Remembering Tony: A lifetime of love, laughter, and sunflowers.
An adoring father and grandfather, my husband Tony was such a wonderful man. We met just a few days after my 18th birthday and had the typical meeting outside of the school gates. From daydreaming and scribbling ‘Tony 4 Me’ and ‘I heart Tony’ all over my school books, we would then go on to spend a very happy 50 years together. Although I best believe that our wedding had to be arranged around the fishing season with Tony being such a mad fisherman.
Tony’s illness was such an overwhelming and difficult time, but he fought it with such positivity, humour and determination. In the beginning, he did not want to entertain the idea of a hospice, but gradually he accepted the support that the hospice could give us both on his journey. Following an initial tour, his fears were allayed and he was comfortable attending either on his own or together. He took part in a couple of trials and it became the norm for us to discuss what would otherwise be a difficult topic. He fought to the very end though and because of the fantastic support, was able to stay at home until the last two days of his life. The nurses helped tremendously in making such a sad situation feel so normal and peaceful. The experience of his death was a beautiful one, where the love in his eyes shone through in his last minutes. It’s something I’ll never forget.
Roman – Laura’s grandson
Our obsession with sunflowers had always been a family joke. We both loved them, and Tony as a keen gardener, grew them in our garden and his allotment. We’d compete to see who could grow them the highest, and sometimes they were bigger than him! I have a total obsession with sunflowers, have ornaments, and even wore sunflower perfume. On any special occasion, we loved to give them out to our family and friends, as well as receive them. At his funeral, I laid a beautiful arrangement of sunflowers on his coffin.
When I found out about the Sunflower Days, I couldn’t think of anything more fitting. I attended with my grandson, Roman, who had lived with us since he was three and adored his Gramps, and the day brought so much happiness. A friend met us and took Roman to go and see his Gramps’ dedicated sunflower. It was a really emotional moment when he found Gramps’ special flower, we both cried, but they were happy tears. The gardens looked beautiful and it was a day of joy and happy memories.
However much I miss him, and always will, Tony’s passing was something I was so frightened of. But somehow, in the hospice, everything was so peaceful, and the staff were so kind and understanding. I will always be grateful. I hope to take part in Sunflower Memories, and attend the Sunflower Days for many years to come.
Join us this July to dedicate a sunflower in a loved one’s memory, and celebrate their life in the hospice gardens at our Sunflower Days.
This year, our Sunflower Days will take place on Saturday, July 20, from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. in our hospice gardens. We invite you to share your memories, collect your sunflower marker, and celebrate the life of your loved one, all while supporting the outstanding care Pilgrims delivers to local families, inside and outside the hospice walls.
More information on how to dedicate a sunflower can be found here.
Pilgrims Hospices is a registered charity providing specialist palliative care to individuals with life-limiting illnesses across East Kent. With a dedicated team of staff and volunteers, Pilgrims Hospices is committed to delivering compassionate care and support to patients and their families, ensuring dignity, comfort, and quality of life.
9th April 2024
Finding joy in memories: Sarah reflects on celebrating her dad’s life at Sunflower Memories
Sarah shares why celebrating the life of her dad, Anthony, at Sunflower Memories, is so important to her and her family.
My Dad was a total one-off. He had the most amazing sense of humour, loved to be the centre of attention, and was ridiculous, in the best way! With my brother and two sisters, we were all so close, but he and I in particular were such kindred spirits.
He loved jazz and rock and roll music, and when the time came, he decided on the music for his own funeral. In true Dad style, he chose Jerry Lee Lewis’s Great Balls of Fire to be played on the day! As I was putting his eulogy together and talking to all of the people in his life, there was one commonality between all of their memories: laughter.
I find such comfort in coming back to the hospice to remember him, and these events are such a wonderful opportunity and excuse to do so.
Sarah
Dad had his blood cancer diagnosis in 2014, and beat the odds of his prognosis. It wasn’t until he suffered a stroke in March of 2022 that he started to deteriorate. The cruellest part was that the stroke took his voice, and for a man with such a vivacious character, it was so upsetting.
Sarah’s dad, Anthony
While Dad only spent 36 hours in the hospice, Pilgrims Wellbeing services were offered to him beforehand, although he was hesitant to utilise them. In the end, he knew that the Canterbury hospice was the place he wanted to be. Ultimately, it was his life, his death, and his choice, right to the very end.
As soon as we arrived at the hospice, we were greeted by a doctor and nurses, who were amazing. They immediately sprang into action and got his pain and anxieties under control. They created such an honest, open, and safe environment in which Dad and all of the family were so supported. We were so scared and unsure of what to expect, but the Pilgrims nurses stayed by our side throughout, providing such a steady and reassuring presence.
Two years later, and I still find it hard to believe that he isn’t here with us. Along with my siblings, I remember my dad at both Trees of Love and Sunflower Memories. I find such comfort in coming back to the hospice to remember him, and these events are such a wonderful opportunity and excuse to do so. I want to keep celebrating him and see his name written somewhere. Knowing Dad, he would want to be flashed everywhere!
Sunflower Days take place on Saturday 20 July 2024, 1pm–4pm in Pilgrims Hospices gardens in Canterbury, Thanet, and Ashford.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity supports patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
4th July 2023
Sunflower Memories appeal to bloom again in hospice gardens
Pilgrims Hospices launch Sunflower Memories Appeal 2023, supporters are welcome to attend the remembrance events on 22 July, to celebrate the lives of loved ones and relive memories, with music and refreshments in the hospice gardens at Canterbury, Ashford and Thanet.
The leading provider of end-of-life care services in east Kent, is delighted to announce the appeal has now reached its 10th year of raising funds and awareness; it serves as a poignant tribute to cherished memories, while celebrating the spirit of compassion and care.
Pilgrims Hospices Nurse, Simone with Sunflower art
Each year the hospices offer individuals and communities an opportunity to visit the hospice gardens; to come together, and remember their loved ones, while making a positive difference in the lives of others. This year’s appeal is set to be even more remarkable, as the appeal donations over the past 10 years will reach in excess of £380,000, providing exceptional end-of-life care for thousands of people in the local community. All are welcome to donate to dedicate a sunflower in memory of a cherished person. Each sunflower represents a heartfelt tribute to those who are no longer with us, but whose memories continue to shine brightly. Each participant will have a sunflower marker dedicated and personalised, symbolising their support for Pilgrims Hospices and the meaningful impact they are making.
The hospices’ Supporter Relations team will transcribe the names of those to be remembered, on to each sunflower, thereafter they will be prominently displayed in the hospice garden of choice, creating a vibrant display for people to visit on the Sunflower days. The Sunflowers will remain in the gardens through to the end of August, or can be collected on the days as a keepsake.
To take part in Sunflower Memories this year, simply call Pilgrims Supporter Relations team on 01227 782066 and let them know you would like to remember with a sunflower. By making a donation for your sunflower you will be helping others who need our care and their families.
Ellie Cane, Pilgrims Individual Giving Manager said: “This appeal provides a special opportunity for people to honour and remember their loved ones, while helping Pilgrims continue to deliver outstanding care for patients and their families.
This beautiful event allows us to spend time with supporters, old and new, sharing news on Pilgrims Hospices care and services, as we move forward, continue to expand, and improve our facilities to help even more people.”
This year these very special days will take place on Saturday 22 July from 10am – 2pm; Pilgrims staff and volunteers will welcome visitors to share memories, and celebrate in the sunshine. To help celebrate this special 10 years of Sunflower Memoires, the Wellbeing Team will be attending, displaying some of the beautiful sunflower themed artwork created by patients in the Therapy Centres.
Billy Williams, Wellbeing Lead, said: “When patients attend groups such as ‘Time to Create’, they can relax in a friendly supportive environment, talk to like-mined people openly, and discuss the concerns freely. Trying something new or rekindling some skills that have been forgotten can be excellent therapy, we know this, the chatter and laughter that can be heard at the groups is fantastic, and we encourage staff from all areas of the charity to come and get involved, chat with our patients, and enjoy doing something creative.
Wellbeing Sunflowers 7
Wellbeing Sunflowers 6
Wellbeing Sunflowers 4
Wellbeing Sunflower 12
“Some of our ‘Time to Create’ patients have also been growing Sunflowers from seed, that will form part of the displays for everyone to enjoy on the day.
Pilgrims rely heavily on the generosity of their supporters to continue delivering exceptional care to patients, and their families. Your donations will directly impact lives, ensuring they can provide comfort, dignity, and support when it is needed most.
To find out more or get involved, visit pilgrimshospices.org/sunflowers, e-mail: [email protected], or call our friendly Supporter Relations team on 01227 782 062
Pilgrims Hospices is a leading charity dedicated to providing outstanding end-of-life care, and support to individuals with life-limiting illnesses. With a team of compassionate professionals, Pilgrims ensures that patients and their families receive exceptional physical, emotional, and spiritual care, throughout their journey. Funds raised through the Sunflower Memories Appeal will directly support the wide range of services offered by the charity, including specialised nursing care, emotional support, and practical assistance. These vital resources enable patients to live their lives to the fullest, surrounded by love, dignity, and compassion, until the end.
With your support, we can make a lasting difference in the lives of those facing life-limiting illnesses and their families.
16th July 2021
Hospice Sunflower Memories event continues to grow thanks to local nurseries
The delightful and uplifting Sunflower Memories appeal returns to Pilgrims Hospices gardens in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 24 July 2021.
Last year, the much-loved remembrance event took place virtually due to COVID restrictions. This year, although in the scaled back return of Pilgrims events, the charity hopes to raise £50,000 following their best year ever in 2020. People are invited to dedicate a sunflower marker to their loved one and attend the beautiful hospice gardens to share treasured memories together safely.
Sara Scriven, Pilgrims Individual Giving Manager, said: “After a year when we’ve all been asked to stay at home, and many of us have been unable to visit family and friends, we’re so glad to be able to invite everyone back into our hospice gardens to remember again, in a COVID-secure way.
Sunflower Memories is such an important event in our calendar, as it not only helps us continue caring and supporting our patients’ family and friends after they’ve lost their loved one, but it also helps ensure we can continue our vital work.
Kate White, Head of Nursing
“It’s so important to us all at Pilgrims that we are able to offer our community the opportunity to remember and celebrate their loved ones’ lives, and to invite them into our beautiful hospice gardens. We also would like to encourage anyone across east Kent who has lost a loved one to take part, regardless of a connection to Pilgrims. Sunflowers is a remembrance for everyone in our community, and now is the time to join together in celebration, to remember and honour those we’ve lost.”
The events will be accompanied by reflective music and Pilgrims are delighted to have support from their dedicated volunteer workforce on the day to help visitors to find their sunflower memory markers, and to keep the event safe for all those wishing to share in this very special day.
Sara Scriven with Peter Buscall from Meadow Grange Nursery
“We are hugely grateful for the support of our local community and businesses for helping to make this event happen. Peter Buscall at Meadow Grange Nursery has supplied all of the flower pots required for the events on all three Pilgrims sites and is growing 100 sunflowers for the Canterbury day. Jackie Young of Youngs Nurseries has generously donated all the seeds needed. Regular members of Pilgrims volunteer workforce Carol Whittaker and Isabel Hack are growing 100 sunflowers for the Thanet day and Jan Wear is growing 100 for the Ashford day. We could not be more grateful for everyone’s commitment to this very special annual event.” Sara added.
Although on this occasion the hospices will not be providing refreshments, supporters are asked to bring their own picnic blankets and refreshments to keep the event COVID-secure.
Monday 19 July is the deadline to ensure the markers can be in the ground for the event, and to secure a time slot to visit on the day. The events will run from 10:00 am-5:00 pm on Saturday 24 July on all three Pilgrims sites, and supporters need to book an half hour slot to visit the gardens, find their sunflower, and spend a little time remembering their loved one in the beautiful surroundings.
Kate White, Pilgrims Head of Nursing, said: “Sunflower Memories is such an important event in our calendar, as it not only helps us continue caring and supporting our patients’ family and friends after they’ve lost their loved one, but it also helps ensure we can continue our vital work. Reflecting on the year myself and my team have experienced, I am continually amazed by the incredible work they do, and I feel so proud to work for an organisation that has continued providing compassionate care and support to our community through such difficult times. But it is only through the support of people donating to appeals, like Sunflower Memories, that this has been possible.”
If you would like to dedicate a sunflower marker in a Pilgrims Hospices garden of your choice, visit www.pilgrimshospices.org/sunflowers or call Pilgrims Supporter Relations team on 01227 782 062 (Monday – Friday 9am – 5pm) or email [email protected]. The team will be pleased to help you with your dedication.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress. Care is provided from three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet as well as in patients’ own homes. To offer these services to patients and their families the charity must raise £11 million each year from the generous local community.
4th August 2020
Hundreds join together online to enjoy UK’s first Hospice Remembrance Film
Pilgrims Hospices has created an innovative remembrance film, as a way to continue its annual summer remembrance Sunflower Memories, bringing it into the homes of hundreds across east Kent.
The event, which would usually be hosted in the hospice gardens at Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet, was transformed into an online celebration. Supporters had their sunflower memory markers sent to them to keep in a special place at home, and were invited to make a dedication to their loved one on an online Memory Wall.
The UK’s first Hospice remembrance film, was put together by Sara Scriven, Individual Giving Manager, with the help of BBC filmmaker Kerry King.
Sara told us, “Instead of inviting our supporters into our hospice gardens, this year we brought Sunflower Memories to them. The film was months in the making, and we hope it has given our supporters a real insight into the world of the hospice, and the extraordinary collaborative effort that helps bring Sunflower Memories together each year.”
“We’re go grateful to the supporters, volunteers and staff who shared their stories with us as part of this very special remembrance. With your help, Sunflowers Memories has been our most successful to date, with over 750 people dedicating a sunflower to their loved ones, raising an incredible £31,700 so far. This amount will help support thousands of patients living with terminal illness in east Kent, and with donations still coming in, the Hospice will be able to reach so many more.”
For more information contact the Pilgrims Hospices Supporter Relations Team on 01227 782062, or at [email protected].
10th July 2020
First Hospice in the UK to create a Remembrance Film
Pilgrims Hospices annual summer remembrance Sunflower Memories holds a special place in the hearts of many people across east Kent. Hundreds take part every year by dedicating a sunflower memory marker to their loved ones, and coming together in the hospice gardens in July to share memories and celebrate their loved ones lives.
This year, due to Covid-19, the hospice has been working hard to transform Sunflower Memories from a garden celebration to a remembrance which can be enjoyed from the comfort of home.
Sunflower memory markers are being sent to people at home, and the Individual Giving team are hard at work to prepare a very special film, which will be released on 25 July at 2pm.
Sara Scriven, Individual Giving Manager said, “In a year when we’ve all been asked to stay at home, and many of us are self-isolating on our own, finding a way to support each other, and remember together, we felt was more important than ever.
We’re so excited to be working with Kerry King, freelance BBC filmmaker, to create our Sunflower Memories remembrance film. We’re not just streaming an online service. This film has been months in the making, and will include many supporters sharing their stories, as well as a behind the scenes look at the extraordinary collaborative effort that helps bring Sunflower Memories together each year. It will be a wonderful insight into the world of the hospice, as well as hearing from some of our staff about what it’s been like working throughout the pandemic.”
Sara adds, “At Pilgrims, we feel it is more important now than ever to come together and share in the memories of our loved ones, and this is why I’d like to take this opportunity to encourage everybody across east Kent, who has lost a loved one to take part, whether they’ve had a connection with the hospice or not. Sunflower Memories is a remembrance for everyone in east Kent. Now is the time to join together in celebration of our loved ones and remember.”
Pilgrims Hospices Sunflower Memories remembrance film will be launched on Saturday 25 July at 2pm on their YouTube channel, website, and social media pages. For more information visit Sunflower Memories call 01227 782062, or email [email protected].
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
