Mandy Broughton attends Trees of Love in memory of her husband, Eamon. Here, she shares how it helps her to feel close to him at an emotional time of year.
2019 has been my 20th wedding anniversary; it was such a happy day yet slightly tinged with apprehension. My husband Eamon had survived testicular and bowel cancer, but a routine check-up a few months prior to our wedding had shown some spots on his lungs.
We were married in Canterbury and went on honeymoon to Bermuda. Unfortunately, about three days into our honeymoon Eamon starting feeling unwell and we had to fly home early. What followed was several months of doctors and hospital appointments, waiting for a surgeon to return from his holiday, and a prolonged hospital stay at Kings in London.
As Eamon died so close to Christmas I find the Trees of Love services an ideal way of marking that time. Even though he died 20 years ago, I find it an emotional time. I like to take part in the services as I find it makes a little link with Eamon that I can’t achieve any other way.
Mandy
We were dealing with multiple doctors at multiple establishments and trying to ensure they all knew the full situation. If we had to call for a doctor, it took ages simply to explain what was wrong and what treatment he had. In addition to the underlying problems of his cancer, Eamon suffered from infections so he was taking a lot of medication.
At the end of August 1999 things came to a head. Eamon was either feeling terrible or knocked out by morphine. It was eventually arranged for him to go to the hospice in Canterbury. We all assumed it was the beginning of the end.
Mandy and Eamon
When we arrived Eamon was taken to a room and made comfortable. I was ushered into a nice office, given a cup of tea and shown such kindness and understanding that I broke down in tears. Two people gave me their full attention and time and I poured out the story of Eamon’s health. The relief of knowing that Eamon and I were going to be looked after was immense.
What I didn’t expect was to go into Eamon’s room later the same day and find him sitting up in bed, happy, chatting and choosing a drink from the afternoon drinks trolley! By simply sorting out his medication, the doctor at the hospice had transformed our lives.
So in a complete turnaround from my initial thoughts that the hospice was a sad place where Eamon would die, it became a place of new hope. Eamon stayed a few days and when he came home he was even able to ride a bike for a little while. We had a hospice nurse, Judy, visit once a week and she stayed on top of Eamon’s medication. In November 1999 Eamon’s health declined as he developed yet another primary cancer, this one in his brain. Judy’s visits were invaluable at this time.
Eamon died aged 42 in the Chaucer Hospital; my big regret being that he was too ill to be moved to the hospice. The six months after our wedding was a time of unbelievable heartache, worry, pain and sometimes panic. However, we did also experience incredible kindness, peace and even joy, and the hospice contributed greatly to those positives.
As Eamon died so close to Christmas I find the Trees of Love services an ideal way of marking that time. Even though he died 20 years ago, I find it an emotional time. I like to take part in the services as I find it makes a little link with Eamon that I can’t achieve any other way.
This year, you can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
15th November 2019
Trees of Love: Christine’s story
Christine Knight attends Trees of Love every year in memory of her mum, Ada. Here, she explains how coming together with others who have a connection to Pilgrims helps her to give back.
My mum was a strong, often misunderstood woman, she always kept everything very close. But underneath it all, she was very soft and vulnerable. When she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that all changed, and she really started to open up to me. I even found out she had been blind in one eye her entire life and I’d never known!
Mum was extremely active, always doing everything for herself, well into her late eighties. So we only went to the doctors when I saw her one day looking yellow, and it was then we got the cancer diagnosis.
It’s our way of giving back to the place that gave Mum such care, and through Trees of Love we feel we are beginning to pay back that kindness.
Christine
Ada
She stayed at home for as long as I could look after her, then she said she would like to move to the hospice. She was only there for four days, but they were four days I will never forget. The care for both my mum and her family had such an impact on all of us. I was so amazed by the incredible support they gave to us – always offering toast, chocolate, biscuits and tea.
When Mum died in February 2012 it hit us all very hard, but the care we had been provided was so good I felt I had enough closure not to need the hospice’s bereavement support. We gave Mum’s funeral collections to Pilgrims and were sent an invite to Trees of Love, and it seemed such a wonderful idea. The first time I went it was very emotional, but I felt it was where I needed to be because it was where I saw my mum last, and I felt such a connection to the hospice. My husband has given me the support to come back every year and dedicate a dove. I enjoy the company, and being able to share with people who have been through the same experiences as us. It’s our way of giving back to the place that gave Mum such care, and through Trees of Love we feel we are beginning to pay back that kindness.
This year, you can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
8th November 2019
Trees of Love: Pam’s story
Pam Goodwin attends Trees of Love every year in memory of her husband, Charles. Here, she shares how the festive service helps her to reflect on Charles’ life at such a special time of year.
Chas and I were married for 38 years and have three children and a grandchild whom he loved dearly. He was a funny, intelligent man who loved DIY and gardening. Tools were his passion, and he loved growing vegetables for the family. We lived in London before moving down to Thanet for the last two years of his life, and it was the best decision we ever made because he got much better care here than he would have received in London.
It gives me the opportunity to remember Chas in the weeks before Christmas, and the opportunity to reflect on my loss with the support of others around me who understand.
Pam
Chas had cancer for many years, and after long hospital visits he just wanted to be able to stay at home for as long as possible. So after a referral we had a lovely Pilgrims nurse visit our home on a weekly basis during his last four months. It was such a great help. The thing about Pilgrims is they weren’t just there for Charles, they were supportive to me and the family as well. They really understood what we were going through, so when it came to moving him into the hospice for the last 10 days of his life it felt natural.
Charles
They were so professional, but they also didn’t make us feel unwanted or in the way – we were seen as part of the furniture. We were able to visit whenever we wanted to, and when we were there we were so looked after, they were always offering us food and cups of tea. I was at home when they phoned to ask if I wanted to come in that afternoon as they thought he didn’t have long, and this meant that I and two of our children were able to be at his side at the end.
Pilgrims were absolutely wonderful, not just when Charles was ill, but afterwards as well. I went to Trees of Love eight months after he died. I went alone, and started chatting to a man next to me who had lost his wife. I found such comfort in sharing our stories and experiences, and this is why Trees of Love is so important to me. It gives me the opportunity to remember Chas in the weeks before Christmas, and the opportunity to reflect on my loss with the support of others around me who understand.
This year, you can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
1st November 2019
Trees of Love: Kirsty’s story
Kirsty Beaumont attends Trees of Love every year in memory of her mum, Valerie. Here, she shares why dedicating a dove to her mum and placing it on the tree is so important.
My mum was the life and soul. She was always on the go and loved a party – even drove up to Scotland and back in a day so as not to miss one!
She was a primary school teacher for 20 years. She loved sports, would watch as much as she could, and coached football at her primary school in Deal. She was always so healthy and strong, so when she was taken to A&E in December 2017 it was a real shock to all of us. It was my birthday when we were told she had a brain tumour, and by January we knew that that she wouldn’t have long left.
Mum died in June 2018, and that Christmas I was invited to the Trees of Love remembrance. It’s near my birthday and just seemed like such a lovely idea, which is why it’s really important for me to remember Mum with a dove.
Kirsty
Our first experience of Pilgrims was when Mum was admitted for a week to help manage her pain. Mum loved it there, she received the best care. She couldn’t quite believe her luck when the drinks trolley came around and she was offered a glass of wine! They made her feel so much better, and when she came home she was like her old self again for a while.
It was just a few months later that she came back into Pilgrims for her final two weeks. Mum had become confused, which I found distressing, but the nurses were amazing stepping in and supporting me, encouraging me to keep talking to her every time I visited.
Mum died in June 2018, and that Christmas I was invited to the Trees of Love remembrance. It’s near my birthday and just seemed like such a lovely idea, which is why it’s really important for me to remember Mum with a dove. That is why I’m taking part again this year.
This year, you can also post a message and a photo in memory of your loved one on our online Trees of Love memory wall.
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing Programme.
17th December 2018
Jacky experiences the reality of life in a hospice
Jacky Darling, a minister in training from St Nicholas Church in New Romney, is gaining experience in the reality of life in a hospice with Pilgrims at Ashford.
Jacky joined Geoff Walters, Head of Spiritual Care Services for Pilgrims Hospices, as part of her training programme. Geoff said: “By sharing various events and aspects of hospice life, we hope Jacky will have an understanding of what a hospice is and does and can, therefore, be supportive to people she meets in the community facing life-limiting illness.”
Jacky explained: “It’s very important to be knowledgeable and positive for people within the community who may have little or no experience of hospice services, leaving them feeling negative and vulnerable.
“My time with everyone at Pilgrims is proving really inspirational. I’m now confident that I can share my experiences and explain how Pilgrims can offer a variety of services to help people who need care, and their families, to live well in the moment. It’s a privilege to share such important information with our community; the charity is providing a vital service.
“I’ve been given opportunities to spend time with the nurses in their morning meetings, attend the Therapy Centre and get to know day patients, staff and volunteers. There’s so much more to the hospice than a bed on a ward.”
Pilgrims Hospices cannot change what’s happening but they can make a difference to patients and their families in such difficult times.
Jacky Darling
Jacky had a career in teaching, taking early retirement from her role as a Primary Head Teacher in order to pursue a spiritual vocation. She led the Trees of Love service held at St Nicholas Church in New Romney on Saturday 1 December and will be ordained in June 2019.
Jacky added: “I enjoyed the Trees of Love service, it was uplifting and comforting to so many local people whose loved ones or friends have been cared for by Pilgrims (and other bereaved people in the community). I welcomed this opportunity to celebrate their lives and wish everyone a peaceful Christmas.
“Pilgrims Hospices cannot change what’s happening but they can make a difference to patients and their families in such difficult times. It’s a moving experience and I’m grateful to be part of the Pilgrims community. I see the passion that surrounds the staff at the hospice; my experience here will enable me to help people understand the breadth of services available and why the charity needs continued support from the community.”
Pilgrims’ offer support for people of any religion or belief. The term ‘spirituality’ covers a wide range of belief systems, from membership of a faith community to those who follow a more personal philosophy or lifestyle. This pastoral and spiritual care (often known as chaplaincy) is available for people who are religious and can equally be a source of support for people of any belief. Facilitating places like Jacky’s is something that Pilgrims Hospices Spiritual Care team does regularly across all sites. Click here to find out more.
Each year Pilgrims supports hundreds of local people coping with a life-limiting illness and their families. The charity offers a range of services: from end of life care given on its wards to its Wellbeing and Social Programme supporting people after they are diagnosed, to live well and stay independent.
Community remember loved ones at Trees of Love services
Pilgrims Hospices Trees of Love remembrance services have so far raised almost £80,000 to support people living with an incurable illness in east Kent.
More than 1,000 people attended Pilgrims Hospices Trees of Love gatherings. The remembrance services took place on Saturday 8 December, with huge festive trees lit up in the gardens in the charity’s Canterbury, Ashford and Margate hospice grounds. The beautiful trees were adorned with Pilgrims doves bearing personal messages. The Tree of Love events also took place in venues throughout east Kent in Barham, Charing, Cheriton, Dover, and Romney Marsh, to allow more people to attend and share special tributes to loved ones.
Millie, Lillie-Starr, and Madison welcomed visitors to Pilgrims’ hospice in Margate
Sophie Douch, Pilgrims Hospices Individual Giving Officer, said: “We would like to thank everyone who donated to our campaign and dedicated a dove in memory of their loved ones. Sharing thoughts and being part of our hospice family keeps our loved ones firmly in our hearts.
Trees of Love wouldn’t be possible without the amazing support of our communities.
Sophie Douch, Individual Giving Officer at Pilgrims Hospices
She added: “This is such an amazing amount of money to raise for hospice care. It could pay for many hours of nursing care on our wards, within the Wellbeing and Therapy Centres or in patients’ homes. It will truly help to make a real difference to our patients and their families who need support and care in such difficult times.
“We cannot thank our supporters enough for helping to achieve such a wonderful sum of money. It will make a huge difference to so many people within the community who need help to live life to the full in every moment.”
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Canterbury hospice
The Rev. Jo Richards, Rector of the Benefice of St Dunstan’s, St Mildred’s and St Peter’s, welcomed visitors followed by readings from staff and volunteers from Pilgrims Hospices. Carols were led by Barton Court Grammar School Choir.
Ashford hospice
The Rev. Geoff Walters, Head of Spiritual Care Services at Pilgrims Hospices, welcomed visitors followed by readings from other Pilgrims’ staff and volunteers. Music was led by members of the Ashford Concert Band and friends, and a choir drawn from the churches of Ashford, conducted by Tony Shaw.
Thanet hospice
The Rev. Ken Cox, welcomed visitors followed by readings from staff and volunteers from Pilgrims Hospices. Music was played by the Salvation Army Band with carols sung by choirs from local churches led by Choir Master Tim Attride.
At the end of the services, visitors shared minced pies, hot chocolate and mulled wine.
Added Sophie: “Trees of Love wouldn’t be possible without the amazing support of our communities, including the help of so many volunteers who give their time and skills every year to make the events run smoothly.”
The Trees of Love and their doves will remain in the grounds of the three Pilgrims’ hospices in Canterbury, Ashford and Thanet until the New Year for people to visit. We’re here to support you however you choose to give in memory; click here to find out how you can remember someone special.
If you or someone you love has been diagnosed with a life-limiting illness, click here to find out more about Pilgrims’ full range of services. Each year Pilgrims supports hundreds of local people coping with a life-limiting illness and their families. The charity offers a range of services: from end of life care given on its wards to its new Wellbeing and Social Programme supporting people after they are diagnosed to live well and stay independent.
