Deborah Appleton’s dad, Wally, and husband, Pete, each received Pilgrims Hospices’ vital end-of-life care, so she now remembers them as part of the charity’s Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love campaigns.
Here, Deborah shares why remembering her loved ones in this way is so important.
Deborah’s dad, Wally
When Dad started to become ill, my sister and I decided we would care for him at home for as long as we were able. It wasn’t an easy task, we did the best we could but he was going downhill rapidly.
We sat and talked with him about going into the hospice as we all knew it was only a matter of time. At first he refused to go, then one evening he took a turn for the worse and asked us to ring the hospice. That was the first encounter I had with the hospice; we didn’t know what to expect, how he would be looked after or anything about how it worked.
We needn’t have worried. The staff at the hospice were absolutely amazing. They explained everything to us in a way we could understand, and each and every one of them treated our dad as though treating one of their own loved ones. The attention, compassion, gentleness and devotion to their patient knew no bounds – not just for Dad, but also for us as a family. They didn’t just care for Dad in a medical way, they were also there with advice and for any help we needed from there on in, reassuring us that they were there for us not just at that time but whenever we felt we needed them. That’s when I realised just how special the people who work at the hospice are.
That’s what they do at the hospice, they give you a shining light when all you see around you is darkness and despair. That is what the sunflowers represent to me personally.
Deborah
So, over the years that have passed the hospice and all of its staff have been a very big and important part of my life. I always love attending the carol service, which was sadly marred by the dreaded COVID outbreak, but the sentiment and feeling was as beautiful as ever. That’s what they do at the hospice, they give you a shining light when all you see around you is darkness and despair.
That is what the sunflowers represent to me personally. There’s a sunflower quote that says, “Our stories and struggles are all different, but we each deserve to bloom, something will grow from the pain and anguish you are going through, and the something… will be you!”
Deborah and Pete
Then last year, the worst news I could ever have expected suddenly took my breath away and ripped my heart and my world to shreds.
My beautiful husband, best friend, constant companion and confidant, soulmate, twin flame and complete love of my life for the past 40 years was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer. Within three months I had lost the only man I have ever and will ever love. There was barely a day we were not together; we worked together, played together, laughed, cried, you name it, we did it together.
My whole life felt like somewhere I didn’t want to be anymore, but we fought the battle together and with the help of my sons and daughter we gave it everything we had.
We nursed Pete at home at first, but he had a fall and was taken to hospital, where they found he had two broken ribs, so he didn’t come home. We were blessed though because staff from the hospice came and took him with them. He was a different person while he was in there. Cheeky, contented and had 100% faith in all of the staff. They were wonderful with him; if I couldn’t look after him at home, I can think of no place nor people better that I could or would have left him with.
My darling Pete passed a week later. We made a pact when we were first together all those years ago, that whoever went first wouldn’t completely go until it was time for the other. I’m proud and lucky to say, “My Pete did not let me down”. I’m as proud of him as I have ever been, and know that no matter what, one day we will unite as that one spark we have always been.
Sunflower Memories events will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 30 July 2022.
If you’d prefer to remember from home, please visit our online Memory Wall where you can post pictures and messages in honour of your loved one as part of our annual summer remembrance.
Pilgrims Hospices cares for thousands of local people each year, free of charge, during the most challenging time in their lives. They offer care and support in people’s own homes, in the community and in their inpatient units as well as running a 24-hour advice line.
16th July 2021
Hospice Sunflower Memories event continues to grow thanks to local nurseries
The delightful and uplifting Sunflower Memories appeal returns to Pilgrims Hospices gardens in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 24 July 2021.
Last year, the much-loved remembrance event took place virtually due to COVID restrictions. This year, although in the scaled back return of Pilgrims events, the charity hopes to raise £50,000 following their best year ever in 2020. People are invited to dedicate a sunflower marker to their loved one and attend the beautiful hospice gardens to share treasured memories together safely.
Sara Scriven, Pilgrims Individual Giving Manager, said: “After a year when we’ve all been asked to stay at home, and many of us have been unable to visit family and friends, we’re so glad to be able to invite everyone back into our hospice gardens to remember again, in a COVID-secure way.
Sunflower Memories is such an important event in our calendar, as it not only helps us continue caring and supporting our patients’ family and friends after they’ve lost their loved one, but it also helps ensure we can continue our vital work.
Kate White, Head of Nursing
“It’s so important to us all at Pilgrims that we are able to offer our community the opportunity to remember and celebrate their loved ones’ lives, and to invite them into our beautiful hospice gardens. We also would like to encourage anyone across east Kent who has lost a loved one to take part, regardless of a connection to Pilgrims. Sunflowers is a remembrance for everyone in our community, and now is the time to join together in celebration, to remember and honour those we’ve lost.”
The events will be accompanied by reflective music and Pilgrims are delighted to have support from their dedicated volunteer workforce on the day to help visitors to find their sunflower memory markers, and to keep the event safe for all those wishing to share in this very special day.
Sara Scriven with Peter Buscall from Meadow Grange Nursery
“We are hugely grateful for the support of our local community and businesses for helping to make this event happen. Peter Buscall at Meadow Grange Nursery has supplied all of the flower pots required for the events on all three Pilgrims sites and is growing 100 sunflowers for the Canterbury day. Jackie Young of Youngs Nurseries has generously donated all the seeds needed. Regular members of Pilgrims volunteer workforce Carol Whittaker and Isabel Hack are growing 100 sunflowers for the Thanet day and Jan Wear is growing 100 for the Ashford day. We could not be more grateful for everyone’s commitment to this very special annual event.” Sara added.
Although on this occasion the hospices will not be providing refreshments, supporters are asked to bring their own picnic blankets and refreshments to keep the event COVID-secure.
Monday 19 July is the deadline to ensure the markers can be in the ground for the event, and to secure a time slot to visit on the day. The events will run from 10:00 am-5:00 pm on Saturday 24 July on all three Pilgrims sites, and supporters need to book an half hour slot to visit the gardens, find their sunflower, and spend a little time remembering their loved one in the beautiful surroundings.
Kate White, Pilgrims Head of Nursing, said: “Sunflower Memories is such an important event in our calendar, as it not only helps us continue caring and supporting our patients’ family and friends after they’ve lost their loved one, but it also helps ensure we can continue our vital work. Reflecting on the year myself and my team have experienced, I am continually amazed by the incredible work they do, and I feel so proud to work for an organisation that has continued providing compassionate care and support to our community through such difficult times. But it is only through the support of people donating to appeals, like Sunflower Memories, that this has been possible.”
If you would like to dedicate a sunflower marker in a Pilgrims Hospices garden of your choice, visit www.pilgrimshospices.org/sunflowers or call Pilgrims Supporter Relations team on 01227 782 062 (Monday – Friday 9am – 5pm) or email [email protected]. The team will be pleased to help you with your dedication.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress. Care is provided from three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet as well as in patients’ own homes. To offer these services to patients and their families the charity must raise £11 million each year from the generous local community.
9th July 2021
Sunflower Memories: Cess’s story
After Cess Crascall’s husband, Robert ‘Cracker’ Crascall, was cared for by Pilgrims Hospices, she now dedicates a sunflower in his memory as part of the charity’s Sunflower Memories campaign.
Here, Cess shares how the annual celebration helps her family to remember Cracker.
In December 2017, my husband Bobby and I spent his last 10 days in Pilgrims Hospice Canterbury, and they were wonderful. After being in and out of hospital for several weeks following the return of prostate cancer after six years of remission, he really relaxed as soon as he got to the hospice. He was comfortable and chatty – always sharing banter with all the brilliant nurses there, they even used his nickname, Cracker!
The hospice is not a sad place at all, we got time there and we will never forget it. Loads of his friends came to visit, getting drinks at the pub next door, and all sitting round the bed while Bobby enjoyed a Guinness. On his last night, our nephew came and we talked all through the night, and even though Bobby wasn’t able to contribute much, it was lovely to know that we were able to be there with him. The following afternoon he passed, with our son, Arron, daughter, Amy, and myself by his side. As a family we felt very lucky to be able to be together.
My daughter and I went together in 2018 to our first Sunflower Memories, it was such a wonderful day and so nice to feel part of the celebration. Sunflowers has become so important to us, the ‘sunshine flower’ is a reminder of Cracker and the amazing care we received.
Cess
I still cannot get over the care we received – Bobby deserved the best and he got it. Being able to stay with him from the moment he got there, until his last moments was just unbelievable. You just can’t get that anywhere else.
As part of a fundraising group called The Sunshine Girls, I knew when I heard about the hospice’s summer remembrance that I needed to take part. My daughter and I went together in 2018 to our first Sunflower Memories, it was such a wonderful day and so nice to feel part of the celebration. Sunflowers has become so important to us, the ‘sunshine flower’ is a reminder of Cracker and the amazing care we received. I will be remembering Bobby with a sunflower again this year, as a way of giving back and thanking the hospice for all they have done for us.
Cess with her daughter Amy at Sunflower Memories 2018
In those 10 days I got my life as a wife back; having cared for him at home, I could relax with him and sleep at the hospice alongside him. We will never forget the care, support and kindness shown to us and all my family.
Long may Pilgrims continue.
Sunflower Memories events will take place at our hospices in Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet on Saturday 24 July 2021.
When you book, you’ll be allocated a 30-minute time slot in which you can visit your chosen hospice, so we can ensure the event is COVID-secure.
If you’d prefer to remember from home, please visit our online Memory Wall where you can post pictures and messages in honour of your loved one as part of our annual summer remembrance.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
2nd July 2021
Sunflower Memories: Claire’s story
After Claire Wells’ mum, Jan, was supported by Pilgrims Hospices, she now dedicates a sunflower in her memory as part of the charity’s Sunflower Memories campaign.
Here, Claire shares why sunflowers are so special to her family.
Jan painting sunflowers at Pilgrims
My main experience of Pilgrims Hospices was my many visits to the Therapy Centre with my mum, Jan. She had been diagnosed with a brain tumour, and referred to Pilgrims for wellbeing support, until end-of-life care was needed. I went along with her to many of the arts and crafts and Time to Create groups. They really woke up our creativity, and became lovely mother-and-daughter activities we could share in.
Despite living with a terminal illness, she really flourished during that year of painting, knitting and crafting. She particularly enjoyed one Time to Create group, where they painted sunflowers, and from then on it seemed our life was full of them. She had become this very sunny, bright person – she bought a bright yellow coat, so she even looked like a sunflower!
Mum became obsessed with knitting, and I learned how to crochet sunflower brooches. We got so many people asking about them that I started taking a few out with me, so then we could offer them out to those we met. They are such a wonderful flower – they seemed to exude joy and brighten everyone’s day. We ended up handing out so many that when it came to Mum’s funeral, everyone there was wearing one. It was such a comfort to us all, and so powerful to see that she was still spreading happiness.
Jan in her yellow coat
Unfortunately, a year on from her diagnosis, Mum went downhill very quickly, and spent her last five days in the Ashford hospice, in January 2020. We’ll never forget our experience there, it was so comforting and everyone you came across there was so kind. We owe huge thanks to the multi-disciplinary team, we will always be so grateful for the care we all received.
A few months after Mum died, we came back to the hospice and had lunch in the cafe, as my dad felt so close to her there. We saw some leaflets about Sunflower Memories and just thought we had to do it, because sunflowers had been such a big part of our lives over that last year. It was very powerful and lovely in its own way.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
3rd December 2020
Westerleigh Group continue their sponsorship of Trees of Love and Sunflower Memories
The Westerleigh Group, who have been sponsoring Trees of Love and Sunflower Memories for the past 5 years, have supported Pilgrims once again with an incredible £23,000 donation.
Although the events have been rather different this year, with Pilgrims being the first hospice in the UK to produce a Remembrance Film in July for Sunflower Memories, the response from supporters has been overwhelming.
Despite the pandemic, this year has been our most successful Sunflower Memories to date, with over 800 people remembering a loved one with a sunflower marker, raising an amazing £50,200 for hospice care. It really goes to show how important it is to our supporters to have the opportunity to remember lost loved ones, even from home.
Sara Scriven, Individual Giving Manager
The hospice continues with this success for their festive remembrance, Trees of Love, replacing the events usually hosted across east Kent with a filmed service, including the switch on of the Tree lights, carols and festive readings.
“We’re so grateful to Westerleigh for their continued sponsorship, and as one of our partners for Trees of Love, it is wonderful to hear that they also will be streaming live remembrance services from their Barham and Charing Crematoriums.”
With Pilgrims’ Trees of Love Remembrance only around the corner, it’s not too late to dedicate a dove in time to have it with you for the release of the online Remembrance Service on Saturday 5 December at 5pm on the Pilgrims Hospices YouTube channel and website.
To take part click here to complete the online donation form, or contact Supporter Relations on 01227 782062.
Each year Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to over 2,500 people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
4th August 2020
Hundreds join together online to enjoy UK’s first Hospice Remembrance Film
Pilgrims Hospices has created an innovative remembrance film, as a way to continue its annual summer remembrance Sunflower Memories, bringing it into the homes of hundreds across east Kent.
The event, which would usually be hosted in the hospice gardens at Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet, was transformed into an online celebration. Supporters had their sunflower memory markers sent to them to keep in a special place at home, and were invited to make a dedication to their loved one on an online Memory Wall.
The UK’s first Hospice remembrance film, was put together by Sara Scriven, Individual Giving Manager, with the help of BBC filmmaker Kerry King.
Sara told us, “Instead of inviting our supporters into our hospice gardens, this year we brought Sunflower Memories to them. The film was months in the making, and we hope it has given our supporters a real insight into the world of the hospice, and the extraordinary collaborative effort that helps bring Sunflower Memories together each year.”
“We’re go grateful to the supporters, volunteers and staff who shared their stories with us as part of this very special remembrance. With your help, Sunflowers Memories has been our most successful to date, with over 750 people dedicating a sunflower to their loved ones, raising an incredible £31,700 so far. This amount will help support thousands of patients living with terminal illness in east Kent, and with donations still coming in, the Hospice will be able to reach so many more.”
