darkins
Memory Trees are a special place to honour your loved one at the heart of our three hospices in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford.
In return for a kind donation, we offer three different leaves – copper, silver and gold – as well as special platinum doves.
A silver leaf would pay for 12 hours of specialist nursing care in one of our inpatient units, over the course of a year.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity supports patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
4th April 2023
Always Caring: Daphne’s story
As a member of Pilgrims Hospices Always Caring, Daphne Smith supports the charity with a monthly donation, to give back for the care and support her and her husband, Ron, received.
My late husband Ron and I were both in the Civil Service working for the prison department. Ron was an electrician before he joined the Service, so went in as a Trades Officer and worked his way up through the ranks. He always worked and played hard and I was immensely proud of him. He was 89 when he died and we had been married for 68 years.
Whilst Ron was receiving immunotherapy at the Viking centre, he also had help from Pilgrims Hospices, who provided six sessions, once a week with the Energise group at the Thanet hospice. They got him back into exercising, and at the end of six weeks he was considered fit enough to restart at the local gym, which he thoroughly enjoyed. When the pandemic stopped him from attending the gym, he bought an exercise bike from the Pilgrims warehouse in Margate and exercised daily in our conservatory.
The help and understanding we both received at that frightening and upsetting time was so very much appreciated, and is why I continue to support Pilgrims Hospices through Always Caring.
Daphne
During his two year course of treatment, I was helped by attending the Carer Wellbeing Days. When I first arrived there I was apprehensive, but was soon put at ease by the kind and understanding staff. I could exchange views and feelings in a safe environment, spending time with others who were going through the same experiences. I found the Carer Wellbeing Days very helpful, as they gave me the time to relax away from my responsibilities as a carer. I also attended programmes run by the Palliative Specialist Nurses, where they gave me information on finance, common symptoms, and nutrition.
None of us know when we might need hospice care, but with your support we can continue to be here for local people when they need us most.
By giving regularly to Pilgrims Hospices you can help us be here, Always Caring for our patients and their families.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
28th March 2023
Sunflower Memories: David’s story
In 2023, Pilgrims Hospices celebrates 10 years of Sunflower Memories, its annual summer remembrance campaign. People across east Kent will come together at the hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 22 July to remember loved ones with special sunflower memory markers.
David remembers his wife, Sue, who worked for Pilgrims before receiving our care.
My wife Sue was the most amazing, caring and loving lady that I had the privilege to have been allowed to marry, love and share life with for the last 46 amazing years. Sue was very loved by all those who knew her. Not just friends but also she had a deep love for all our nieces and nephews who loved her back.
Sue was a legal secretary for some 27 years, working at many local firms before deciding that the care and nursing profession was her destiny. After working for the East Kent Hospitals Trust, she worked in end-of-life care in our community, before joining the Pilgrims Hospices team at Ashford. They were the best years in her life, during which she made many good friends among her patients.
Sue on the front cover of Pilgrims Matters 2013
Antiques was Sue’s passion, we could sit fifty people down for tea and each person would have a different cup and saucer! She was a very talented lady who could turn her hand to many things from dressmaking, to tending her beloved garden, water colour painting and making many wedding cakes. Sue was a prominent member of our community, involved in everything from fundraising activities, helping lead her local WI group, to helping administer COVID jabs during the pandemic.
Despite her illness, Sue always remained positive and upbeat and never complained, even though I knew she was in pain. I was so lucky to be home and right at her side at the end of her fight. She was my strength, my endurance, my friend and my love.
Sunflower Memories gives me time to reflect and remember Sue at a place she loved so very much while supporting the incredible work carried out at Pilgrims Hospices. Pilgrims meant so much to Sue and that is why I continue to support whenever I can.
Sunflower Days will take place on Saturday 22 July 2023, 10am-2pm, at our Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet hospices, where we welcome you to share your memories with us and each other, and celebrate in the sunshine.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity supports patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress. Care is provided from three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet, as well as in patients’ own homes. To offer these services to patients and their families the charity must raise £11 million each year from the generous local community.
9th March 2023
Laura: Pilgrims Hospices “were a shining light in a very dark time”
Mother’s Day can be a difficult time of year for anyone who has lost that special person.
My mother, Dorothy, was one of a kind, a dedicated nurse for more than 40 years with the NHS and above all an absolute inspiration to her family, friends and colleagues. I have been asked to share my story about my beautiful mother, but there are no words to truly express what a wonderful woman she truly was.
In the later part of her career, she was a theatre sister and worked with many consultants in the Head and Neck team. I, too, now work within Head and Neck at the William Harvey Hospital, working with the same consultants and I often hear how wonderful Mum was. She was a force to be reckoned with in the best way! Keeping everyone in check and putting her patients first. In fact, the manager of theatres told me: “Dorothy taught me everything I know”.
Another example of Mum’s calibre was completing the Moonwalk with me in 2019. We walked 26 miles from midnight to 8am. This was an amazing achievement, but what many people didn’t realise was that Mum had sprained her ankle the week before and was in a lot of pain. She refused to give up! It took her well over a month to recover from walking that distance. We raised over £1,500 between us for those suffering with breast cancer.
We were lucky enough to be able to keep Mum in the family home throughout her illness, but the contact we had with the hospice was second to none. Whenever we had a query it was answered immediately. Whenever we needed a doctor or a nurse, they were there. They truly were a shining light in a very dark time.
Laura
Unfortunately, Mum was diagnosed with cancer in March 2020. It couldn’t have been a worse time as the country experienced its first lock down. It meant we were unable to spend as much time with her, which was very difficult indeed.
She tried a few different treatments but they were unsuccessful, and so she made the brave decision to spend her last few months with family and doing what she could to make memories.
That’s where Pilgrims stepped in. We were lucky enough to be able to keep Mum in the family home throughout her illness, but the contact we had with the hospice was second to none. Whenever we had a query it was answered immediately. Whenever we needed a doctor or a nurse, they were there. They truly were a shining light in a very dark time. They helped us with aids to help Mum move around more easily: different cushions, frames and eventually a hospital bed.
We were also able to take advantage of bereavement counselling after Mum passed. This really helped and was so valuable to us. I am now studying Psychotherapy due to the impact that such a service had on me during the worst time of my life.
We were so very grateful that we all wanted to contribute as a tribute to Mum after she had passed. My father, who has lost the love of his life, gave a donation. My brother raised money by setting up a fishing competition at Hythe. My sister-in-law did a tandem sky dive and I completed a wing qalk. I think that dedication to raising money for Pilgrims speaks volumes about how our family feel.
Thank you Pilgrims, for all that you do; thank you.
Pilgrims Hospices care for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
