Vanessa Oakley attends Trees of Love every year in memory of her parents, Betty and Deryck. Here, she explains why it’s so important to come together with others at Pilgrims Hospices’ annual festive remembrance.
Mum and Dad were married for over 54 years and were the most wonderful, kind and loving parents. They were so generous, loved hosting parties and wouldn’t let anyone bring anything. There would always be so much food! Mum would say, “No one’s leaving my house hungry” and they wouldn’t! I have such fond memories.
The important part of the service for me is when the lights on the tree are lit; l believe our loved ones join us at this point.
Vanessa
Mum was referred to Pilgrims in 2004. I remember the most incredible hospice nurse coming to visit us. She supported us at home until eventually Mum was admitted into the hospice. I couldn’t believe how different it was to a hospital – it was so much like home! There was such a relaxed atmosphere; I enjoyed going to visit Mum every day. Everyone knew who we were and remembered us, we were even allowed to bring in our dogs. Every day the cook would come around and ask us, “What would you like today?” and he’d always say, “Is your dog here?” and if he was he’d bring him something too. It was such a caring place; we felt so looked after. Mum died peacefully at the hospice with her dogs Topsey and Tommy snuggled up on the bed with her.
It was only a few years later that Dad passed away, and each year since we have come back to the hospice to remember them at Trees of Love. We write a dove to Mum, Dad and the dogs, Topsey and Tommy.
For me, the most important thing about Trees of Love is that it brings people together for the same reason: to remember our loved ones. I feel that we’re all supporting each other just by being there side by side, whether you know the person next to you or not. The important part of the service for me is when the lights on the tree are lit; l believe our loved ones join us at this point, and even after 13 years it still brings a tear to my eyes.
Trees of Love outdoor services will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet at 5pm on Saturday 8 December 2018.
We also offer indoor services with seating across our east Kent community:
St Nicholas Church, New Romney, 5pm on Saturday 1 December
All Souls Church, Cheriton, Folkestone, 5pm on Sunday 2 December
Assembly Rooms, New Romney, 3pm on Saturday 8 December
St Peter and St Paul Church, River, Dover, 4pm on Sunday 9 December
Barham Crematorium, Barham, 4.30pm on Friday 14 December
Charing Crematorium, Charing, 4.30pm on Friday 14 December
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.
12th November 2018
Trees of Love: Marie’s story
Marie Dowling attended Trees of Love for the first time last year in memory of her husband, Steve, who was cared for at Pilgrims Hospice Ashford in 2017. Here, she shares how coming together with others helps the family to remember Steve in a very fitting way.
My husband Steve had a varied career, but his real passion lay in all things mechanical. After he retired in 2012, Steve offered his technical skills free of charge to the elderly and partially sighted people; nothing was too much trouble and his patience was endless.
Steve was a devoted family man to myself and our son, Matthew, and his loyalty to his family and friends was without limit. He could fix just about anything and was always there when things went wrong. He truly was one in a million!
When Steve was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2017, it came as a complete shock to us. Steve had always been a really fit person and, with our son happily settled at university, we had just started to enjoy our freedom to travel. A keen motorcyclist, Steve had also just finished putting together a sidecar outfit and trips to Europe in it had already been planned and booked.
Nothing was too much trouble for the staff and volunteers, even to the extent that food and drinks would be brought to us in Steve’s room so that our son, our long-time family friend and I could be with him for as long as we, and he, wanted.
Marie
We were both in a state of shock and didn’t know what had hit us, or what to expect, but fortunately Steve’s GP had referred him to Pilgrims Hospices. After his initial assessment there we both decided that, when the time came, that’s where Steve wanted to end his days.
Unfortunately Steve’s cancer progressed very rapidly, requiring two stays in hospital where the hospice staff kept in touch with him. After Steve came home for a few days his symptoms became very difficult to control. It was, therefore, with great relief that the decision was made for him to go into the Ashford hospice. I will never forget the look of relief on Steve’s face when he got there. He finally felt safe, and from then on until his death a week later he was looked after with dignity, compassion and care. Nothing was too much trouble for the staff and volunteers, even to the extent that food and drinks would be brought to us in Steve’s room so that our son, our long-time family friend and I could be with him for as long as we, and he, wanted.
After Steve’s death we wanted to do something to repay the hospice for their care of Steve. That’s when we found out about the Trees of Love services. We did wonder if it would be too painful to go back to the place where Steve had died and considered just giving a donation. However, we did go and I’m very glad we did. The sight of the trees decorated with all the doves and dedications was magical, and the service itself was very moving and appropriate for all those who had lost loved ones. Despite the still painful memories, we will definitely be going again this year.
Trees of Love outdoor services will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet at 5pm on Saturday 8 December 2018.
We also offer indoor services with seating across our east Kent community:
St Nicholas Church, New Romney, 5pm on Saturday 1 December
All Souls Church, Cheriton, Folkestone, 5pm on Sunday 2 December
Assembly Rooms, New Romney, 3pm on Saturday 8 December
St Peter and St Paul Church, River, Dover, 4pm on Sunday 9 December
Barham Crematorium, Barham, 4.30pm on Friday 14 December
Charing Crematorium, Charing, 4.30pm on Friday 14 December
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.
7th November 2018
Trees of Love: Susan’s story
Susan Charles’ dad, John Newman, was cared for at Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury in 2015. The family now dedicate a dove in his memory on our illuminated Trees of Love as part of our annual festive campaign. Here, Susan shares how this helps them to feel connected and remember John, who loved Christmas, and enables them to give back to the charity.
My dad was a devoted family man, always ready to help someone – usually my brother and I when we uttered, “Dad, can you just…”. “Can you just” usually meant some type of building work, as this was his trade as well as being a retained firefighter.
Dad had a brilliant sense of humour and enjoyed cruising holidays with my mum, where they’d be up on the dancefloor as soon as the music started. It was on a cruise when he knew that something wasn’t quite right, after which it was discovered Dad had a rare form of lung cancer.
For us, the Trees of Love service is our annual pilgrimage back to where we feel most connected, for this was our home for a short while. Dad loved Christmas so it’s a fitting way to remember him by hanging our special dove on the tree and listening to the beautiful service.
Susan
Dad’s end of life wish was that we could be together as a family. The level of care we received from all the Pilgrims staff was beyond anything we had experienced. Without the constraints of rigid visiting hours, Pilgrims became our other home during this time and we got to know other patients and family members on the ward, propping one another up when needed.
For us, the Trees of Love service is our annual pilgrimage back to where we feel most connected, for this was our home for a short while. Dad loved Christmas so it’s a fitting way to remember him by hanging our special dove on the tree and listening to the beautiful service. Everyone there has a shared experience and understands any range of emotion displayed. It is our chance to give a little something back to where end of life wishes are granted, and to be part of the amazing Pilgrims Hospices once again.
Trees of Love outdoor services will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet at 5pm on Saturday 8 December 2018.
We also offer indoor services with seating across our east Kent community:
St Nicholas Church, New Romney, 5pm on Saturday 1 December
All Souls Church, Cheriton, Folkestone, 5pm on Sunday 2 December
Assembly Rooms, New Romney, 3pm on Saturday 8 December
St Peter and St Paul Church, River, Dover, 4pm on Sunday 9 December
Barham Crematorium, Barham, 4.30pm on Friday 14 December
Charing Crematorium, Charing, 4.30pm on Friday 14 December
If you or someone you know is coping with a life limiting illness and you think you may benefit from Pilgrims free services, talk to your GP or Healthcare Professional about your options or click here to read about our Wellbeing and Social Programme.