Sue Duncan supports Trees of Love in memory of her sister, Jeannie, and their mother, Anne.
Here, she explains how Pilgrims Hospices helped the whole family and why she chooses to remember Jeannie and Anne in this way.
My sister, Jeannie, was referred to Pilgrims after a late stage lung cancer diagnosis, where she was given the best care and support through the Therapy Centres, in the hospice and at home.
Jeannie was a talented water colourist, and the arts sessions in the Therapy Centre really allowed her to continue exploring her creativity, and pursue her love of painting. She made good friends there, and it really helped take her mind off her illness.
As a carer to Jeannie, I received a great deal of support – at Pilgrims I was seen as a person too, who was watching her younger sister reach the end of her life. I’ve never forgotten the kindness I was treated with, in what was a very upsetting situation.
Shortly after Jeannie died, it became clear that our mother was really struggling with the loss her youngest daughter. She had felt helpless since Jeannie’s diagnosis, as her own disabilities meant she was unable to provide much practical help. Then when Jeannie died, she felt she should protect her family from the grief she didn’t know how to deal with. Pilgrims were wonderful, providing a counsellor with whom she could speak about Jeannie and her memories. It was a great help for my mother to have somebody who was kind and caring to connect with.
As a carer to Jeannie, I received a great deal of support – at Pilgrims I was seen as a person too, who was watching her younger sister reach the end of her life. I’ve never forgotten the kindness I was treated with, in what was a very upsetting situation.
Sue
Later in 2017, I was contacted by the hospice about the Trees of Love remembrance, and it just seemed a lovely thing to do. I told my mum I was doing it, and together we wrote a message on Jeannie’s dove. It was a way to symbolise our remembrance, and I’ve taken part every year since.
My mother died the following year, so now I remember them both with a dove. I thought the film in 2020 was a lovely thing to do, I watched it two or three times all the way through. Not only could I see my mum and sister remembered, but I also felt a togetherness with the other families remembering their loved ones. We were all going through the same thing.
I look forward to taking part again this year, and hopefully, coming to the service at the Canterbury hospice to experience that feeling of togetherness again, in person.
There will be no live service at our hospices this year. There will be a filmed service released on the Pilgrims Hospices YouTube channel at midday on Saturday 4 December, for you to enjoy before dropping in to find your dove.
We also offer indoor services with seating across our east Kent community:
Firmager, St Nicholas Church, New Romney, 3pm on Saturday 4 December 2021
All Souls Church, Cheriton, Folkestone, 5pm on Sunday 5 December 2021
St Peter and St Paul Church, River, Dover, 4pm on Sunday 12 December 2021
Barham Crematorium, Barham, 4.30pm on Tuesday 14 December 2021
Charing Crematorium, Charing, 4.30pm on Wednesday 15 December 2021
To dedicate a dove in memory of a loved one please visit pilgrimshospices.org/treesoflove or contact our Supporter Relations team:
You can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
16th November 2021
Trees of Love: The Buckler family’s story
The Buckler family support Trees of Love in memory of David Buckler; a much-loved husband, son, father and grandad.
Here, they explain how Pilgrims Hospices helps them to come together with others, share memories and help local hospice services continue to be available for families in the future.
David Buckler was the rock of our family, he had a heart of gold and was a devoted husband to Jilly and an amazing son, dad and grandad. He has left a huge hole in our lives that can never be filled and we miss him dearly.
Dad had a love of motorsport and fast cars. He enjoyed a pint and a game of darts with his son and holidays in Rye with our mum.
In February 2019, Dad was given such devastating news that he had terminal pancreatic cancer; as the weeks went on, the cancer took hold.
Our dad was such a strong and proud man. He was brave and courageous to the end and the only tears he shed were concern for his family.
The day Dad went into Pilgrims Hospice Ashford is one we will never forget. Walking into the hospice, the way all the staff made us feel and the support and care they gave him and all of us was indescribable. Dad even asked how much this was costing, so that to us spoke volumes.
When Dad sadly passed away the next morning, all the staff there really showed empathy and compassion towards us and that meant the world to us during such a devastating time.
Trees of Love is so important to us as a family as the remembrance service gives us time to reflect and remember our dad at this time of year as he loved Christmas. It enables us to join together with other families in similar situations, and gives us the chance to support the hospice by way of a donation so they can give their love and vital, much needed support and devotion to other families the way they did for us.
There will be no live service at our hospices this year. There will be a filmed service released on the Pilgrims Hospices YouTube channel at midday on Saturday 4 December, for you to enjoy before dropping in to find your dove.
We also offer indoor services with seating across our east Kent community:
Firmager, St Nicholas Church, New Romney, 3pm on Saturday 4 December 2021
All Souls Church, Cheriton, Folkestone, 5pm on Sunday 5 December 2021
St Peter and St Paul Church, River, Dover, 4pm on Sunday 12 December 2021
Barham Crematorium, Barham, 4.30pm on Tuesday 14 December 2021
Charing Crematorium, Charing, 4.30pm on Wednesday 15 December 2021
To dedicate a dove in memory of a loved one please visit pilgrimshospices.org/treesoflove or contact our Supporter Relations team:
You can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
10th November 2021
Trees of Love returns to light up east Kent
This year, local charity Pilgrims Hospices sees the return of the Trees of Love remembrance events at its three hospices and at alternative venues across east Kent.
The largest festive remembrance to take place in east Kent has been running for over 20 years, and raised over £970,000 for the charity to date.
Ellie Cane, who is part of the team behind Trees of Love, said:
“We are so amazed at the amount our local community has raised by taking part in Trees of Love for all these years, and this year we’re really hoping that with their help we can reach £1 million. This would be such an incredible achievement, and I would like to take this chance to say a huge thank you in advance to all those who will be joining us for the remembrance this December.”
The remembrance will begin with the release of a filmed service on the Pilgrims Hospices’ YouTube channel and website on Saturday 4 December at 12pm. This replaces the usual live service performed at the three hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet. Guests are then invited to drop in to the hospices between 4pm and 6pm on the same day to find their dedicated dove, whilst enjoying carol singing and warm mince pies.
Ellie continued:
“On behalf of everyone at Pilgrims, I would like to encourage anyone who has lost someone to join with us to remember by dedicating a beautiful dove in memory of their loved ones. To take part, contact our Supporter Relations team, and we will send a dove out to you to decorate with your personal message. We will place your beautiful dove on the trees at your chosen site, to remain illuminated throughout the festive season.”
Pilgrims Hospices’ Trees of Love remembrances will be held in the gardens of each hospice at Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 4 December 2021, between 4pm and 6pm. Pilgrims also host alternative services at other venues in Barham, Charing, Cheriton, Dover and New Romney.
If you would like to take part to join with others to remember your loved ones and mark this special occasion, or for more information, contact Pilgrims’ Supporter Relations team on 01227 782 062 or email supporter.relations@pilgrimshospices.org.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
5th November 2021
Trees of Love: Penny’s story
Penny Uhlendorf supports Trees of Love in memory of her parents, Dick and Ethné.
Here, she explains how Pilgrims Hospices helps her family to remember and give back.
My three sisters, Mary, Susie and Carol, my brother Andrew and I grew up near Canterbury with our parents, Dick and Ethné Thrush. Our father worked in Canterbury, and our mother was a homemaker: raising the five of us, breeding various dogs, tending chickens, and growing the most beautiful vegetable and flower gardens. Most of us have moved away, but two of my siblings still live in Kent, helping us keep our strong connection to the area.
Dick and Ethné
Despite our geographical distances, we all remained very close with our parents over the years. Our father died in June 2008, just a few weeks after celebrating our mother’s 90th birthday together. She then moved from their Canterbury flat to Littlebourne House, bravely soldiering on without her beloved husband of 69 years. When her health declined to the point where she needed hospitalisation, she was transferred to Pilgrims Hospices in June 2009, where she was given the very best of care.
From the skilled and compassionate staff, to the comfort-filled rooms, with handmade quilts on each bed; to the caring, thoughtful volunteers, my siblings and I could not have asked for a more peaceful and perfect place for our mother to spend her final ten days. On 30th June 2009, our mother joined our father exactly one year to the day that he passed, just as she had hoped and planned.
Trees of Love is one of several ways at Pilgrims Hospices in which I can tangibly memorialise my parents while supporting such a vital institution. Last year, it was very special to be able to participate in the Trees of Love online event by sharing a photo of our parents, and watching the video. I live in the United States, so although I took part remotely, participating in the Trees of Love and Sunflower Memories remembrances in memory of both of our parents is so important to me, and I greatly appreciate the opportunity to support such a very worthy cause. My parents are always in my heart, but these events bring them that much closer, and that means the world to me.
There will be no live service at our hospices this year. There will be a filmed service released on the Pilgrims Hospices YouTube channel at midday on Saturday 4 December, for you to enjoy before dropping in to find your dove.
We also offer indoor services with seating across our east Kent community:
Firmager, St Nicholas Church, New Romney, 3pm on Saturday 4 December 2021
All Souls Church, Cheriton, Folkestone, 5pm on Sunday 5 December 2021
St Peter and St Paul Church, River, Dover, 4pm on Sunday 12 December 2021
Barham Crematorium, Barham, 4.30pm on Tuesday 14 December 2021
Charing Crematorium, Charing, 4.30pm on Wednesday 15 December 2021
To dedicate a dove in memory of a loved one please visit pilgrimshospices.org/treesoflove or contact our Supporter Relations team:
You can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
16th December 2019
Pilgrims Hospices saw many come together for east Kent’s largest remembrance
Pilgrims Hospices welcomed 2,000 people to their Trees of Love remembrance services on Saturday 7 December, to raise funds to support people living with incurable illnesses in east Kent.
The events took place in the grounds of the charity’s three hospices at Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet, where huge festive trees were lit up in memory of lost loved ones. Adorned with beautiful doves bearing personal messages, thousands from across east Kent shared their special memories at these remembrance services with carols. Trees of Loveservices were also held in other venues across east Kent in Barham, Charing, Cheriton, Dover and New Romney, to allow more people to attend.
Ellie Cane, Pilgrims Hospices Individual Giving Officer, said: “Our thanks go to everyone who donated to the Trees of Love appeal and dedicated a dove in memory of their loved ones.
“At what can be a difficult time of the year, sharing thoughts with others who have similar experiences keeps our loved ones firmly in our hearts. That’s why this year we wanted to encourage all those across east Kent who have lost loved ones to join us, regardless of a previous connection with Pilgrims.”
She added: “So far we have raised £60,000 for local hospice care from the Trees of Love appeal. This is such an amazing amount, which could pay for many hours of nursing care both on our wards and in people’s own homes, or provides support in our Therapy Centres. It really will make a difference to our patients and their families who need support and care in such difficult times.
Our thanks go to everyone who donated to the Trees of Love appeal.
Ellie Cane, Pilgrims Hospices
“We cannot thank all those who have supported us enough for helping us achieve such an incredible sum. Their contribution will mean so much to all those within the community who need help to live well in every moment.”
This year, visitors were welcomed by Pilgrims Hospices’ Spiritual Care Leads at each site, followed by readings from staff and volunteers, and carols led by local choirs. Mince pies, hot chocolate and mulled wine were also available to keep guests warm.
“Our thanks must extend also to our local communities and the many volunteers who give their time and skills every year to make the events run smoothly. It really couldn’t be done without them.” Ellie added.
The Trees of Love and their doves will remain in the three hospice grounds for all to visit throughout the festive season.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life-limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims support, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about the options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
29th November 2019
Trees of Love: Evelyn’s story
Evelyn White attends Trees of Love in memory of her husband, Bob. Here, she explains why the festive remembrance service is so important for her family.
Robert and I met in 1994 at Whitehall where we both worked. We had both been married before, and between us we have three daughters, six grandchildren, and four great grandchildren.
He preferred to be called Bob. He was an intelligent man with a mathematical brain, a family man who had an affinity with animals and children. He wasn’t afraid to say what he felt and, in turn, he liked you to be honest with him. You could talk to him about anything and everything, particularly if something was upsetting you, if you didn’t understand or just wanted advice.
He was a hard worker and thought nothing of working seven days a week if money was needed for a holiday or to help the family.
Although the pain does not go away, it is really nice that there is always a place that we and other families can come together to celebrate the life of a loved one at Trees of Love, and dedicate a dove at Christmas. The support Pilgrims gives when we feel so low and don’t know what to do or where to turn is amazing, and it means a lot that we are not forgotten.
Evelyn
In 2014 Bob started getting ill and I took early retirement to look after him. We moved to a bungalow in Herne Bay and he got better. We all thought that everything was going to be ok, but in 2017 he took a turn for the worse. It was at that point we started to talk about his end of life.
My mum talked about her friend who volunteered every Monday at Pilgrims Hospice Thanet. I had never heard of this charity before. Little did we know that Bob would be transferred there. When he was in the hospice we didn’t know what to expect, we were so upset but the nurses were so good. We could talk to them, ask questions and nothing – and I mean nothing – was too much trouble. When Bob was alert the nurses would sit with us, talk, laugh and get him anything he asked for. On the 15 August 2017, myself and Bob’s daughter’s, Sarah and Lisa, stayed overnight at the hospice and in the morning of 16 August he passed away.
Two years have passed and we all miss him still. Although the pain does not go away, it is really nice that there is always a place that we and other families can come together to celebrate the life of a loved one at Trees of Love, and dedicate a dove at Christmas. The support Pilgrims gives when we feel so low and don’t know what to do or where to turn is amazing, and it means a lot that we are not forgotten.
This year, you can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
