Remembering Elspeth: “The hospice became her sanctuary”
Elspeth Ogilvie from Ashford was a bright, creative and joyful young woman.
She enjoyed her job working with babies at a local nursery, having previously been a nanny to twins in London, and had dreams of writing and illustrating children’s books.
In 2023, aged 23, Elspeth was sadly diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour. She underwent surgery and received radiotherapy and chemotherapy.
When her treatment ended in April 2024, she was referred to Pilgrims Hospices for palliative care. Elspeth died at home on 16 December 2024, aged 25.
Elspeth’s parents, Jacky and Mark, share their story, remembering Elspeth and how Pilgrims helped her to make the most of the time she had.
Time to Create groups and Wellbeing events
Elspeth was a talented artist, and she loved music. During her illness, Pilgrims helped Elspeth to continue with creative pursuits. She attended Time to Create, therapeutic art groups held at the hospice Therapy Centre, with her dad.
Although she lost the use of her dominant hand and developed a tremor in her other hand, she was still able to enjoy making art.
Elspeth Ogilvie Artwork 1
Elspeth Ogilvie Artwork 2
Elspeth’s artwork
Jacky: “She was very disparaging about what she created (given she had to use her non-dominant hand, which was affected by a significant tremor due to her medication). However, she looked forward immensely to going; it was definitely the highlight of her week.”
Mark and Jacky with Elspeth’s artwork at the Dead Good Artists exhibition
Time to Create was one of the last things Elspeth left her house for; “she was determined to go”, Mark says.
In 2025, Elspeth’s artwork was featured in Dead Good Artists, an exhibition at The Wooden Box Gallery in Ramsgate, which was a collaborative project with Pilgrims. Relatives and close friends were invited to attend a workshop to talk about the artistic sides of their loved one’s lives; Mark and Jacky took great comfort in this, as it happened just four months after Elspeth’s death, when they were newly bereaved.
Elspeth also loved Living Well sessions at the hospice – the entertainment (especially if music was involved), fun quizzes, food and chats with others. Jacky often accompanied her to help with her care, and Pilgrims provided a wheelchair for Elspeth to get around more easily.
In August 2024, Pilgrims patients enjoyed a dance performance at the Canterbury hospice by Doorstep Duets, a project created by New Adventures and Farnham Maltings as a response to social isolation.
Elspeth attended with her parents; afterwards, they had a picnic lunch prepared by the catering team and took a walk in the gardens.
Care and support
Elspeth was supported by teams across Pilgrims; occupational therapists sourced specialist equipment that enabled her to live independently at home and aid her mobility – including commodes, handrails, a hospital-style bed, a reclining chair and a hoist – and trained Mark and Jacky in how to use it.
A CAMEL inflatable device to help Elspeth off the floor when she fell was invaluable on multiple occasions, as were gadgets to help her get in and out of the car.
Pilgrims also organised carers and district nurses to visit Elspeth at home, and the family were invited to visit the Ashford hospice so that Elspeth would feel comfortable if she needed to stay there.
Jacky: “They were so helpful and kind, always asking what more they could do and how they could empower Elspeth to achieve things that were important to her.
“When I confessed that our cat had been on her inflated mattress at home, whilst Elspeth was staying at the hospice (and I suspected it now wasn’t working, courtesy of little claws!), a replacement arrived swiftly without issue.”
Mark and Elspeth during a trip to Edinburgh in 2024
Mark and Jacky fondly recall Pal, a Wellbeing Practitioner, visiting Elspeth at home when she was unable to leave the house. Pal gave Elspeth a henna decoration on her hand; a little gesture that made a big difference.
Jacky: “Pal stroked her hand and chatted away to her. Elspeth really enjoyed the company of another young person, especially as she knew Pal from her sessions at the hospice. By that point, Elspeth could barely speak, but you could see the pleasure in her eyes.”
When a family friend who was studying photography offered to do a photoshoot with Jacky and Elspeth in the Ashford hospice gardens, Pal was on hand to do Elspeth’s make-up.
Elspeth and Jacky in the Ashford hospice gardens
During the times Elspeth needed extra care, she was able to have a bed at the Ashford hospice; Pilgrims contacted Mark and Jacky daily with updates and to let them know when a place would be available, something they really appreciated.
They were able to visit whenever they wanted, which gave Elspeth great comfort, and food and refreshments were always available.
Jacky:“We could get nutritious inexpensive meals at the hospice; we had no time or energy to shop or cook, so we really appreciated this and it made a big difference.”
Other loved ones were welcomed, too, including Elspeth’s niece, Lola, who enjoyed spending time in the family lounge. With toys, games and books provided for younger family members, it made a difficult time a little easier.
Mark and Jacky were even able to bring the family dog, Rosie, for a visit.
Elspeth Ogilvie Family Photo 2
Elspeth Ogilvie Family Photo 1
Elspeth with her niece, Lola, and her parents and their dog, Rosie
Jacky: “When Elspeth’s world reduced, and particularly when she couldn’t go out for day trips anymore because it was too tiring, the hospice became her sanctuary, it helped her so much.
“She loved having a bath at Pilgrims; the care teams made it such a lovely experience for her, taking their time, washing her hair and helping her feel relaxed.
“She also appreciated the massages she received at Pilgrims, and revelled in those sessions. I was offered these and adored them, too, and felt so calm afterwards.”
As Elspeth’s ability to communicate deteriorated due to the brain tumour and medication, her parents valued the extra time and care Pilgrims’ teams took with her.
Mark: “The staff are so friendly and welcoming; from healthcare assistants, to nurses, to the kitchen team, everyone attuned very quickly to Elspeth’s needs. They understood that firing suggestions at her was counter-productive, so they gave her space to get her message across.”
Jacky: “When I’d eventually figured out what she wanted to eat, I’d pop my head into the kitchen and ask; it never seemed to phase them. It was just so nice, they were so patient.
“Due to her medication, she needed lots of condiments to satisfy her tastebuds, so they made sure she had her own basket, which was regularly topped up.
“We never felt like we were in the way. When I had my airbed beside Elspeth’s hospice bed, the cleaners just worked around us, it was no problem.”
Towards the end of Elspeth’s life, Pilgrims was available by phone 24/7; when anything changed in her condition, her parents could speak to a nurse immediately for advice and support.
Jacky:“This reduced our stress levels immensely, especially during the night and at weekends when our regular GP surgery was unavailable.”
Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love
Mark and Jacky attended Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love for the first time in 2025, during the first year after Elspeth’s death. They enjoyed being in the gardens and seeing some staff they knew.
Mark: “Elspeth adored sunflowers, so when we heard that they were “Pilgrims’ flower”, that made Sunflower Memories extra special for us. She had a pair of Lucy & Yak trousers with a sunflower print, which she loved.
“When she had open cranial surgery in preparation for chemotherapy, she didn’t know how much hair she’d lose, so she bought lots of wooly hats and one of them had sunflowers on.”
Trees of Love was particularly poignant, as it took place close to Elspeth’s first anniversary.
Jacky: “Christmas was Elspeth’s favourite time of year. We didn’t know quite what to expect, but attending a service at the hospice was important to us, as we’d been so often with Elspeth during her illness – for short stays, therapy sessions and wellbeing groups – and we’d spent time in the gardens, too, so being here meant a lot.
“It was beautiful; seeing Elspeth’s dove, the lights and the singing made it very special. Mark didn’t know what I’d written on the dove until he saw it on the day, so that was very sweet. It was lovely coming together with others and having the chance to fundraise for Pilgrims.”
Mark:“It was emotional as it was very close to Elspeth’s first anniversary, but we did well. We had so much help from everybody at the hospice, so it’s our way of giving back.”
Jacky: “Pilgrims offered us support and sanity, and we will forever remember the endless kind faces, caring words and thoughtful gestures. They are incredibly outstanding in all they do.”
Pilgrims run a wide range of wellbeing groups and activities designed to support patients to live well, stay connected and enjoy the best quality of life possible.
For more information on Pilgrims Hospices’ Wellbeing Programme:
Call the Pilgrims Hospices Advice Line on 01233 504 133
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
3rd October 2025
Norman and Christine’s story: “Pilgrims is always there if you need them”
Norman Sole from Walmer experienced Pilgrims Hospices’ care when his wife, Christine, was cared for by the charity.
Inspired by the kindness they were shown by Pilgrims, Norman and his family wanted to give back so that others can benefit from the same compassionate care.
Their story shows how Pilgrims continue to look after families into bereavement, often playing a very special role in their lives as they navigate their grief.
Norman and Christine were married for 57 years and had two children, Mike and Jeannie. Christine worked as a telephonist before marrying Norman. They had a plant nursery until they retired; Christine picked tomatoes in the large greenhouses. She loved gardening, knitting, her pet cats, and line dancing.
Christine Sole With Her Daughter Jeanette 1
Norman And Christine Sole 4
Christine Sole 4
Christine Sole With Son Mike 1
Norman And Christine Sole 5
Norman And Christine Sole 2
Christine Sole 8
Norman And Christine Sole 7
Norman And Christine Sole 1
Christine Sole 3
Later in life, Christine was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer; initially cured by chemotherapy, it sadly returned and became terminal. Whilst in hospital, a doctor asked Christine if she wanted to be referred to the hospice.
Mike and Jeannie said:
“Mum was hospitalised, with the aim being to fit a stent in her throat. She went in expecting to come home. Unfortunately, the procedure didn’t work, so palliative care became the only option. She went downhill very quickly.
“They moved Mum to a private room, and the next day someone from the palliative care team came and asked if she’d like to go into the hospice. We all agreed that this would be for the best.”
Christine
Christine spent five days in the Thanet hospice; she died on 6 August 2023, aged 81.
Norman said:
“A friend had been in the Canterbury hospice several years prior, and I’d visited them there, but that had been my only experience until Christine was referred.
“The hospital was very noisy, people come and go all the time; Christine kept saying, “I wish it was quieter in here.” In hospital, we were always doing things for her because the staff were so busy, they didn’t have time, so we were trying to think about what she wanted.
“Once we went into the hospice, it was instantly calm, a completely different atmosphere. It was like someone had taken the responsibility of care from us, so that we could look after ourselves and be a family. We didn’t expect anything, but the hospice team anticipated our needs, and made us feel part of the wider Pilgrims family.”
Jeannie agreed: “Pilgrims caters incredibly well for families. It was my birthday whilst Mum was in the hospice; she mentioned it to the hospice staff, and they brought me a cake with a candle, and a birthday card! It’s those little things that really make a big difference.
Christine with one of her beloved cats
“I also felt much calmer in the hospice. As a family, we wouldn’t all usually spend a week together like that; it sounds weird, but after Mum died, I missed us having lunch together every day, walking around the gardens, getting a coffee. We never felt like we shouldn’t be there, like we were in the way, or that we should leave if we’d been there all day. I missed that when it was over, it was a very special time.
“It’s one of those things you hope you never have to go through, but it couldn’t have been a better experience.”
Mike added:
“All the staff were lovely. We felt the nursing staff really cared, and that Mum wasn’t just another patient. The focus in the hospice is different; when Mum was in hospital, they were trying to make her better. But once we knew she was at the end of life, and we’d had a few days to adjust, our mindset shifted – it became about keeping Mum comfortable for the time she had left.”
To say thank you for the care they received, Norman and his family now support Pilgrims in many ways, including taking part in annual remembrance events like Sunflower Memories and Trees of Love. Mike also completed the Folkestone Downs Challenge with his daughter, Eleanor, and his wife, Helen, volunteers at the Canterbury hospice with patients who attend wellbeing groups.
Most recently, Norman decided to grow sunflowers in his garden after attending Sunflower Memories. He entered Walmer in Bloom for the first time in 2025, and his sunflowers won first prize in the Best Garden Display category.
Norman with his children, Mike and Jeannie, and his award-winning sunflowersNorman at the Walmer in Bloom award ceremony
Norman received the letter telling him he’d won on 6 August 2025, the two-year anniversary of Christine’s death:
“It made a very sad day a little bit happier. I got into growing sunflowers after we attended the Sunflower Memories event to celebrate Christine’s life, so winning the Walmer in Bloom award was extra special.”
Norman attended an award presentation at Walmer Castle, where he received a certificate, and he donated his prize money to Pilgrims.
Mike added:
“Pilgrims support families even after their loved one has died, which is really positive. It’s so nice that they’ve kept in touch with Dad; he enjoys keeping up to date with hospice news and events. The little things we’re able to do, like supporting the remembrance events in memory of Mum, allows us to give back, so that other people can benefit like we did.”
Norman agreed:
“Pilgrims don’t just fade away, they’re always there if you need them.”
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices care for thousands of people across east Kent, with services provided from its three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury, and Thanet, as well as in patients’ own homes. It costs over £17.2 million annually to run these services, much of which comes from the generous support of the local community.
22nd September 2025
Trees of Love: Jade’s story
Jade remembers her nan, Viv, and her mother and father-in-law through Pilgrims Hospices’ Trees of Love campaign, after they all received care from the charity in 2024.
Jade’s grandparents
My nan, Viv, was the heart of our family – a devoted wife to my Grandad Bill; a loving mum to Melissa and Alister, and a proud nan to myself, Grace and Jacob. She made every birthday special with homemade cakes, and every holiday memorable, whether it was a trip to Menorca or a week at Butlins.
Nan was a teaching assistant at a local school for over 30 years, and was so generous with her time to students and colleagues – always with kind words and on standby for a cuddle. She put her teaching knowledge to good use each evening when watching her favourite quiz shows, The Chase and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!
When Nan was diagnosed with cancer, we required an extra helping hand at home. All of ours and Nan’s fears were put to ease when we were introduced to Pilgrims. She felt so comfortable, and at peace, with the Hospice at Home team. They managed to make her smile and giggle when some days felt darker than others.
My Grandad suffered a stroke in 2022, which left him bed-bound, and Nan’s nurses made sure that their beds were pushed together so they could fall asleep holding hands, just like they used to. It was those little things that brought a lot of comfort to them, and to us as a family. It was lovely to discover that she had been supporting Pilgrims with a monthly donation for many years, even before she needed their support.
Jade with her grandparents
Pilgrims’ care extended to us all; I received bereavement counselling to help me process my loss after Nan passed in September 2024.
From the reception volunteers to the counsellor I worked with, everyone was so unbelievably kind. It was when I was waiting for one of the sessions that I saw the leaflet for Trees of Love, and I knew I wanted to dedicate a dove in memory of my nan and for my mum and father-in-law who also sadly passed that year, with support from Pilgrims in their final days.
Participating in Trees of Love helped make our first Christmas without our loved ones feel that little bit more special. The service was so calming, which reminded me of my nan, and it was such a comfort to see our doves lit up on the tree.
Our family will forever be grateful to Pilgrims Hospices for everything; supporting such a great cause at such a special time of year makes it that extra bit more meaningful.
Pilgrims Hospices provides compassionate, specialist care free of charge to thousands of people in east Kent each year who are living with life-limiting conditions. Support is offered in patients’ homes, in the community, and at our three hospice sites in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford. We also run a 24-hour advice line.
19th November 2024
Trees of Love: East Kent’s largest remembrance grows even bigger in 2024
This December, Pilgrims Hospices has once again partnered with members of the local community to deliver east Kent’s largest remembrance.
Herne Bay Crematorium and St Alphege Church join Pilgrims to offer more people the space to remember this Christmas.
The charity, which provides end-of-life care, is pleased to announce services in Whitstable and Herne Bay have joined the remembrance this year. The services give those who are grieving the time and space to remember during the festive season.
Those taking part are invited to dedicate a dove to be illuminated on Christmas trees across east Kent, and come together at one of the remembrance services with carols. It’s an opportunity to share memories, and take a moment during the busy festive season to remember those we love.
“Christmas is that time of year which consists of many different feelings, joy, excitement, love. But it is also for many a time for reflecting about the loved ones we have lost. The tree of love is a symbol of peace, memories and of course love. This simple gesture can bring a community together, and at Herne Bay Crematorium we are honoured to work with Pilgrims Hospices and help those on their journey of reflection.”
Damien Corlett-Oates, Herne Bay Crematorium Manager
The service at Herne Bay Crematorium is taking place on Friday 20 December, at 5pm, and those attending are invited to stay for warm refreshments of mulled wine and mince pies afterwards.
“Here at St Alphege Whitstable we are delighted to be holding a Trees of Love service with Pilgrims Hospices for the first time. Christmas is a time for fond remembrance of loved ones who used to share in our celebrations. We hope that all who come may feel the comfort and joy of gathering together and the light of hope during this festive season.”
Isobel Legg, Reader, St Alphege
The St Alphege, Whitstable service is on Sunday 8 December, at 4pm, with festive refreshments served afterwards in the church.
Pilgrims are also hosting their hospice services on Saturday 7 December, in Canterbury, Thanet and Ashford.
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices care for thousands of people across east Kent, with services provided from its three hospice sites in Ashford, Canterbury, and Thanet, as well as in patients’ own homes. It costs over £17.2 million annually to run these services, much of which comes from the generous support of the local community.
3rd September 2024
Trees of Love: Jenny’s story
Jenny remembers her husband, Graham, by dedicating a dove in his memory at Pilgrims Hospices annual Trees of Love remembrance campaign.
My husband Graham was a kind and generous man, a nature and animal lover. He was particularly musical; he sang, played piano and performed the clarinet in several orchestras. We met at age 5 while attending the same primary school, but went our separate ways when we progressed to our respective grammar schools. It seems rather fitting, then, that we reunited at a German musical evening hosted by Graham’s school. We would go on to spend a wonderful 55 years together, with our children and grandchildren.
We were introduced to Pilgrims later on in Graham’s illness, around six months before he passed. He often found it difficult to put his thoughts into words, but when presented with the option of more treatment or intervention for his illness, he knew that was not the option for him. While our journey with Pilgrims has been rather short, they have been so very helpful. In times like these, you never quite know who to turn to, but the bereavement support we have been offered has been such a help. When you just want someone to listen, they just let us talk.
I was made aware of Trees of Love through a postal invitation that invited me to dedicate a dove in Graham’s memory. My granddaughter, Charlotte, has recently started art college, which has been such a creative outlet for her. She decorated her grandfather’s dove with a wonderful drawing depicting the owl and pussy cat in a tree, as she discovered he was particularly fond of the poem by Edward Lear. Out of sheer coincidence, my daughter revealed that the week her father had passed, she had found a greetings card depicting the ‘Owl and the Pussy Cat’ scene, too. This has brought our family closer together.
In 2023, I attended the remembrance service at the Thanet hospice. Although I attended alone, it was such a welcoming atmosphere for everyone. I struck up conversation with someone who was by themselves, and it was comforting to share the experience with someone who knew what I was going through.
The service was lovely, and I was happy to have the opportunity to capture a picture of Graham’s dove on the illuminated tree, and take my order of service home to share with my family.
Previously, I had volunteered for another hospice in one of their retail stores, so I had experience in the kind of care that a hospice provides. But having now received that support myself, I can recognise how fantastic they really are. I’m happy to support this wonderful charity in any way that I can.
This December, dedicate a dove to someone special and join us at one of our hospice or satellite remembrance services.
To find out more and to take part in Trees of Love 2024, simply visit pilgrimshospices.org/treesoflove or contact our friendly Supporter Relations team on 01227 782 062 to dedicate a dove today.
Pilgrims Hospices is a charity dedicated to providing expert care and support to patients with life-limiting illnesses in east Kent. Our services ensure comfort, dignity, and quality of life for patients and their families, offering compassionate care both in hospice settings and in the community.
23rd December 2022
East Kent’s largest remembrance services returned in December 2022
Pilgrims Hospices’ Trees of Love saw thousands come together to remember loved ones in December 2022.
Pilgrims Hospices welcomed over 2,000 local people to their Trees of Love remembrance services, held at venues across east Kent during the first weeks of December 2022.
Each year, Pilgrims host remembrance services with carols in the grounds of their three hospices at Ashford, Canterbury and Thanet, where huge festive trees are lit up in memory of lost loved ones. Adorned with beautiful doves bearing personal messages, many from across east Kent shared their special memories together at these festive events. The hospice also collaborates with other venues in the community, holding services in in Barham, Charing, Cheriton, River and New Romney, allowing more people to attend.
Ellie Cane, Pilgrims Hospices Individual Giving Officer, said: “During the pandemic we were unable to bring everyone together in person, so we were delighted to welcome everyone back to our hospices this year for the return of our remembrance services. Our thanks go to everyone who has donated to the Trees of Love appeal and dedicated a dove in memory of their loved ones. At what can be a difficult time of the year, sharing thoughts with others who have similar experiences keeps our loved ones firmly in our hearts.”
She added: “So far, we have raised over £47,000 for local hospice care from generous donations to the Trees of Love appeal. This is such an amazing amount, which will help us continue to provide our expert care and support on our wards and in people’s own homes. It really will make the difference for our patients and their families when they need us the most.”
Visitors to the hospice services on Saturday 3 December 2022 were welcomed by the charity’s Spiritual Care Leads at Thanet and Ashford, and guest Lead Rev Stefan Thomas at Canterbury, to enjoy readings from staff and volunteers, and sing carols accompanied by local choirs. Refreshments of mince pies, hot chocolate and mulled wine were on offer to keep guests warm on that frosty night.
Of the combined community and hospice effort it takes to host these events every year, Ellie said: “Our thanks must extend also to our local communities and the many volunteers who give their time and skills every year to make the events run smoothly. It really couldn’t be done without them.”
Each year, Pilgrims Hospices give care and comfort to thousands of people in east Kent who are coming to terms with an illness that sadly cannot be cured. The charity support patients to live life as well as possible until the very end, free from pain and distress.
